Chapter 69

AVALINE

"These are my feelings, Avaline. You're not in the position to dictate what it is and what it is not. I'm in love with you."

Hot tears touched my cheeks. I had dreamed of him falling in love with me. But I didn't know how painful it would be to hear that from him.

Does he know the depth of that emotion? The only thing he knows is how to get what he wants. What if he’s just saying that because he knows how long I've wanted to hear it from him?

"Do you hurt the person you love, Czar?"

He looked startled. There was a hint of recognition in his expression, as if he had heard these words before.

"Do you use the person you love? Then push them away when they are no longer useful to you? If that's the case, I don't want your love! You love selfishly."

He swallowed.

"I was never shown love that much, Avaline," he replied hoarsely. "My mother, who was the only person in my life capable of that emotion, left me early. I only have vague memories of what love felt like and how it is shown."

My eyes widened. He’s laying himself bare. Czar is not the type to look back. To him, what matters is what is in front of him. A wound that’s dried should not be poked anymore. But he is opening old wounds for me.

“That will never justify the pain I caused you,” he interjected. “But in the months that we were married, you showed me what… love is. I wanted it so much that it scared me.”

I pinched my hand, punishing myself for letting him slowly crush my resolve. I was getting lost in his words, feeling like I was no longer in reality. Pinching myself helped.

I blinked and steeled my expression.

“And I’m done resisting. I want you for always. To be on the receiving end of your love and to learn so that I could love you right."

I also want the things he wants. But I can't bring myself to trust his words yet. He has hurt me and dismissed me so many times before. Declarations like this aren’t enough.

I wiped away my tears.

"Get out, Czar," I said weakly. "Please."

To my surprise, he nodded and went to the door. I was paralyzed in my spot and couldn’t follow him to at least lock the door after he left.

He held the doorknob but didn’t pull it to close the door.

"I love you, carino." Then he left.

That wasn't goodbye after all—just a promise of what is to come.

My hands are cold and sweaty. My father never called me into his office during my time as a soldier; he lets me do my thing. Did I mess up my job somehow? I hope not.

But I couldn't think clearly about the scolding I might possibly get from my father; I'm preoccupied with Czar's presence over the last week.

Whenever I'm going to work, he's following me. When I'm going home, he's just outside sleeping in his car. It's infuriating! I'm supposed to be a soldier yet here are two people acting like bodyguards—Czar and Sibley.

It seems he's memorized the times when I'm eating too. As soon as I wake up, there's someone knocking on my door saying they delivered food that I've paid for even though I haven't ordered anything at all! When I get home, there's dinner waiting outside my apartment already. I'd like to refuse those things and return them to him, but why would I turn down such blessings? I just think it’ll help me save money too. And knowing Kairos, he'd throw away any meal once I reject it—I don’t want food to be taken for granted.

My mini fridge is almost full with leftovers now because if he buys something, it's like having many people at home with me! Just his breakfast meal alone can serve as breakfast, lunch, and dinner for me!

Last night, I knocked on his car while he was sleeping. Just one knock and he woke up immediately. On impulse, he grabbed his gun. I rolled my eyes. He stopped when he saw me.

He unlocked his car. I stepped back and he opened the door. He stared at me as if it were a miracle that I was standing in front of him.

"Come out." He did.

His hair was disheveled and his eyes were bleary. He did not look like the capo. He looked like my... ex-husband whom I used to wake up to every morning in the past.

I looked away. I dumped two bags of takeout dinner that had been delivered to me.

"I have enough food and I can afford it." I put my hands on my waist. "Czar, please go home. Do you plan on making your car your permanent address?"

Doesn't he get a stiff neck? And don't his legs ache because he can't stretch properly?

And he's the capo. He can't just neglect his duties.

"You can't leave your territory for too long," I couldn't hide the concern in my voice. "You're leaving them vulnerable. What if they need you right now?"

"Eiran, Alaric, and Adonis are there. They can keep Saint Petersburg in check," he said as if it weren't a big deal. And he was still staring at me, as if he didn't care about what I was saying.

I sighed.

"We've talked about this, Czar, right?" My brows knitted together in frustration. "We're done. We don't need to fix anything about our marriage—"

A cold surface suddenly pressed against my back, and I realized that Czar and I had switched positions. Now I was leaning against his car.

We were breathing each other's air. His woodsy scent filled my nose. He held my gaze and cupped my nape. His other hand enveloped my waist, making the hairs on my skin rise. My heart pounded. With each second, I doubted I'd survive this.

"I can't go home without you, carino," he murmured. "I tried being without you for the last month, and it was fucking hell."

He nipped my lower lip, and I arched into him.

"Fuck! I haven't held you for a month, and it felt like forever," he said miserably. "Come home with me, Avaline."

I shook my head to shake off the memory. I couldn't face the warmth rising in my cheeks. Obviously, I didn't give in to Czar's wishes. If I had, I wouldn't be in Yekaterinburg right now.

I nodded at Ziven. It's still a strange experience trying to treat each other as colleagues when he was once my bodyguard.

Morana backed away when I encountered her. She has been a housekeeper for the De Greco household for years but still flinches at the slightest hint of brutality. For example, the gun in my holster. Being part of the Islas organization made me more respectable and intimidating in her eyes.

Dad was sitting in his home office, waiting for me. He scanned me from head to toe, looking for scratches. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Life as a soldier suits you."

My cheeks flushed seeing my father's expression filled with pride.

"Thank you, sir," I said in a formal voice.

He waved a dismissive hand. "I did not call you here today as a soldier, Ava. I wanted to talk to you as father and daughter." He stood up from his chair, turned around, and leaned against his desk.

The tension in my chest loosened. I hadn’t messed this up after all.

"The presence of a certain suitor has raised concerns among my underbosses." He arched a brow at me meaningfully. "Despite our temporary truce, seeing him roam around Islas territory freely doesn’t sit well with my men."

I shut my eyes briefly and shook my head. If only that man would follow my demands and just leave.

Nothing escapes Czar's attention. He may be preoccupied with getting me back, but it’s impossible that he doesn’t know he’s being talked about here in Yekaterinburg. Does he want me back so badly that he’s willing to face the wrath of our men? Or maybe he’s just suicidal?

"That man can’t be told what to do. He’s determined to take you back," Dad said. "And I just want to say that I’ll forgive you for whatever actions you wish to take. You won’t be a traitor to our organization. There is no greater betrayal than my neglect and absence in your life while growing up. I want to guarantee your happiness. If it’s not here, I’m fine with it."

Will I be happy with Czar? What if he’s just being affectionate now that he wants me back?

"If you’re attached to our organization, you could go with Czar and provide us with information—"

"No, Dad," I said firmly and was rewarded with a bark of laughter from him.