Chapter 54

AVALINE

He had gone stiff. His arms around me were no longer gentle. He held me tighter as if he wanted to stop me from bolting. I won't run away.

"Czar."

Seeming to notice my discomfort, he loosened his arms.

"Who told you?"

I bit my lip. "I..."

He moved away from me to see my expression. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"You what, Avaline?" His patience surprised me. If we had this conversation at the beginning of our marriage, he would've snapped at me by now.

"I called my father. That's why the door was locked..."

He let out a harsh breath. He looked murderous. My heart dropped when he regarded me like I was his biggest disappointment and traitor. But I had to do it.

"My father isn't involved in the attacks," I kept saying. "His soldiers are acting on their own. They are disobeying him."

He huffed. "And you believed your old man."

"He planned this, Czar!" I exclaimed. "Pascal Monteval wanted me and my father did not want to give me to him. That's why he approached you. You rejected the alliance, and my dad had no choice but to gamble and hope he could lure you successfully."

"Lure me?"

"Yes! I don't know why my dad suddenly became a romantic and had this illusion that you want me. He purposely made my engagement to Harrison public so it would reach you, and you'd do something to stop it. Well, here I am!"

His stare became murderous. Instead of clarifying things for him, it seemed like he wanted to knock everything down even more.

"We're married right now, Czar. This is what would have happened if you accepted the alliance too. If you signed an alliance, you could've taken down the Montevals by now. Pascal is your common enemy."

"We're not crippled, Avaline. We're not some lowly organization that cannot function on our own."

My blood boiled. I've had enough of his ego.

"For fuck's sake, your soldiers are dying, Czar! You have traitors inside your territory! Plus, De Greco, Monteval, and syndicates are joining forces against you! All of which wouldn't have happened if you just wouldn't let your pride make decisions all the time!"

His jaw tightened. If I wasn't his wife, he would've lunged at me for speaking to him like this.

"You ran away when your father told you you're getting married. The only reason why you married me is because I hold something over your head. If I said yes to the alliance, it wouldn't be successful because you would've run away as well."

My throat tightened. I didn't want to examine the reasons behind my decisions and actions, but there was no running away anymore.

I ran away because I knew I wouldn't be happy as a Monteval wife. I could have escaped when Czar offered me marriage too; I can do it if I was determined not to let myself be tied to him. But the thing is, I did not try hard enough.

I'm in love with him. When he didn't show up on my prom night, I was hurt, not because I was annoyed that I didn't have a partner. I was hurt because I wanted him to be there. I spent that night making myself look like a grown-up. I wanted him to see me as a woman, not just the student he pays to do projects for him. I took his absence as a rejection, that I wasn't important enough for him to commit to showing up.

He always told me I was his. But the thing is, he didn't need to stake a claim on me. My heart was his from the beginning.

"Yes, I would have married you."

My lips trembled and my legs shook. It felt like I was exposing myself in front of him.

His expression became unreadable. All emotions left his face. My husband always had an answer for everything, but this time, it seemed he couldn't even comprehend.

"You don't know what you're saying, wife. And you really don't know what's good for you."

I shook my head. "You forget that I'm not a child anymore, Czar. I'm not that naive girl anymore—"

"Apparently not grown enough," he interrupted.

"I can decide for myself!" I replied angrily. "And what? I don't know what's best for me? There's nothing good our world can offer me, Czar. I have to accept that I'm in this criminal life and can never be granted good and normal. The least I can do is find something good in it. And I choose you."

This is when my words sank in with him. He looked startled. He took harsh and heavy breaths as if this conversation had robbed him of air.

"I tried to escape Yekaterinburg because I felt nothing for Pascal. If it were you, I would have rebelled against you a bit, because of the infuriating man you are, but I wouldn't have run."

"Why?"

Whatever pathway my voice passed through closed up. I swallowed hard.

"Why, Avaline?" he rasped when I didn't answer.

My pulse pounded in my ears to the point where I barely heard myself admit it.

"It's you that I want."

The last word barely left my mouth when he claimed my lips. All explanations faded into the background as I succumbed to his spell.

"Jump," he huskily demanded.

His strong arms caught me and wrapped my legs around his torso. He held me at my lower back while the other cradled the back of my head. Slowly, he laid me down on the bed without breaking the kiss.

My husband pressed a silent kiss from my neck down to my collarbone. His hot breath brushed against my sensitive skin, making me shiver. He slid his hand under my dress and began exploring my chest. He swirled his fingers around my nipple but never touched or pinched it directly. My nipple hardened at his ministrations while he kneaded my other breast, making me moan.

My grip on him loosened as he kissed down to my thigh, trailing his nose along my skin.

"So soft," he whispered. "All mine."

Knowing he was so close to my sensitive area but never actually touching it heightened my anticipation even more.

"Czar, please."

Generously, his lips returned to mine. He thrust the bulge of his erection against my wetness and I gasped; he used that moment as an entrance for his tongue in my mouth.

"Look at me."

I opened my eyes and stared at him, letting him see every part of me. Seeing him above me, melting me with the intensity of his desire, created a pool between my legs.

"I want you," I whispered. "I've wanted you since I was fourteen. I've never looked at another."

My father may have let me remain unmarried for a few more years to give me time to find the man I want, but I've never introduced anyone to him because the man I've always loved is in Saint Petersburg—this man who makes me feel like a goddess.

I felt his fingers flicking and playing with something on my gem, causing pleasure to surge through me.

"What are you doing, Czar?" I'm confused yet pleasured at the same time. "Why do I feel like this?"

My hips bucked and he chuckled darkly.

"This, wife, is me playing with your clit." The rhythm of his rubbing sped up and sent me into delirium; I could hear the sound of my wetness with each movement.

This isn't a sin, right? We're married. So I can have these activities with him. Goodness, I can't believe I'm thinking about that right now.

I tried to put a distance between me and his hand when my body started shaking, but he quickly chased it.

"Czar, I can't. It's too much."

"Just let it come, cariño. I'm here," he rasped.

My clit throbbed at my approaching release. He increased his speed even more and I screamed the house down.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, desperate to have something to hold on to.

As I came down from my release, he pressed a series of broken kisses on my lips.

"Mine to hurt, mine to protect, mine to kiss, mine to pleasure, and mine to keep."

Yours, I wanted to reply. But he did not give any direct answer to my confessions. He's still unsure about us. I have enough self-respect. I'll save something for myself.

"You always touch me, but never do the real thing," I breathed. "I didn't know you were a saint."

He arched a brow.

"If you want me to satisfy your needs," he whispered on my skin. "You simply have to beg. No need to goad me."

"I'm not the one who will do the begging," I smirked and pushed him off me. And it seemed he was indulging me because I easily pushed him onto the bed. I went on top of him, our chests against each other, his face an inch below mine.

He placed his hands behind his head. His biceps flexed at the action.

"You can dream," his eyes sparked amusement.

"Eventually, you won't be able to hold back. You're not the giving type. You like to collect."