chapter 126

chapter 126
Isabella's POV.

I sat on the cold floor of my room and my back was against my bed frame. My hands trembled as my face was buried in them.

The tears wouldn't stop glowing down my cheeks. They came in hot and they left me breathless all at once. Everytime I closed my eyes, I saw that little boy's face, the way he called Declan daddy without any hesitation.

Daddy. The word had ripped something inside of me. Was I enough for him anymore? Or had I been a fool all along, living in a fantasy where I thought that love was enough to erase the past? But I also didn't know Declan had such a past that has borne fruit.

My chest ached with questions I didn't want answers to as I heard a knock on the door. Then my whole body stiffened instantly.

“Baby, please open the door.” I heard Declan's voice and I bit my lip hard until I tasted blood.

I couldn't face him. At least not yet and not ever. I heard his knock again on the door and this time it was louder than the first. 

“Isabella baby, please. I need to talk to you baby. We need to talk please” he insisted but I didn't answer him because silence to me was safer than breaking all over again.

I didn't hear his voice again so I just assumed that he had got tired of standing by the door and he left. Minutes passed by and then I heard the faint scrape of metal and a second later the door was unlocked as Declan stepped inside the room.

He quietly closed the door behind him as he leaned against it like the weight of the world got pressed on his shoulders. And his eyes instantly found mine but then I looked away because I didn't want to look at him.

My room felt heavy because of the unsaid words and my sobs still lingered in the air as he took a few cautious steps closer to me, then he crouched down in front of me.

“Baby, please look at me.” he whispered as his voice broke but I stared at the floor.

“Talk to me at least. Yell at me, cry, just do anything but don't shut me out. Not you. I can't lose you and you know it.” he begged and the sound of his desperation twisted something in me, but anger held me still.

“Why didn't you tell her I was your wife?” I asked and he looked away immediately because the shame was too much for him to take.

“I didn't tell her anything because I was too shocked, and I had nothing to say to her. It all happened so fast, baby, the way she showed up with the boy. I swear I was in shock. I didn't even know he existed.” he expressed and I chuckled bitterly at his words as I wiped off the tears that rolled down my cheeks.

“You expect me to believe that you had no idea of having a son?” I questioned him and his gaze snapped back to mine.

“I swear by our love baby. I didn't know. If I had known, do you think I would ever keep something so important from you? Something that could either impact or change our lives in so many ways. Do you think I would ever keep that away from us? Baby you are my everything . You are my home.” he said and I felt sincerity in his voice which cracked me apart but jealously wouldn't even let me understand him.

“And what are you going to do about her? About Sabrina? She made everything sound like you two had this perfect love story. A history together that I would never meet up to, how do I compete with that? Just tell me how I should compete with her and her son?” I demanded answers and Declan shook his head violently as he reached out as though he wanted to touch me but then he stopped himself, even before I could.

“Don’t do that to yourself Isabella. Yes I knew her, and yes I loved her. But that was years ago, she is nothing to me now. You are the one I wake up for. You are the one I want beside me every night. You are the only woman that I love.” he expressed and my lips trembled because I was torn between believing him and drowning in doubt.

“Then why did it feel like she had more power over you than I ever will? She handed me divorce papers, Declan. Those papers were fucking divorce papers and you just stood there without saying a word.” I reprimanded him and he flinched as though my words had stabbed him.

“I didn't say anything because I had nothing to say and I also didn't want to escalate things further. I didn't want our voices to be heard which will make the boy curious and what if he sees all of us fighting? How would he feel about it? I didn't know how to handle all of it. Baby, I know I have messed up and I should have said something, I should have defended you right there but I didn't do anything. I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry.” he expressed and because of his words, tears welled up in my eyes once again as it blurred my vision.

“I felt invisible Declan. Like I wasn't even real at that moment.” I said as he moved closer to touch me. He cupped my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him and I gulped hard.

“I just want you to know that you are the most real thing in my life. Please don't doubt that. Sabrina is my past, a mistake I walked away from. You are my present, my future, and my forever.” 

His words pierced my heart deeply. It was both healing and hurting, I wanted to believe him so badly. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and erase the image of that boy calling him daddy. But the ache inside me was louder.

“I don't know if I can get past this. Because everytime I close my eyes, I see Sabrina's face and I hear that boy's voice. It kills me Declan, in case you don't know.” I admitted with a small voice.

Declan wiped my tears away from my cheeks and I noticed his eyes were also getting wet, but he tried to mask it all up. 

“Then let me help you get past it. Let me prove to you that you are enough for me. That you are everything and I am willing to fight for us baby, please don't just give up on us.” he said and I slowly shook my head at him.

“I really don't want to give up on you. Because I love you, Declan. God, I love you so much that it hurts me. I am scared that one day you will look at that boy and realize that I can't give you what she already did.” I said and his grip tightened on me.

“Don't ever say that baby. That boy may be mine by blood, but you_” he tried to speak but held on for a bit before pressing his forehead to mine. “You are the one I chose. I chose to spend everyday and every moment with you. You are the one I want to build my life with. Do you hear me?” he said with a cracked voice and I closed my eyes, letting his forehead rest against mine.

Silence could be heard in my room for a very long time and only our breaths could be heard.

A part of me wanted to surrender to his love, and to let him heal me. Another part of me whispered doubts, and the image of Sabrina's smirk like poison in my mind.

“I don't know how to forgive you yet. But I don't want to lose you either” I said, whispering the only truth I knew about to him.

Declan pulled me closer to him as he wrapped his arm around my body. My head was on his chest and to me it felt as though he never wanted to let go, and I heard his heartbeat thunder in my ears.

“Then don’t baby. Don't lose me. We will surely figure all of this together, it is just a hard phase in our lives which will pass us by,  he whispered and I clung tightly to him. I was still trembling but I was unsure if love would be enough to save us. But at that moment, I wanted to believe it could.