49. A she wolve's fear

“You are doing okay?”

Netayah sat in the back seat of the Rolls Royce, parked out in front of the palace, she'd yet to climb out when the question had come. Glancing beside her she spied Lucy, she too having failed to get out of the vehicle with their friends, having questions that needed to be asked. “I'm good,” she promised, “you don't need to worry.”

“But I do,” Lucy finally grudgingly admitted, barely allowing the whispered statement out of her parted lips, almost as if she was afraid of speaking the words. “I know it's the last thing you want, but I'm worried about you. You've been through so much. After everything that happened I won't deny that I don't have reservations, you out here with just the two of them and you've cloistered yourself up here. So I can't help worrying, wondering if you're okay.”

Deeply touched by the concern that was plainly evident in her eyes, further proof of how much Lucy had come to care about her in the last weeks. She had come to see that Lucy would be a fantastic mother when she finally had a cub of her own, the kind of mother she'd always hoped to have. Netayah reached for her hand, smiling at her. “You don't need to worry about me Lucy and that is the goddess's honest truth. I'm doing good, the alphas take good care of me.”

“Are you happy?” she persisted.

“Yes,” she answered honestly.

Her head snapped up, “Really?”

“I am,” Netayah again agreed to the statement that she'd made, knowingly only when she had assured her of this would she allow the concern to fade, “This might not be the life that I'd imagined for myself. Hell, I never wanted to be mated to an alpha let alone two of them, but I'm happy here. I'm happy with them.”

For the longest time, the two of them simply sat there in the back of the car, the silence enveloping them, as thoughts swirled around inside of her head. It was clear that Lucy had a lot that she needed to think about, having come to see that the older woman tended to be a bit of a worry wart. Then a look of fierce determination, “If you are happy then how come you haven't mated to them? I mean for someone that claims to be as happy as you wouldn't have allowed things to go on as long as they have, but you haven't even familiarized yourself.”

Netayah slowly bobbed her head in response to her accusations, having known at some point this was something that would be brought up. She knew that people were bound to grow curious about what was going on between them, especially those aware of the mated bond. “It's not because I'm not happy, I'm simply giving the three of us the time to formulate concrete decisions on what we really want out of life. I want them to choose me, not because of the bond made them, but because they truly want to.”

It hit her then.

Lucy sighed, “You're still expecting them to reject you?”

Twisting her head to glance out the window she focused on the rose gardens in the distance, unable to allow her friend to see her expression. Combing fingers through the curls she'd had groomed only hours before, a nervous tick she'd had ever since she'd been a little girl, Netayah sighed. “I need them to be sure.”

“Their not going to reject you,” Lucy was adamant, fully aware of what had really guided her on the choice of direction that she had chosen for them, determined to get her point across, “I'd seen how despondent and anguished the both of them were when we found you in that bathroom, they'd been so afraid of losing you. Whatever is going on between the three of you, it's real and it’s never going away. Prolonging the mate bond is only causing considerable pain that none of you need in your life.”

“Thank you, Lucy.”

Yet, later she sat curled up on the couch in the living room, Netayah couldn't deny that there was some truth to the claims that Lucy had made. She was afraid. Terribly afraid. Even though she'd been moved up to the alpha suit and the both of them had been so gentle, getting to know each other, she was afraid it wouldn't last. Scared that if she allowed herself to get comfortable, believing that this was the real deal between them, then they would decide to reject her. After all, she was a rogue. The enemy. Anyone else in their right mind would have rejected her the moment she'd stepped foot in that office, tossing off their land in the blink of an eye.

Netayah wanted to ensure that neither of them had second guesses about their feelings, that this bond between them was something they truly wanted. Even though everything inside of her warned that wouldn't be the outcome, that both had already made the decision, her fear continued to hold her at bay. Because even though she'd been staying with them the last half week, the alphas having been so loving and gentle, nothing had really changed.

Maybe neither of them was certain quite yet? That could be the reason why they continued to hold themselves back from her, maintaining a respectful distance from her while she was around. Neither had kissed her or mentioned wanting to further their relationship. Hell, she hadn't even been accepted into their pack. How could they be together, if she wasn't a part of their pack? On some level Netayah knew she was being ridiculous, having sensed the emotions welling inside of both of them, she couldn't seem to stop it.

Moaning in despair at the thoughts that swirling around inside of her head, hating the uncertainty that plagued her, she headed to her room for a nap. Only when she climbed into bed she couldn't seem to get comfortable, the entire place felt off and suffocating, feeling foreign among the walls. Then she realized why. Xio's scent, that she thrived on, was almost gone. It seemed that the man hadn't scented the room recently, his previous scent had all but disappeared, not even the shirt contained the smell that was so much a part of him.

Instantly remembering the offer that he'd made to her Netayah stalked out of her apartment and right across the hall she opened the door of his own. Showing no remorse for entering without permission, reminding herself he'd given her free reign to his chambers, she followed his scent to the bedroom. Grabbing one of the larger shirts from the hangers, she hurriedly shed the shirt that she was wearing, changing into the one she'd chosen. In the last moment she tossed her own down on the foot of his bed, having little doubt he'd find it there when he came back to the bedroom. Then she hurried out of the suit before either of them managed to catch her inside, a little embarrassed to admit she'd needed his scent on her.