Chapter 62 62. Mom?
The unnatural pallor. The grayish tint to her skin. The complete stillness of her chest.
"Mom?"
I stood on trembling legs and lunged for the light switch. Harsh fluorescent brightness flooded the room, making everything stark and terrible.
"No. No, no, no."
I grabbed the blanket and yanked it down with shaking hands. Her body was rigid, cold to the touch. Her limbs locked in that formal position, like she'd carefully arranged herself before...
"MOM!" The scream ripped from my throat. "Mom, wake up! Please wake up!"
I shook her shoulders desperately, but she remained the same. Still and silent and gone.
My back hit the wall. I slid down to the floor, the letter crushed in my fist as sobs racked through me.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The words kept falling out between gasps. "I should've come sooner. I should've visited. Please... I'm sorry..."
Her phone. Call someone. Do something.
I crawled to the nightstand, grabbed her flip phone, and fumbled with the keypad until I managed to dial 911.
"My mother-she's-she's not breathing-she's cold-please-"
"Ma'am, I need you to stay calm. What's the address?"
I choked it out, barely forming words.
"Help is on the way. Stay on the line."
But help was too late. Just like me.
I crawled back to the bed and took her stiff hand. My thumb shook as it brushed over the knuckles.
"I wasn't a good daughter," I whispered. "I left you alone. I messed up everything. I'm sorry."
The letter lay crumpled on the floor, her final words staring up at me:
'You destroyed everything good about my existence just by being born.'
Sirens rose in the distance.
Paramedics moved quickly once they arrived, though we all knew there was no remedy. One of them gently pulled me away from the bed.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "There's nothing we can do. She's been gone for over 24 hours."
A few days. While I was locked in Ronan's basement, fighting to survive, my mother was dying alone in this house.
They covered her body with a white sheet and began preparing to move her. I watched in numb silence as they lifted the stretcher, wheeling her toward the door. I followed like a ghost, the letter clutched in my left hand.
Outside, the rain had started. A light drizzle that made everything look gray and washed out. Neighbors had gathered on their porches and front lawns. I recognized some faces from childhood.
The Pattersons from next door. The Davises from across the street. Others I'd never bothered to learn the names of.
They all stood there watching, arms crossed, faces showing varying degrees of curiosity and judgment.
"Where were you?" The words came out hoarse and raw as I marched to Patterson's. "Where were you when she needed help?"
Mrs. Patterson shifted uncomfortably. "We didn't know-"
"She was your neighbor for fifteen years!" My voice cracked. "You couldn't knock on her door? You couldn't check if she was okay?"
"Now hold on," Mr. Patterson called out. "Your mother wasn't exactly friendly. Always yelled, never said hello, only threw curse words-"
"Because she was suffering!" Tears streamed down my face, mixing with the rain. "Because she was sick and alone and you all just ignored her!"
"That's rich coming from you." Mrs. Patterson's tone sharpened. "Her own daughter didn't visit. Too busy living it up with that billionaire boyfriend of yours."
The accusation struck like a knife between my ribs.
"Bad daughter," someone muttered from the back of the small crowd.
"The mother was no saint either," another voice added quietly. "The way she used to scream at that girl when she was young-"
"Shut up!" I stomped at their pristine lawn. "You don't get to talk about her like that! You don't know anything!" I dropped to my knees and clawed at the grass with my free hand. I ripped up chunks of it, threw them. Stomped on the flowers lining her walkway, crushing petals under my feet.
"You knew she was alone! You knew and you did nothing!" I uprooted more plants. "She died alone because of people like you!"
"Ma'am!" One of the paramedics was rushing toward me. "Ma'am, please-"
But I got on my feet and bolted. I didn't know where, but I knew I had to run away from them, from the ambulance, from the white sheet covering my mother's body, from everything.
Behind me, voices called out. Generic shouts to stop, to wait, to come back. They didn't even know my name to call it.
I ran faster, my bare feet pounding against wet concrete. The rain fell heavier now, soaking through my torn shirt.
"You should have been there. You should have tried harder. You're the worst daughter. She died hating you."
Mama Cortez's voice echoed through my mind: "You'll carry that regret forever if you don't make peace with her."
But there was no peace now. No chance to fix it. No second chances.
"You failed her. Just like you fail everyone."
Shut up you stupid voice!
Thunder cracked overhead. I stumbled, knees hitting the pavement. The letter slipped from my fingers and the wind snatched it.
"No!" I scrambled after it on my hands and knees, watching it tumble across the wet sidewalk just out of reach. "No, please-"
A shoe came down on it, trapping it against the ground. I looked up through the rain blurring my vision.
Dark hair... Golden eyes... Sharp jawline... A twisted expression...
He crouched down to my level, and his hand reached out to cup my cheek with impossible gentleness.
"Baby..."
Fresh tears spilled over. I shoved weakly at his chest with both hands. "You're not real. You're another hallucination. You're not-"
"I'm real." His arms wrapped around me, pulling me against his chest right there on the rain-soaked sidewalk. "I'm here. I'm real, Camila."
I collapsed into him, clutching his soaked shirt like it was the only solid thing left in the world. Sobs wracked through my entire body.
"She deserved better than what the world gave her, than what I gave her," I choked out between gasps. "I should have been there. I should have been a good daughter. She deserved the beautiful things of this life. She deserved love and happiness and someone who cared and-"
My voice gave out completely.
"She lived such a sad life..."