Chapter 69 Honesty
Violet
The ride back from the spa is quieter than the drive there.
Not awkward. Just soft. Like everyone is moving carefully around something fragile.
Camille is half asleep in the back seat, curled toward Theo with her head tipped against his shoulder. Her robe bag is at her feet, shopping bags piled beside her like proof that she did, in fact, win today. Theo has one arm loosely around her, the other resting near the center console, fingers tapping against his thigh in a slow, absent rhythm.
I sit in the passenger seat, staring out the window as streetlights slide past in long, glowing streaks.
My body feels loose. Heavy. Like someone turned the volume down on my nerves but forgot to shut them off completely.
For a while, no one speaks.
Then Theo clears his throat.
“You okay?” he asks quietly.
I don’t look at him. “Define okay.”
He huffs a small laugh. “Fair.”
Another stretch of silence. The car hums beneath us, steady and controlled. The driver keeps his eyes forward, giving us space without being asked.
Theo shifts slightly, careful not to wake Camille.
“Can I ask you something?” he says.
I glance at him. “You already are.”
He smiles faintly, then sobers. “This is about Rowan.”
There it is.
I look back out the window. “I figured.”
“I’m not asking as his brother,” Theo says. “I’m asking as someone who’s been watching this whole mess unfold.”
I swallow. “That doesn’t make it less uncomfortable.”
“I know,” he says. “But you don’t strike me as someone who lies to make things easier.”
“That depends who it’s for.”
He studies me for a moment. “How do you feel about him?”
The question lands heavier than I expect. Not because I don’t know the answer, but because saying it out loud feels like crossing a line I’ve been very careful to stay behind.
“I don’t know,” I say automatically.
Theo arches an eyebrow. “That’s not true.”
I exhale slowly. “You’re very perceptive for someone who jokes his way through life.”
“Defense mechanism,” he replies. “Family trait.”
I shift in my seat, fingers curling into the fabric of my leggings. “Why are you asking?”
“Because,” he says gently, “you’re not just reacting to what’s happening anymore. You’re reacting to him.”
I close my eyes for a second.
The problem is, he’s right.
“I don’t trust him,” I say finally.
Theo nods. “Okay.”
“I don’t agree with how he handles things,” I continue. “He’s controlling. He decides first and explains later. He scares me sometimes.”
Theo does not interrupt.
“But,” I add quietly, “I feel safer with him than I have with anyone in a long time.”
Theo’s tapping fingers still.
“I hate that,” I admit. “Because I don’t think safety should feel like this. Like I’m standing too close to a fire and pretending the warmth won’t burn me.”
Theo lets out a slow breath. “And yet?”
“And yet,” I say, voice lower now, “when everything goes wrong, he’s there. Not panicking. Not disappearing. He fixes things. He doesn’t flinch when it gets ugly.”
I glance at him. “That matters to someone like me.”
Theo nods slowly. “It would.”
I hesitate, then add, “I think about him more than I should.”
That gets his attention.
“How?” he asks carefully.
I shake my head. “In stupid ways. Wondering where he is. Wondering if he’s eaten. Wondering if he slept.”
Theo’s mouth curves slightly. “That sounds familiar.”
I glare at him. “Don’t.”
“I’m not teasing,” he says. “I’m listening.”
I swallow hard. “I don’t want to feel this.”
“Why?”
“Because it complicates everything,” I say. “Because I’m not the woman he needs. And he’s not the man I should want.”
Theo watches the road now, expression thoughtful. “You don’t think he needs you?”
“I think he needs control,” I say. “And I don’t bend easily.”
“That’s exactly why he needs you,” Theo says quietly.
I scoff. “That’s not comforting.”
“No,” he agrees. “But it’s honest.”
The city gives way to quieter streets. Trees. Lower buildings. The world slowing down.
“I’m asking you this,” Theo says after a moment, “because Rowan doesn’t know how to handle this. Not the right way. And if you don’t understand what you’re feeling, he definitely won’t.”
I turn toward him fully now. “So what are you asking me?”
He meets my eyes. “Are you falling for him?”
The words settle between us.
I don’t answer right away.
Camille shifts in her sleep, murmuring something unintelligible. Theo adjusts his arm, gentle.
“Yes,” I say finally. Barely above a whisper.
Theo’s jaw tightens, not in anger, but in something like concern.
“And I don’t want to,” I add quickly. “I’m not planning anything. I’m not encouraging it. I’m not imagining a future or a relationship or whatever this could turn into.”
“But,” Theo says softly.
“But I feel it,” I admit. “And pretending I don’t hasn’t made it go away.”
Theo nods once. “Thank you for being honest.”
I look at him sharply. “You cannot tell him.”
He doesn’t answer right away.
I reach for his sleeve, gripping it lightly. “Theo. I mean it. You cannot tell Rowan this. Not now. Maybe not ever.”
He studies my face, weighing something.
“Why?”
“Because he’ll take it as permission,” I say. “And I need this to stay on my terms. I need to know that if anything happens, it’s because I chose it. Not because he decided it was inevitable.”
Theo exhales slowly. “He won’t like that.”
“I don’t care,” I say. “This is the one thing that has to be mine.”
Another stretch of silence.
Then Theo nods. “Okay.”
“Okay?” I press.
“I won’t tell him,” he says. “You have my word.”
I sag back against the seat, relief washing through me so sharply it almost hurts.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Theo glances at me sideways. “Just know this.”
“What.”
“He’s already in deep,” Theo says quietly. “Whether he admits it or not.”
I look out the window again as Rowan’s house comes into view in the distance, lights glowing against the dark.
“That’s what scares me,” I say.