Chapter 37 Why am I here?
Tegan
The first thing I notice is the silence.
Not normal silence. Not the kind that feels calm. This one is…heavy. Like the whole room is waiting for something.
My eyes open slowly, like they don’t really want to. My head throbs, dull and deep, and my body feels wrong, too heavy, like I’ve been dropped back into it.
The ceiling comes into focus.
Pink. Why's my ceiling pink, an oddly familiar pink. My ceiling is supposed to be white. A wave of panic accompanied by confusion rushes through me.
This is my room. Like my actual room,not the one in my Penthouse close to Whitlock.
I frown slightly, my brows pulling together. That doesn’t make sense.
“She’s awake” I hear someone say.
My heart stutters.
I turn my head, slow, everything lagging a second behind me, and then I see them. My eyes land on my mom who's standing close to the bed. My dad by the door, Sophie and Charlie by the other side of the bed. My brother Leo also standing close.
Is this a dream? It better be or I'm losing my mind now.
They're saying something in the background, but I'm not paying attention. Last thing I remember, I was at the rink with Hayes.
Hayes, where is he?
“Tegan” a familiar voice calls, holding my hand.
Doctor Helena.
Perfect posture, like always. Calm, composed, but her eyes are too sharp, watching me too closely.
I look around again and everyone's out. I'm still confused but I feel some kind of relief now that someone can explain whatever is going on.
“What…” My voice comes out scratchy. Weak. “What happened?”
Helena exhales softly, like she’s been holding that breath for a while.
“You passed out”
The words hit, and then everything rushes back.
The storage room,The rink, Ethan, Hayes.
The smell.
God, the smell.
Sharp. Burning. It felt like it was inside my head, like I couldn’t breathe it out. It started mildly,but I ignored it. Too engrossed on dry humping Hayes.
Shit, My stomach flips just thinking about it, and my hand moves instinctively, pressing against it.
Helena notices immediately.
Of course she does.
“Hey,” she says gently, reaching out and resting her hand lightly over mine. Not stopping me. Just steadying me. “Easy.”
Her voice softens.
“You’re okay,” she says. Then, quieter, like it matters more, “Both of you are.”
My chest tightens.
Both of you.
I freeze.
My throat feels dry. “They… know?”
“No.” Helena doesn’t even hesitate. “No one knows.”
Thank fucking goodness, Something in my chest loosens, just a little.
“And they won’t,” she adds, softer. “Not from me.”
I swallow, trying to sit up a little, but my head spins and I stop.
“What happened?” I ask again. “I didn’t feel sick, I just–”
“You were in an enclosed space,” she says, slipping into that calm, doctor voice.
“Those storage rooms are full of strong cleaning chemicals. Especially one at a rink. In a tight space, the fumes build up quickly.”
I blink at her, trying to piece it together.
“You inhaled too much,” she continues. “It overwhelmed your system. That’s why you got dizzy… and lost consciousness.”
“So I just… passed out?” My voice sounds small. Even to me.
“Yes.” She nods once. “Your body shut down to protect itself.”
There’s a pause.
Then she adds, more gently—
“And because you’re pregnant… your body is more sensitive right now. Your sense of smell is stronger. Your system reacts faster.”
My fingers curl slightly against the bedsheet.
“…the baby?” I ask, before I can stop myself.
Helena’s expression changes.
Not worried.
Certain.
“I checked everything,” she says.
She reaches into her bag and pulls something out, placing it beside me on the bed.
I don’t look at it yet.
“Heartbeat is strong,” she continues.
“Everything is developing exactly as it should.”
Her voice softens, just a little.
“Your baby is healthy.”
The words settle over me slowly.
Too slowly.
Like I can’t quite catch up to them.
Helena straightens slightly, her tone shifting again, firmer now.
“You need to be careful,” she says.
“No more staying in places like that. If something smells strong, you leave. Immediately.”
Her gaze holds mine.
“You’re not just responsible for yourself anymore.”
That lands.
Deep.
My hand tightens a little over my stomach.
“I didn’t think it would be that bad,” I whisper.
“I know,” she says softly. “You won’t always be able to predict things like that. But now you understand how your body reacts.”
She stands, smoothing her clothes, but she doesn’t leave right away. Her eyes linger on me, protective… and something else.
Something heavier.
“I’ll keep this between us,” she says quietly. “For as long as you need.”
There’s something in the way she says it. Something about my mom that we’re both not saying out loud.
I finally look down at what Helena put beside me.
A small print.
Blurry. Tiny.
But real.
My chest tightens, something twisting inside it.
That’s—
That’s mine.
I press my hand a little more firmly against my stomach, like I can feel something already.
Like I should.
“I'll send you the details about our antenatal sessions and your scan” she says and gets up to leave.
The door creaks before I can say anything else.
I don’t even have to look,I know that careless, no-knock energy.
Charlie.
“—she’s awake?” she says, already halfway inside.
Sophie slips in right after her, softer, quieter, her eyes landing on me immediately like she’s been holding that worry in her chest for hours.
Relief washes over her face so fast it almost hurts to look at.
“Oh thank God,” she breathes, rushing to my bedside. “You scared us.”
Charlie doesn’t rush. She hovers near the door, running a hand through his hair, like she doesn’t know what to do with herself now that I’m… fine.
Well things are still a bit awkward between the three of us. Maybe with Charlie and I
I swallow, pushing myself up a little more despite the heaviness in my head.
“Why am I here?” I ask, my voice tighter now.
“Did Hayes–” I start but she cuts me off.
The question comes out sharper than I mean it to.
Charlie frowns. “No I brought you here”
Seriously? She brought me here because I passed out. What happened to a goddamn hospital. More importantly how did she get me if I fainted at the rink? Did Hayes abandon me? Did he take me back to my apartment and—
Shut up Tegan.
“Why did you bring me here?” I ask in a whisper. Scared anyone can pass and hear it.
“You needed it Tee, you needed some space from all of that. I decided to bring your ass here for a vacation since you won't willingly come” she says, like it’s obvious.
“Where else were we supposed to take you?” Sophie adds.
“The hospital,” I shoot back immediately. Are they not normal.
Sophie’s brows knit together. “Helena said you didn’t need—”
“That’s not the point,” I cut in, my chest tightening. “You shouldn’t have brought me here.”
Here.
Home.
The word sits wrong in my mouth.
Charlie’s expression changes, confusion slipping into something more cautious. “Tee… what’s the big deal?”
I look away.
Because I can’t say it.
Because I can already feel it creeping in, that tight, crawling feeling under my skin.
My dad.
If he finds out I fainted—
If he starts asking questions—
My hand presses subconsciously against my stomach again, like I can hide it just by touching it.
Sophie notices.
Of course she does.
Her gaze flickers down for a second, then quickly back up, covering it with a small, reassuring look.
“We just thought you’d be more comfortable here,” she says gently.
“Your mom was already—”
The door opens again.
And everything in me goes still. As my mom and my little brother walk in.
“My baby?”
Her voice.
Soft. Warm. Bright with worry,and something else.
Relief.
My mom rushes in before anyone can answer, her presence filling the room instantly. She comes straight to me, sitting on the edge of the bed like she needs to be close, like distance isn’t an option.
Her hands find my face, my hair, my shoulders, checking, touching, grounding.
“Are you okay? They said you fainted. God, you look so pale—”
“I’m fine,” I mumble, but it comes out weak.
She doesn’t believe me.
She never does.
“Oh, sweetheart…” Her voice softens, her thumb brushing gently over my cheek. “You must have been so scared.”
The guilt hits so suddenly it almost makes me flinch.
Because she looks so… happy.
Not happy that I fainted of course. But happy I’m here. Safe. Home. With her.
Like this is where I belong.
And I’m lying to her.
Every second.
“Doctor Helena said she’s okay,” Sophie adds carefully, glancing toward my mom. “Just… exhaustion and the smell in the storage room.”
My mom gasps softly. “Chemicals? Oh my God, why would they even let students near something like that?”
If only you knew what your daughter was doing in there.
Charlie shrugs. “It’s the rink. Stuff’s always just… there.”
She shakes her head, already fussing again, smoothing my hair back.
“We should report that. That’s not safe. What if something worse had happened?”
Something worse.
My stomach twists.
“You’re staying home tomorrow,” she says firmly. “No arguments. I’ll make your favorite soup, okay? You need to rest.”
I nod, because I don’t trust my voice.
Because if I open my mouth, something might slip out.
Something that will change everything.
She smiles at me like I’m still her little girl.
And my chest aches.
Because I am.
But I’m also not anymore.
Not with this secret sitting inside me.
Not with this life I haven’t told her about.
My fingers curl slightly into the bedsheet as I stare down at nothing, my thoughts too loud, too heavy.
Around me, everyone is talking, Charlie saying something, Sophie answering, my mom fussing again, but it all blurs together.
I have to face my Dad. After running from him through all ways possible.
Way to go Charlie.