Chapter 396

"Twenty minutes max," he calls after me, but I'm already darting up the stairs so I can set about looking for something appropriate.

I don't know why, but maybe it's all this marriage talk and thinking about cheating husbands and weird fetishes that planted a seed in my head somewhere during the last few days. I thought about what I wasn't giving him in terms of his needs. More specifically, Alexi's lack of kinky sex, bondage and such, since we got together. I know he took it off the table because of how I am with it, but I know it's in him to want it and long for it. That's what kinks are. Strong desires and urges, and men stray when theirs are not met. He married a sex worker with more skills than most, and he should be able to use that for his own pleasure when he needs it.

God knows I revel in his skills from his past.

I don't want Alexi to be unsatisfied with our sex life anytime soon, I want to be all he needs, all he desires. After these past few days, I feel like he needs to know I will go the extra mile for him whenever he needs me to. He has changed so much for me, so I should, and will manage my hang-ups for the occasional BDSM themed night of passion. I trust him not to put me in a position where I'm traumatised. He knows my worst and he won't cross a line.

I rush about the bedroom we are using, pulling all my clothes out of my case, looking for sexy underwear, suspenders and such, and something we could use in a very gentle game of bondage and restraint.

This is a huge leap of faith and trust for me, and I believe in the fact he will never hurt me. That he knows my limits and won't cross boundaries. I already know that pain isn't his thing, it's just about control and restraint. I can live with that if it's him. I love him enough to try, and then when I've done it once, it can be something we visit from time to time when he wants something spicier. I won't let him get bored of me.

I can push all my fears and scars aside for him. I can do this. I can be what he needs in every way. I love him that much and I want him to see that he is worthy of a love so deep I'm willing to do anything for him. Undo the doubts his mother put inside his head. Now more than ever.

I strip off, ignoring the clawing, rising trepidation and nerves, and pull on red lingerie in sexy lace and matching suspenders; completely focused on what I'm doing and pushing fear aside. Aware he won't be long, so I'm being speedy. Fishnet stockings and red stilettoes. Hair pulled up into a messy updo and I retouch my makeup with a sultry smoky eye and my devil-red lips I had neglected to put on for lunch at his mother's when opting for a toned-down shade. Alexi likes this colour on me. I'm dressing up in a way I know he will appreciate, tailoring to what he likes on me for extra oomph. Intent on turning him on and making him wild with need.

I give myself a once over, hands beginning to tremble as I take in the sultry, seductive goddess before me. She looks confident and capable and in no way quaking internally with a dry mouth and pounding heart rate. Sex Queen from head to toe. I pull out the long leather belts I had to rummage in Alexi's case for when looking for suitable restraints. They're not ideal but I have to work with what I can find.

Two, one black and one brown, expensive, soft Italian leather belts with small buckles. Not very daunting to look at but to me a terrifying decision that will take extra will power to carry out. The thought of it makes my hair stand on end and I get goosebumps all over in dreaded anticipation. I feel like my body goes limp and weak and my blood runs cold at what I'm about to do, willingly.

Trust.

I keep chanting this to myself. A reminder to keep myself calm and immerse myself in the faith I have in him. The importance of this for me is to show him I trust him. He has taken so many huge steps for us and I need to show him I'm willing to do the same. I'm willing to put my fears aside and give him one of his biggest desires to make him happy too. I know he won't do anything terrifying to me even while he has full control and the green card to do as he pleases.

I catch the sound of footsteps on the stairs and panic, haphazardly throwing the suitcases off the bed and kicking them to one side neatly. Running to pull the blind so the room is in semi-darkness, and quickly light the array of candles I collected from all over the room to sit along the vanity to create a low sultry ambience. I press my phone for the soothing music to play over the Bluetooth surround sound system just as Alexi walks into the bedroom and catches sight of me standing with my hands behind my back, concealing the two belts I have rolled up to hide. My chest heaving from my last-minute manic run about and the pulsing, throbbing wave of apprehension from what I'm about to do.

My heart is pounding through my chest, breathing shallow and nerves frayed but I can do this. I just need to look at him and remind myself that I"d die for this man. He makes everything in my life right, and I owe him some sort of token that's more than just saying I love you.

He stands for a second in the doorway as his vision adjusts to the lower light and I can see the shining glints of his eyes as they travel up my body from feet to face. Taking me in, scanning the room as he relaxes against the frame and a smile spreads across his face. He seems calmer, back to confident alpha, probably thanks to a few shots of booze, and much more relaxed in posture.

"Well, this looks enticing. Are we playing games or just getting romantic?" he asks huskily, lust consuming him as soon as he lays eyes on my outfit. The way he slowly gazes over me again, lingering on my breasts tells me this works for him.

"Come in, shut the door and you will find out." I purr at him, sex kitten on full show and relying on my years of self-training in how to make a guy crumble before your feet. Little sexy mannerisms going full throttle, pouting, pushing my bust and arse out and making sure I let my hands glide to key points of my body to allure him even more. I'm competent in seduction, and I want him to believe I'm in full control and fully on board with this. If he senses doubt, he will stop it and banish this from sex in the future. His need to protect me overrides everything else, even his own desires. He sacrifices so much for me.

Alexi does as I tell him, a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he walks in confidently and turns to shut the door firmly. His slow deliberate movements, so very catlike sometimes.

"Take your clothes off while you're at it," I command forcefully, still that low husky tone that always guaranteed to make men horny. Internally, I'm still shitting myself, but at least I sound sure and can hide the wobble in my voice. A sudden wave of faintness coming over me and I swallow it down to push it away.

He turns slowly, smirks at my show of dominance and starts unbuttoning his shirt carefully, eyes on me and being very cocky about it. He has already discarded his jacket and cufflinks downstairs; he kicks off his shoes, eyes homed in on me in an unbreakable gaze as we lock together. He seems amused by me taking over and not against it so I hold steady and know that if he goes for this, I may just brighten his night and smooth over some of the upset from earlier. He deserves someone to pull out the stops for him. He deserves my complete and utter devotion.

I fidget with the belts behind my back but hold my ground, walk slowly towards the bed while facing him so he doesn't see them, and stop at the foot.

"Hurry up, I'm waiting."

Another command as he slides his shirt off, exposing all that chiselled perfection and dark ink across his body and he swiftly removes his trousers, boxers and socks until he is completely naked and very obviously getting hard. I watch that flawless specimen as he saunters to the bed, trailing a hand across my abdomen as he comes level with me, aching to touch me as much as I want to touch him. I shiver at the familiar touch, body eager to unite with him again, but I hold back and wait.

"I thought you liked to be dominated, what's with the switch up?" He doesn't sound overly bothered, more intrigued and maybe a little excited about the prospect of a reversal. As much as he likes to be boss, I think occasionally he is open to me taking the lead. He admitted I did on our wedding night anyway and he had no complaints on that front.