44

44
Camille

The water from the shower fell over me, running down my body and mixing with the soap suds before disappearing down the drain.
I stared at the motion, almost hypnotized, as if the current could wash away the weight I carried on my shoulders, along with the emptiness that resided inside me. But it was just an illusion. Nothing seemed enough to fill the hole that opened in my soul since that day.
Still, something was changing. Maybe it was the way Javier now approached me, as if he finally understood the depth of the pain we shared. His presence felt like a balm, even though it still carried the weight of the hurt from what he had hidden from me.
Maybe, just maybe, his pain was as genuine as mine, and that created common ground where we could both try to balance ourselves.
I turned off the shower and put on my robe, leaving the towel on my wet hair. As I left the bathroom, I saw Javier in the bedroom, pacing back and forth, his hands in his pockets, his brow furrowed in concentration.
He seemed lost in thought, but when he noticed my presence, he slowly approached. There was something in his eyes that I couldn't decipher, a mix of regret and determination.
Suddenly, without warning, he knelt before me, his eyes locked on mine. I frowned, confused by the gesture.
"Forgive me," he said, his voice firm but laden with vulnerability. "I need to know that you forgive me."
I stayed silent, surprised by his words.
He seemed so small there, on his knees, as if he was stripping away all his strength and pride in front of me.
My mind drifted to what he had hidden, the fact that he and Carmen knew about my pregnancy before I did, and yet they chose to keep that secret, taking away the chance for me to decide what to do. It was a betrayal I didn’t know if I could forget. But at the same time, there was something in his expression that told me he knew this, that he carried the weight of that choice.
"I admit I was selfish, and I regret it deeply," he continued, his voice choked. "I didn't think about what was right for you. Only about what I wanted... and the fear that you wouldn't want the baby as much as I did. It was wrong, Camille. I know, but please, forgive me."
I closed my eyes, filling my lungs with air before letting it out slowly.
I didn’t know if I was ready to forgive him, but I also knew I didn’t want to carry this bitterness forever. I felt like I needed more time, more space. And in that moment, I realized something simple, but important.
"I’m hungry," I murmured, opening my eyes and walking past him, leaving him there, still kneeling.
I heard his breath falter, but he didn’t try to stop me. I didn’t look back at him as I walked to the door, barefoot, enjoying the cold sensation of the marble against my feet. It was a small distraction, but a welcome one.
The hallway was empty, which gave me a sense of freedom I hadn’t felt in a long time. However, as I passed a few staff members, I noticed how they avoided my gaze, looking down or at anything else. It was obvious that everyone there knew what had happened, and it irritated me, even though it was something I couldn’t control.
When I entered the kitchen, the sound of conversations died instantly. The people there seemed to freeze in place when they saw me enter. I felt the furtive stares, even when they tried to disguise them. The familiarity of the situation bothered me less than I expected.
"Ma’am, do you need anything?" Carmen asked, appearing from the other side of the kitchen as soon as she saw me.
"I want something to eat," I replied simply, my voice calm but firm.
"Of course!" she said, looking relieved that I had spoken. She quickly began moving around the kitchen, giving orders to others while preparing something.
I sat at the round table, staring at my reflection in the shiny surface. My appearance was far from what it used to be, but for the first time in weeks, it didn’t bother me. In fact, I was starting to feel something new. Not happiness, exactly, but a lightness I didn’t fully understand yet.
Maybe it was the simple act of getting up and making small decisions, like leaving the room and asking for food. Or maybe it was because I had managed to tell Javier something without shouting or crying.
While I waited, Carmen placed a plate in front of me, with toast, fruits, and fresh juice. I glanced at her quickly before picking up a piece of toast and starting to eat. I didn’t say anything, but I knew she was watching me, as if making sure I was really eating.
"If you need anything else, I’ll be nearby, ma’am," she said before stepping away discreetly.
I took advantage of that moment of silence, savoring the taste of the food and thinking about what to do next. I didn’t have all the answers, but I was starting to understand that I needed more moments like this: small steps toward normality.