Chapter Eleven - Scott

Scott leaned against the rec desk and threw a glance toward Jules, who was belaying someone on the rock wall. Two days had passed since she’d kissed Scott. Two days that she had been avoiding him, and he hadn’t exactly gone out of his way to remedy that. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to her. He just had no idea what he’d say when he finally found his voice.

Scott had relived the moment at the paintball field a hundred times since she’d kissed him. He was used to girls making the first move—but not the way Julianna had. Like she hadn’t wanted to. Evidenced by the fact that she had then run away.

If he were being honest with himself, he’d admit that if Jules hadn’t kissed him at that moment, he would have done it first. She was unlike anyone he’d ever met. She didn’t care who he was. If anything, the fact that he was Scott Dallenforth was a strike against him.

And he liked that. He could be himself around her—could be human. In return, she was beautiful and funny and compassionate. What more could he ask for?

“Oy, rock star,” Jimmy called, breaking into Scott’s thoughts. “Your turn.” The nickname now held affection, as opposed to the hint of mockery Scott had detected when he’d first arrived.

Scott pushed away from the desk, tearing his gaze from Jules. “Coming.” He’d been doing nothing but practicing cleaning guns in the back room that day. He could understand why it was so important for them to be comfortable with the task. Unfortunately, it also gave his mind ample time to wander. And it always led him back to the same place.

Jules.

* * * * *

Scott cleaned the last gun of the day while sending anxious glances through the doorway that led to the rest of the barn. He was worried that Jules would leave before he had the chance to get cleaned up. She’d been conspicuously absent from the usual staff hangouts for the past couple of days, and as soon as she disappeared after work, he wouldn’t see her again until the next day.

No need to worry, though. Jules was putting away the harnesses, leaving them prepped for the next day.

A hand fell on Scott’s shoulder, making him jump. “You looking forward to finally working with the guests tomorrow?”

Jimmy.

Scott turned toward his manager and forced a smile. “Sure am.”

Not.

Jimmy had stressed over and over that guests overestimated their ability to do dangerous activities. They assumed that because they were on a dude ranch, repelling down the side of a barn was risk-free.

For the past two weeks, Scott had been able to go four-wheeling, shooting, hiking, fishing—every day he got to go play. Starting the next day, it would be more akin to babysitting and making sure no one died while on his watch.

Scott didn’t interrupt Jimmy as he gave his best tips and tricks, even though his window was closing to be able to talk with Jules, preferably alone. He’d just managed to get on his manager’s good side, though, and life had been easier since then. He’d rather not rock the boat.

By the time Jimmy had finished, Jules had disappeared. Scott didn’t let his smile drop, not until after he’d thanked Jimmy for his wisdom. But when he turned, scanning the barn for any hint that Jules might still be there, disappointment settled in his gut. She’d already left.

Out of the corner of his eye, Scott swore he saw a brief flash of curly hair right outside the barn door.

Penny.

Scott thanked Jimmy again and then leaped over the desk and ran out the door. Penny and Jules were walking toward the lodge, laughing.

His steps slowed, realization settling over him.

Jules didn’t need him. Not like he needed her. She was probably avoiding him because she was afraid he’d read more into the kiss than she’d intended. Scott didn’t know why she’d done it in the first place, considering how often she’d made sure he knew he’d been placed in the friend zone and was staying there. But she obviously regretted the impulsive move.

Anger replaced the disappointment.

“Jules,” he yelled.

Penny stopped and turned, but Jules didn’t.

“You really want to have this conversation here?” Scott’s voice carried further than he’d have thought possible, and it gave Jules pause.

She glanced over her shoulder. “There’s nothing to say.”

“I can think of a few things.”

Jules looked uneasy, like she was unsure what was on his mind and wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of the entire ranch hearing it. She murmured something to Penny, who then entered the lodge without her.

Jules hesitated before walking back toward Scott. They were starting to get an audience.

“I know somewhere better,” he said, then nodded toward the barn. To his relief, she followed. Instead of entering the barn, however, he walked around to the side, where metal stairs wound their way up the side of the building. A platform extended from an emergency exit door on each level of the barn.

Scott walked up the stairs until he was at the highest platform. The door led to the boys’ dorm. Needing a second to gather his thoughts, he sat down on one of the steps.

Jules had kept pace but chose not to sit, instead folding her arms across her chest as she walked over to a railing that wrapped around the platform. They were so high; they could see far beyond the ranch. Nothing but trees and hills and red rock for miles.

Scott had come out there each night since he’d arrived at the ranch. Armed with a headlamp, notebook, and pencil, he’d already managed to write several songs. It was amazing what some inner turmoil could do for the creative juices.

It didn’t hurt that the night sky here was the most incredible thing he’d ever seen. He hadn’t known that many stars existed.

Seconds ticked by, and Scott realized he had no idea what he wanted to say—or why.

Jules leaned against the railing, looking out over the mountainous desert that surrounded them. Another minute passed, and she glanced over her shoulder. “I’d really love to get a steak before the dining hall closes up—”

“Why are you mad?” Scott interrupted, finally finding his voice. “Is it because of the kiss? Or because I shot you during the paintball game?” His voice cracked on the last word. He hated that he cared so much. He wasn’t used to that.

Jules slowly turned. It was another moment before she said, “The paintball game.” Her words were slow, like she was having to take the time to gather them. “You said you hadn’t meant to shoot me.”

“Right. So the problem is…” He raised an eyebrow, urging her to finish his sentence, because if she knew it had been an accident, he was confused as to what the issue was.

“You wouldn’t have if you’d known it was me.”

Still not seeing the issue. “Would you rather I’d gone all Rambo on you?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Scott couldn’t have heard right, and he leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. “Sorry?”

Jules released a long sigh, like she was exhausted and didn’t want to be at the top of a barn having this conversation. “I already told you, I don’t want you treating me like you do every other girl whose pants you’re trying to get into. No meaningless compliments. No special treatment.”

Annoyance bubbled up in Scott’s chest. “For the record, I don’t do…that. Is that really what you think of me?”

She paused, suddenly seeming unsure. “Your parents sent you here for a reason. And I’ve seen the pictures that explain why.”

Scott buried his head in his hands. Yes, there were pictures. Plenty of them, thanks to the paparazzi who always seemed to catch him at his worst. Sure, Scott liked to have fun with his friends, and it usually ended with a make-out session or two, but it was just fun. Amusement. To him, kissing was no different from going to the movies. Despite how the press framed it, he didn’t take it further than that.

His gaze shot up, once again angry. Scott had never met a girl who could get under his skin like this. “That makes you an expert, huh? Just like people who see the pictures of me falling in the river or belaying Penny on the rock wall will have a perfect representation of my time here at the ranch.” He gave a quick shake of his head. “I’m not the guy in the pictures. And if I’m giving you special treatment, it’s only because I like you. Not like the girls I meet at parties and don’t ever see again. But I like, like you. And you won’t let me even try.”

Jules seemed to have been stunned into silence, not moving to leave but not sure what to say either. “In that paintball game, I knew that if you had shot me on purpose, I was safe,” she finally said, her voice shaky. “That you weren’t trying to win me over. Just seeing me as…me.” Jules’s hands were balled, and she shook them out, like she was forcing herself to calm down.

She sucked in a long, shuddered breath. “Guys always want the girl they can’t have, and then as soon as they do, they’re on to the next challenge. That’s why Blair never saw me—never realized how good we’d be together. He didn’t see me because the girl he wanted was the one girl he couldn’t have. Not when his mother was our high school principal.” She shrugged. “Joke’s on me, I guess. I tried everything, including some things I’m not proud of, to make him realize what a mistake it was. It obviously didn’t change a thing. Only difference is that Blair is a good guy, and he didn’t leave Sandra. Because it turns out that they belong together.” She gave a small, humorless laugh and then walked over and sank onto the step next to Scott.

Was that why Scott was attracted to Jules? Because she was the one girl he couldn’t have? Part of him wondered, because if he was being honest, it did make her more attractive. But if she ever returned his affection, he couldn’t imagine himself moving on without her. He’d be the world’s biggest idiot to do something like that.

Knowing he didn’t have anything to lose, Scott said, “I won’t lie, you’re gorgeous and your attempts to push me away only make me want to pull you closer. Can you blame me, though?” Jules’s gaze snapped to him, and he continued before she could run away. One of the perks of choosing the highest platform of the barn’s stairs was that it made it that much more difficult for her to leave. “But that doesn’t mean that what I feel for you isn’t real. You are the only reason I’ve been able to survive the time I have at the ranch. You and your compassion and humor and completely adorable awkwardness.”

When Jules opened her mouth to protest, he held up a finger to let her know he wasn’t quite done. “You worry about me giving you special treatment, but you don’t need it. You can clean a gun and rappel down a mountain faster than any guy here. And even though I didn’t know it was you when I shot you earlier, I can make you a promise that I’ll never go easy on you. If I were to do it all over again, I would shoot you. Twice, if it meant that much to you.”

Jules’s expression relaxed, and she bumped him with her shoulder. “You mean that?”

Scott hesitated. He had said it, but was it something he could stick to? “When I’m with you,” he said slowly, choosing his words carefully, “I can talk for hours, or sit in silence for just as long. I want to have inside jokes with you and adventures and things that no one else has but us. I’m tired of superficial. Does all of that count as special treatment?”

Silence.

And then Jules slipped her hand into his and squeezed. “I want to believe all that. I do. But whatever the truth behind those pictures in the magazines is, you can’t say that you don’t like having a new girl each night, people singing your praises wherever you go. And I mean that in the most literal sense.”

“It was fun for the first year or so,” he admitted. “But you saw what happened when I tried to do something normal. My parents wanted me to be more grounded, have a better sense of reality, but that’s not what everyone else wants. They want to put me in a bubble—pretend that I don’t exist in the same world they do. When those worlds collide, they don’t know what to do with me. I never thought I’d feel normal again. Not until I met you.”

Jules turned so she more fully faced him, her eyes searching for where the truth was hidden. “I’m sorry I’ve made things harder for you the past couple of days.”

“It’s okay,” he said, his breaths now ragged. Jules was way too close, and the way her finger was sliding over his hand—it left him dizzy. Scott forced his mind to return to the conversation. “I get why you are cautious around me. Honestly, you’re too good to be seen hanging out with the likes of me. I’ve made more bad choices than good over the past few years. Of course, you can’t tell my parents that I admitted that. I’d never hear the end of it.”

Jules smirked. And it was adorable. “I think I’ll be the judge of that, thank you very much.” The way her eyes teased him and she scooted closer—it was Scott’s undoing.

He needed to take some space. Respect Jules’s wishes. He’d just barely got her speaking to him again, after all.

Scott jumped up from the step, Jules’s hand dropping from his. “After prepping all those harnesses, I’m sure you’re starving. We better get you one of those steaks you’ve been wanting.”

Jules studied him, her eyes reflecting surprise. “Okay.”

Scott silently cursed himself. Here he’d been going on about how amazing Jules was, and she’d scooted closer in response. He was supposed to kiss her. Or at least put an arm around her. But the thought of doing that with someone he actually liked—someone who could hurt him?

He hadn’t known how to handle that. Was this how everyone felt in new relationships? This uncertainty and self-doubt?

If so, he was shocked that anyone managed to get through the dating process with their sanity still intact.

Just liking a girl for two weeks, and he was barely holding his together.