Chapter 18

Jake groans against my neck as my hand closes around him inside his boxers. I almost jerk out of his hands with pleasure as his fingers find what I’ve wanted from him for weeks. Lack of touch down there has me at my most sensitive and I can tell already that I’ll cum the second he really is inside of me and not just those wickedly good fingers. Jake’s mouth captures mine again as he slides his hand in a rhythmic motion and I start the familiar internal building of hot waves and clenching pleasure. It’s happening too fast, weeks of not being touched is making my body long to climax. I’m over-sensitive and at this rate it’s going to be over before it’s started. I don’t want it that way. I want to savor this and enjoy it. I have him back, in his entirety, and I want it to be everything I’ve been dreaming of.

“Jake wait.” I pant, as my legs start trembling. I don’t want it this way, I want us to get past this emotional barrier he has and have him inside of me, all hot hardness of him. If he makes me finish before he starts, then he might not follow through and I need him more than air right now. I need his body and mine as one. He buries his face in my neck again, kissing me and pushing further into the rhythm our grinding has created with subtle moans.

“Jake? Emma?” A voice rings through the house rather loudly. The familiar song of a woman that you don’t want catching you up against a wall with her son; semi-naked and about to screw you. Jake immediately snaps his head up and looks at me in sheer surprise.

“Fuck, it’s my mom.” Jake pulls his hand out of me, slides me down to my feet and hauls down my dress, throwing a quick kiss on the corner of my mouth before retrieving his T-shirt from the floor and yanking it on crazily in one fell swoop; a move suggesting this isn’t the first time he’s almost been caught red handed by her.

Noooooooooooo!

I huff and pick up my cardigan, previously discarded on the floor next to me. Jake adjusts himself and buttons his jeans in almost lightening flash speed, already walking toward the door to go see Sylvana, while I sort myself back from the frazzled horny mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. My face is on fire and my body is screaming for release, tingling in a crazy motion, making me as grouchy as sin. I want to cry right now or just kick something … really, really, hard. We were so goddamn close!

Jake was so close to getting over whatever this bloody stupid fucking thing is.

I stomp around in a circle, buttoning up my cardigan and straightening my dress, trying hard to bring some calm to the fury of hormones ravaging me.

Maybe smashing something will help.

We were so close to him trying again but now, with the interruption from his mother, I’m not sure he will do that anymore, especially if cooling off while talking to Sylvana gives him time to re-think all this; make him go back to not wanting to try at all. It was unplanned and completely fueled by the thought of Daniel and Leila marking his territory. I could scream right now!

How on Earth am I going to find a way to get that spark back in him to where we’d almost been?

My skin is still tingling with the memory of his touch and I am sure as hell not going back to its absence. That sizzling sensation on my body has me aching with longing, a pain so intense that I am not, in any way, going to let this go. I need Jake to have sex with me or I am going to go insane.

I wander out into the hall and am greeted with the sight of mother and son talking. Jake looks unruffled and normal, not that it surprises me, even after full-blown, mind-numbing sex he has a knack for looking completely fine. Sylvana, on the other hand, looks flustered and completely uncomfortable.

There’s an embarrassingly loud wailing sound echoing our way from upstairs, which is so much louder out here than in the room I just left, traveling due to having no furniture or no floor coverings in the empty echoing house. Sylvana’s face turns beetroot as the noise pitches higher.

Yes, we’re standing here listening to Leila having what sounds like an earth-shattering orgasm right now … Lovely.

“So, yeah, I’ll bring Emma over soon, Mamma. We won’t be long.” Jake kisses her on the cheek and walks

her to the door talking loudly to cover the moans still happening overhead, trying his hardest to get her out the door fast. Jake is still an old-fashioned boy at heart and subjecting his mother to any kind of sexual noise is almost as painful for him as it is for her. He looks positively agitated. I’m trying not to count how many seconds it’s lasting, annoyed, with green-eyed jealousy as I glare at Jake’s back, a little moodily, and curse internally at our interruption.

It should be me making all that noise.

I don’t know why Sylvana was here, or if her departure is because of the obviously cringe worthy noises upstairs, but I can’t help but sigh with disappointment. The noise upstairs reaches its pinnacle with a rather embarrassing long drawn-out scream and then deafening silence.

Thank God for that.

Jake shuts the front door and looks toward the ceiling with a hint of the Carrero Death Glare before walking back to me a little slowly. He lets out a long breath and glances back at the door as though checking his mother is completely out of ear shot.

“Remind me later to beat the shit out of Danny.” He grumbles and takes my hand loosely. I immediately get the vibe that what started between us is not going to continue at all. He has that whole aura of distance again with a calm and gentlemanly touch that screams celibate.

“Why’d your mom leave so soon?” I ask with more than a little attitude. Jake looks at me, with a frown and raised eyebrow combo, pointing out the obvious.

Ah okay. So maybe I would’ve run off too if I hadn’t been in the middle of trying to achieve the same noises myself.

“About before, Emma, maybe we should leave it for a bit.” Jake avoids looking at me. That urge to bash him on the head takes me over, disappointed rage and crazy hormones rise, hitting me hard.

I goddamn knew it.

“Not a fucking chance.” I snap in complete tantrum mode and yank my hand out of his. “I’ve had enough of this, you’re more than capable as you've just proven and if you don’t make good on what you started in there at some point today … then I’m going back to Queens until you fucking well do!” I spit harshly, lifting my chin toward him in complete frustration, weeks of pent-up sexual desire kicking in. Jake gawps, totally taken aback by this sudden and very loud verbal defiance and raises his hands in defense.

“Emma …” Jake puts a hand to my face, and I slap it away, a Leila type maneuver coming in handy. I am so beyond angry right now and the lack of sex between us has finally come to a head. I can’t handle this anymore, it’s torture.

“Don’t goddamn “Emma” me!” Tears prick at my eyes through sheer exasperation. This situation is getting beyond ridiculous and if I’m being honest it’s not just about the lack of sex either.

“You don’t want me, do you?” I spit as tears start falling hard. “You don’t get the same lust that I used to make you feel?” His face crumbles as he steps toward me, but I step back. He looks devastated which only upsets me more, but makes me think that maybe, finally, I’ve hit a nerve.

“Baby?” He tries to reach out for me again, but I hit his hand away, harder than before, fueled by heartbreak and emotions cruising through me at speed; pain aching inside.

“No. Don’t touch me unless you’re going to have sex with me! Do you have any idea how it feels having you go from being unable to keep your hands off me to this?” I wipe the tear away from my chin, angrily, moving anytime he tries to catch hold of me. Every frustration of the past few weeks bubbling to the surface in an extreme emotional breakdown and raging insecurity raising an ugly tortured head.

“It’s not like that, Emma … You know I still want you that way.” He’s trying but I’m not interested in hearing it, so fueled by hormones and frustration, my irrational mood moving back in. His actions of late haven’t shown me that he still feels that way, and now it’s no longer good enough to just hope.

“I want the Jake Carrero with zero ability to stop lust and love consuming him. The guy who screwed me in the back of a limo and the guy who pushed me against a hotel wall. Where is he? Because that’s who I fucking need!” I’m stomping around waving my hands, letting all fury loose, Teen Emma throwing her ponytail back in defiance.

“Emma, I don’t know what else to say.” Jake’s face is a mix of panic and pain, holding up his hands in a defensive manner, and he has no clue how to handle my sudden outburst or this version of me at all. This was supposed to be a happy day, getting the keys to our first home, and coming to see it now that it’s all ours. It’s ruined because our friends were too horny to get out of this house before having a quickie and it makes me aware that they are behaving exactly like we used to.

“You haven’t touched me that way since you kissed her!” I snap loudly, and his expression instantly turns sheepish. I swear I see the blood drain from his face, and I falter for a moment; as a tiny flash of doubt, from that bitch’s words, comes back to haunt me. Maybe he did do more than kiss her? I shake it away as stupid.

“I know.” He drops his gaze to the floor and closes his eyes. “I know how this looks, bambino, but it’s not like that. Hurting you, breaking up and then the baby, it fucked my head up more than I know how to explain, and I’m scared to have sex with you.” His voice is low and sincere, and it stops my rampant storming around, almost instantly. I turn to him more calmly, holding the crazy still for an explanation.

“Because of the baby? Talk to me, Jake, because this is killing me.” I beg him, moving toward him, holding onto the hem of his jumper like a vulnerable child, trying to understand.

“Every time I get close, Emma, all I can see is the way you looked at me that night. It’s not just about the baby it’s about how much I hurt you!” His eyes come to meet mine and flit down to my mouth, unable to rest on one feature, from eyes to mouth and back as though all he’s thinking about is kissing me. I’m shocked into silence by this unexpected confession.

“What do you mean?” I breathe softly. His slides his hands over my shoulders and he me closer, so we’re nose to nose.

“I told you I needed to learn to forgive myself too and that’s what’s stopping me. I haven’t forgiven myself for hurting you. It doesn’t matter that you seem to be able to forgive me and love me. I still feel like a complete shitty asshole for what I did to you. I don’t deserve every part of you back, Emma. When I look at you it kills me that I hurt you, this perfect, angelic, trusting face, that looks at me like I’m her everything. Don’t you see how much it hurts to know the sadness you carried in these beautiful eyes for the past few months is because of me? Not some bastard from your past but me … That I hurt you, baby. I never wanted to be that guy to you. When you told me what happened to you, I swore to myself, right there and then, that I’d never do that to you. That I’d never do anything to put that look of devastation there again, but I did, and I saw it, and no matter how hard I’ve tried I can’t get your broken face out of my head anytime I think of touching you that way.” Jake’s voice breaks.

His hands tighten on my shoulders and he clears his throat in a bid to dislodge the intense emotions caught there. I am stupefied into silence. My head is racing around in circles unable to formulate one sentence with the mish mash of thoughts brimming through my brain. My heart aching between love at what he’s saying, how deeply scarred it has made him and by sadness that he can’t overcome it the way I have.

“Jake … If I can forgive you, then all of this is stupid.” I blink up at him and see nothing but guilt and self-hatred looking back. This is never what I wanted for him; this is not how I want him to still feel about what he did. I need to fix this, because this is not the Jake I want, or the one I know he can be.

I lift my hand to his on my shoulder and clutch it, pulling it down, then turn with complete determination and yank him with me. He follows obediently like a child as though he somehow knows I’m in no mood to be questioned or refused. I storm straight for the front hall, hauling him with me at speed before he can protest. I turn at the stair and pull him after me. He’s being compliant, letting me for the first time in existence be the one to take charge without argument; a part of me tells me he wants this as much as I do. I’m empowered and not in the mood for any resistance.

Daniel and Leila appear at the top of the stairs as we come level with them looking a little disheveled. Daniel is sporting a bloody noise and a grin like the Cheshire Cat; I don’t want to know. They obviously have some severely kinky preferences and Daniel is more than able to handle Leila at her absolute worst. She seems to look a little less aggressive at least and as his hand is on her ass without any refusal from her, I assume it’s all good.

“Let yourself out, we will resume whatever later … Don’t wait for us.” I command and give Jake another demanding yank behind me. He just follows obediently with absolutely no expression on his face. He’s probably mulling over everything he said in the kitchen and wondering if I am having some sort of psychotic break that he should indulge in because of me being fragile and pregnant … I wouldn’t put it past him.

I catch Daniel throwing a cautious look over my head at Jake. He seems confused but sees some sort of sign in Jake’s face that satisfies him so they both slide past us and head down the stairs. Leila giggles as she mumbles “about time.” The sound of a slapped ass echoes our way and they disappear out the door.

I lead Jake in a very commanding manner to the biggest bedroom of the house. The one that previously held the huge four poster bed, the one I’ve already chosen as our bedroom. It’s the master suite of the whole house with the best view and I’ll make a goddamn start on claiming my home! Bedroom first.

It has thick plush carpets that are still here, and drapes left hung on the windows. I let go of Jake at the door and walk into the room toward the windows, grabbing the curtains and drawing them hastily. My mind completely made up, set on what I’m going to do to fix this little situation. Jake has spent the past couple of months fixing my emotional issues for me and I am sure as hell going to do it to him in true grand Carrero style. Never take no for an answer and don’t back down when what you want shows resistance. I’m going to earn my future surname.

Turning to the middle of the room I march forward and immediately start taking off all my clothes in a confident non-caring manner. Completely unbashful and not giving an actual fuck that the door is still open. I watch him stand a little taller, raising an eyebrow as he watches me.

“You have thirty seconds to get in here, shut that door and get naked or this.” I hold up my hand with the engagement ring on. “Gets posted to you from Queens when I dump your ass. No fiancée of mine is going to let guilt destroy our relationship … I’m no fucking nun and if you want a celibate girlfriend it won’t be me!” I snap and throw one of my shoes off, letting it fly across the room at the wall beside him aggressively. It hits it with a thud, sliding down the wall and I wonder for a moment, if this is what Leila did too.

Jake watches the descent of the shoe silently before turning his eyes back to me. There’s a look of humor and a tiny upward crease to the corner of his mouth as though a smile is not far behind, yet he’s frowning.

He still hasn’t uttered a word. He moves in wordlessly and shuts the door very carefully and deliberately, looking very much like a guy who is contemplating running away from his crazy girlfriend or fiancée or whatever. I continue pulling off every item of clothing I have on, with furious intent, and throw each item at the wall by his feet very pointedly, each time with a raised eyebrow his way.

“Well?” I stand naked, with my hands on my hips and face him. Completely unashamed at being nude with a guy who can’t seem to get over his emotional impotency. Jake runs a hand through his hair nervously and takes a deep breath. All hint of humor gone, and he just seems torn and scared, yet little hints of lust are in there. The darkening of his eyes and the way he can’t stop trailing up and down my naked body with them. He stands staring at me, as I am in front of him, for the first time in God knows how long completely stark naked.

“I fucking love you.” He stalks toward me and pushes me backward at speed, walking me the full distance of the room, with eyes locked on mine. His green depths growing more lust fueled with every step. His expression changing from dubious and scared to dominating and sure. As my back hits the wall Jake bends into me and lifts me up around his waist pushing against me and grinding into me as his mouth meets mine. He slides his tongue into my mouth, and I can already feel the difference in his kiss, a hint of old passion and burning desire switching on his more aggressive Carrero Casanova mode.

Thank the stars … Finally!

“I said naked, Carrero.” I push his face away, so I can give him my best haughtiest glare. He smirks and lets me loose from the wall, sliding me down to my feet and steps back. His sweater is off in one easy movement over his head, making him strain every one of his delicious muscles. My body heating up in readiness as I watch him. I can’t tear my eyes off that magnificent frame.

He looks down and unbuttons his jeans easily, sliding them and his boxers down in one go, as he pulls his trainers off discarding it all in a heap quickly. There is no hesitation in his glorious face anymore, just the look of the guy who carried me into his room the first night he ever took me as his. He wants and needs me, and nothing will stop him. My heart soars that I finally have all of him back.

Within moments he’s completely naked and I can’t stop my eyes wandering over that hunky body, hungrily, devouring every inch that he’s kept from me, my eyes almost glued to the part of him that will bring me the most pleasure.

“Looking at me like that definitely helps.” His husky hoarse tone sounds exactly like the Jake I need, and he grabs my hand yanking me toward him forcefully. He catches me, behind my neck and the small of my back and flips me onto the plush carpet in one fast stroke, making me catch my breath. I squeal in the delight at the obvious return of his manhandling at its finest, the grand return of Carrero. He maneuvers on top of me with a firm stroke down between us, along my abdomen and down to my thigh.

“No hands,” I murmur breathlessly, “I’m too close and I just want you.” I lock eyes on his and catch the flicker of doubt cross his face suddenly. His focus moves across my body between us as his brain starts to take over. “Look right here at me.” I urge him. His eyes come back to my face. “Look at me Jake, don’t stop looking at how much I love you and how much I need you in this way. I forgave you and I need you to forgive you too if this is ever going to work.” I silently plead, hoping my expression translates all that he needs to see.

He gazes at me with the slow change of his eyes, from darkest green to pale as every doubt and thought starts consuming him. I push my head up and kiss him slowly and gently to stop the onslaught. He opens his mouth enough so I can slide my tongue in, and he follows me back down to the floor, so I can lie my head back. His touch raises the heat inside me once more to a soaring temperature, effortlessly and I start to let my hands roam him sexily. My kiss devouring him in the way he always consumes me, and he starts to respond. His body hardening against mine as his hands move down over my exposed breasts.

I slide a hand between us and find him, urging him with strokes and caresses as he groans into my mouth, and I know I’m winning. I’m pushing away his doubts and indecisiveness, bringing him back to me again. I slide my legs apart, so he comes to nestle between them and wrap my thighs around his hips suggestively, securely, so he has no way to escape from me. Our bodies naturally starting to move against one another. He breathes in heavily and breaks from my kiss.

“I don’t want to hurt the baby.” He murmurs against my mouth and I just shake my head.

“There’s more chance of you hurting me by not doing this, the doctor told you that this is perfectly fine and even healthy for us to have sex.” I soothe and stare straight into his eyes lovingly, open trust all over my face.

He takes another deep breath, locking his focus fully onto my face, roaming over my eyes and nose and mouth slowly, as though imprinting it to memory.

“You’re so beautiful, Emma. I don’t know what I did to deserve perfection like you,” he croons softly, staring at me, without fully connecting our bodies yet.

“You have no idea how many times I tell myself the same thing about you. You rescued me from myself, Jake. I owe you everything. I belong with you. I belong to you and I always will. Stop fighting yourself on this and just show me how much you love me instead of telling me. I need to feel it again because I miss it, so much more than you can ever imagine.” I kiss him, feeling the change in him as his body relaxes into me. His hands find my wrists, sliding them above my head pinning them to the soft floor, a move that only my sexually competent man would make without thinking about it.

Yes, come back to me, Jake, I need you. The real you.

His body moves slowly against mine, that furious arousal in me heightens and hitches, he devours my mouth and then my neck and back again. His tongue caressing mine, helping me get lost in pleasure as his body slowly slides with mine. I wriggle a hand free and once again find him hard and ready. I maneuver myself and use my grip on him to find our way together, lifting my hips, sliding him into me very slowly, pensively, waiting for him to put a halt to all of this and hold my breath. He tenses and pauses as his kiss stops for a sheer second.

Stay with me, Jake, don’t give up on us please.

He exhales and screws his eyes closed tight. Our bodies adjusting to the sensation of being joined again, my body stretching, as he inches slowly inside of me. We’re fully connected yet neither of us are moving. Jake lifts himself over me, using his hand by my wrist to steady his weight, and catches my free hand returning it to the same position beside the other. I let out a slow sigh of relief. Him holding me down and gazing directly into my eyes is a sure sign that he isn’t going to try to stop this.

He slowly moves back and then forward easing in and out of me letting us both get used to the feel of each other again. I groan as the sensation floods through me, keeping my eyes wide open, never breaking our connection, so I don’t lose him in his own head. I want how I look now to be the thing he sees when we make love, not the memory of that girl he broke in two. I want to erase his guilt and see only where we are now—that’s all that matters anymore.

He does it again and some of the tension softens in his furrowed brow and gorgeous narrowed eyes. This time he groans softly under his breath as my body tingles and soars.

“You feel so good.” He moans softly. My answer doesn’t make it out of my mouth as he moves again, in quick succession, with a few gentler thrusts. All I can do is inhale and arch my back as my body jumps into high pleasure mode. Being held down this way he has full access to my breasts, and he tips his head catching a nipple between his teeth softly.

“Harder.” I command, in a raspy tone, as he moves into me again with the same painfully slow motion. He sucks my nipple and a shooting wave of pleasure sparks straight from there to my core, causing me to groan out far more loudly than I realize. It spurs him on, the next thrusts are firmer and more intense. Jake lets go of my wrists and cages my head with his hands, so he can push his body higher above me, giving him a better leverage. He thrusts again with more passion and intent, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Oh, my God.” I start whimpering as the rolling waves of hotness tingle at my toes moving slowly up with his every push inside of me. My hands come to his arms, snaking around his muscles, my nails dragging on his skin. I’m rolling around in ecstasy and when he begins to push into me more rhythmically, with harder thrusts; I start to lose all control. “Oh God! Yes! God … Jake.” I cry out as I scream internally with extreme divine pleasure. Every single moment of being joined with him takes away the last pains or regrets in my heart; being reunited this way is the final healing balm I need.

“Wait for me, baby, I’m really close.” He groans with a devilishly low tone that is as sexy as sin. It’s been so long for both of us that neither of our bodies can contain the pleasure, brimming close to conclusion without effort. The tidal waves and ripples growing are coursing up from my legs and over my pelvis. His thrusts harder with more intent.

I’m trying so hard to let him find his release with me but I’m being taken over by them, crying out and groaning, panting, and clawing at his shoulders in ecstasy. I can’t contain it much longer as it consumes every fiber of my body and my visions turns to the tingling sparks of an orgasm coming close enough to engulf me.

“Now baby. Fuck.” Jake’s groans out and we both explode together, stars and sensations crashing through my body making me convulse and arch into him, losing all sight to the blackness that consumes me while each wave and racking spasm runs its course. It lasts for what seems like forever, bursting fireworks and satisfying ripples then convulsions before I’m finally still.

We lie motionless, entangled in the aftermath of our release for a few moments, my fingers in his hair and I run my nails lightly through it as he rests his head in the crook of my neck.

“I love you so much, Emma, more than I can ever tell you, baby.” His voice is raspy and deep, and I start smiling against his head.

“I’m pretty sure what you just did more than tells me.” I grin as he levers himself up to plant a firm kiss on my mouth; the look of hesitation he had is now gone, that haunting faint look in his eye that was lingering for weeks, always brimming under the surface like a tiny insecurity; is completely gone.

“We just christened our house … Now we just have to do that in every room before we can officially move in.” He grins at me, boyishly, his face returning to the man I missed so much, a hint of cheeky and a lot of sexual innuendo lurking in its depths.

You’re finally back. God, I missed you.

“Well, seeing as I have crazy ravaging hormones that make me sex mad and I’m already hoping for a second-round I wouldn’t say it’s a chore.” I grin at him some more, seeing his body heave with a huge, relaxed sigh.

“I’m game if you are,” he winks sexily; that gorgeous dark lust-filled depths to those eyes already returning.

“Completely!”