chapter 134
chapter 134
Isabella's POV.
FOUR YEARS LATER.
Whenever I counted the time. Everything still felt extremely strange to me. It has been four good years since I walked away from the love of my life, Declan.
When I walked away from him I was carrying nothing but a broken heart and a secret growing inside of my womb. And also a stubborn determination to survive through my obstacles in life.
Atlanta had become my home now but it wasn't where I had planned to be in life. But I had to survive through it all and Atlanta became a place where everything changed for me.
When I screamed loudly through pregnancy contractions with no one by my side, except for a nurse who held my hand tightly. Atlanta was the place I whispered two names in the hospital room as I promised them the entire world. Adrian and Aria.
My son and my daughter, my twin miracles. They were four years old now and they were loud and messy. They were extremely full of life and Adrian with his endless curiosity always asked me questions about the skies, the moon, the stars, the clouds, even going as far as asking me about the cars passing on the street.
Aria was the quiet one but she had so much strength. She would always watch everything with her eyes that were too deep for her age. And she had a very beautiful smile, I would always say that her smile could soften even the hardest of stones and I knew for a fact that I wasn't wrong about it.
In as much as I tried not to but I couldn't stop myself from remembering those nights when I would rock them both in my arms with tears flowing down my cheeks as my body still ached from childbirth and I would always whisper into their tiny ears.
“You will never know the kind of pain that I have experienced. I swear to you my darling kids, not when I am alive will you ever suffer.”
But it hasn't been easy on me and that was life for you. Being pregnant all alone with no one by your side and hiding from the world. Having to pretend that I was just another student finishing her courses when the truth was, I was just fighting exhaustion every second.
My baby bump grew heavier and my back was aching a lot and I had no one to help me massage it, just to make me feel good but I kept moving on in life because I believe that one day everything was going to be better for me.
I studied with swollen feet that I would always keep on my chair for comfort. I made sure to write all my exams with my twins kicking inside of me and I collapsed on my bed due to exhaustion but I still had my notebooks in my hands.
I wouldn't like that some days I didn't feel like giving up because I always felt like giving up every single day. But whenever I pressed my hand to my stomach and felt them move or I looked at the mirror to see my big baby bump, I found strength that I didn't know existed.
And when they finally came into the world. I knew I had made the best and most perfect choice in my life. I was proud of myself for carrying my pregnancy and not running away from it.
The years since then have just been full of diapers, midnight fevers, lullabies. And being a mother taught me how to multitask. Despite giving birth I dragged myself to classes, even after I had two hours of sleep and I still felt tired.
I cried into my pillows when the whole stress threatened to break me but I never stopped. And somehow, through everything I rebuilt myself and now people ask me how I do it.
How do I balance being a mother of twins and a super model? But the truth they don't know is, I don't balance instead I survive. I stumble, I fall, but then I still get up.
And overall, I still shine so brightly that no light could ever dim me. After graduation I stepped into modeling almost by accident. One audition that turned into another, and one photo shoot of mine that went viral, and one runway that opened a hundred more doors.
Now people look at me and see a glowing woman, a model with curves and strengths and beauty that no pregnancy could erase. They don't see the nights that I cried alone and they don't see the mornings I forced myself to keep on moving despite the fact that I did not have any energy left. They don't see the scars inside me that never healed. But I see all of them and I carry them all along.
Whenever I stood in front of the mirror I barely recognized the girl that I used to be. My body bounced back in ways that I couldn't explain. My stomach became flat or should I say it became flatter than it used to be when I wasn't even pregnant or even given birth.
I still had long legs and my skin still glowed like it remembered every battle I had fought. But my eyes held the secrets and no one could touch them.
Adrian and Aria knew nothing about Declan and I wanted to keep it that way. They knew nothing about Sabrina or Ethan, or the pain that tore me apart.
To them, I am just a mommy, the woman who tucks them in bed and who makes them pancakes shaped like animals, the woman who laughs too loud when they try to dance in the living room. I called it showcasing their talents. And I want to keep everything that way.
Because what good will it do to tell them? What good will it do for me to drag their innocent hearts into the mess of my past? I haven't forgotten my promise that I made to them that they will never know the pain I experienced and I still stand by that.
But then I couldn't stop thinking about what Declan would think if he mistakenly bumped into them. I know I wasn't in a city anymore but sometimes it was good to think out of the box because anything can happen anywhere , anytime and any place.
If he saw Adrian's dark hair or stubborn chin, or Aria's gentle eyes that sometimes flashes with the same intensity Declan's eyes did. Will all those gestures sell everything to him and will he know? Would his heart recognize them the way mine did from the very first breath?
But then I remembered the night I left. The way I whispered goodbye to his sleeping face and the way I broke my SIM card into two. I didn't even care if that was the last tie that was bonding me to him. And I reminded myself that he doesn't know and he will never know where I am because he will never find me.
He has his family now. Or should I always say he has always had his family with him, it just took him time to reconnect with them. Sabrina and Ethan are in his life. And whatever mess they have built together then it was definitely there and not mine to bother about.
My life here in Atlanta is with my twins and with the career I had built from ashes. With the woman I became when I chose myself and when I chose them.
Tonight, after tucking Adrian and Aria into bed. I sat by the window with my new journal I had bought for myself and then I thought about the journal I had left back in Declan's house.
Did he ever see that journal and even if we saw it did he ever read through it? I thought about that several times but then I decided not to think about it any more because it was none of my business. Thinking about it would only mean me dwelling unto the past and I didn't want that for myself.
The city lights shone brightly on me about everything that transpired four years ago. Four years of struggles that seemed like it would never end, four years of growth, and four years of quiet victories.
And still, sometimes when the night is too quiet. I still hear Declan's name in my ears as if someone is whispering it to me.
I don't know if I hate him for letting me go so easily and not fighting for our love. Or if I still love him in ways I shouldn't, maybe both.
I had already planned my tomorrow schedule which was to wake up very early in the morning like a normal mother would always do. Then I would pack my kids lunch boxes and brush their hair. I would get back to work and smile through the photo shoots.
I will just keep on building as usual because this has always been my life. And I refused to let the past stealed it from me just because I remembered it.
Adrian stirred his body in his sleep as he whispered something about the stars because he was self-obsessed with it. And Aria placed her tiny hand on her brother's hand, unconsciously but nothing made me feel much better than doing that because they had so much love for each other despite being so little.
“My babies. You saved me.” I smiled as I whispered into the night. And for the first time in a long while, I finally believed my words.