Chapter 4 — A Strange First Day

The first night with the circus was a strange one to Elsa Ludgate. Little was the sleep that she managed to conciliate, although she would not move much from her new bed. As the train left late at night, it didn't take long for her companions to sleep; and, quite contrary to her, the constant shaking of the floor and walls (and the various things that hung from them) was not a bother. For Elsa, this was most uncomfortable and surely would have saved her from sleeping. Perhaps fortunately for her, the frenzy of the new situation she was getting into deprived her of the intention to sleep, and it made no difference whether she was in a comfortable stable bed or on that hard platform hanging from the wall that shook as if there would be an endless shaking. Sleep seemed impossible at the time. Her mind was saturated with all kinds of thoughts and doubts; and she only managed to appease them by telling herself that she was already there and that there was no going back.

Since her bed was close to one of the windows of the wagon, she contemplated melancholically the passing of forests, hills and fields outside. Above them, the beautiful full moon stood firm in the same point, while all those trees, crops and occasional dwellings passed under it at great speed and without influencing it in the least. How curious it was that in the same image so many things could be in motion at their own pace while another simply stayed there, present in shape, but absent from what was happening. Was that Elsa's situation? An element that was there, but was not an immediate part of what is happening around it? Such a thought was a frequent one in her and created a strange identification with the moon. It didn't bother her to watch it for a few hours, until it disappeared due to the change of direction of the train and then decided to read a while.

Although the lights in the carriage had long since gone out, an illuminated bulb was the least of her worries. From the bag she carried on her torso she took out a small spotlight and with it illuminated her reading while her other hand held the open book against her bent legs. That, she thought, was the only advantage her condition could offer her... the absence of requiring more than a finger and a bulb to get light wherever she went. Then, as she read, she couldn't help but question the kind of story she was getting herself into by having decided to join the circus.

In all those gothic horror books that I read, people always ran away or hated the phenomena or strange creatures that terrorized their environment even if they didn't have bad intentions; and that was the perception that she always felt from people. But now that a group of misfits such as those from a traveling circus showed such admiration, not to mention the strange hope that their particularity would be their salvation, it was difficult for her to understand the type of perception that was had about her. Wouldn't these people think of her as a monster? Or did they think of her as one, but their need made them ignore this? Or it was perhaps only a matter of time before they would fear her? Of course, none of them were in the least aware of what was most puzzling about her – that is, the absence of a heart. That was not a topic she could bring up, much less test, nor did she intend to bring it up for comment at all.

“That would make them fear me for sure”, she thought; and decided that if the interest of her new companions was limited to her lighting up some bulbs with her hands, that's all they had to know about her... although she was still puzzled by such a different reaction that they showed to her particularity unlike any other person who ever saw or suffered.

This was reaffirmed at the moment when hearing a voice exclaim:

─Then it's true! You can light a light bulb with nothing but your hand!

The voice had exclaimed this in a whisper and was not without astonishment. It was Ann Marie, the German redhead trapeze artist who had expressed such comment as she watched Elsa from the opposite bunk, wrapped in a blanket and with a pair of raised eyebrows reaffirming what was expressed in her words.

─Yes… ─Elsa replied, turning to look at her and somewhat reluctant to say more.

─How fascinating! ─Ann Marie was already leaving her bed and moving to Elsa's, making her draw her legs back towards herself and shrugging against the wall─. How do you do it?

Elsa answered her the same as all the people who ever asked her.

─I just do it. I'm not sure why it happens, it just happens.

─Wow ─Ann Marie continued, as fascinated as at the beginning─. Wunderbar. Yes, you will be very welcome in this circus.

─Do you think so?

─Ja ─Ann Marie nodded her head─. We've never seen anything like this – and believe me: we've seen all kinds of things. It is fascinating!

─You wouldn't say the same if you lived with it all the time...

─Have you always been like this then?

─Yes… And in matter of fact, I would recommend that you don't get too close to me. It’s dangerous.

─Oh really? ─Ann Marie looked at her curiously─. If I touched you, what would happen?

She raised her curious hand to Elsa's face, who drew back a few inches.

─Nothing good, I assure you ─Elsa replied.

─Would you electrocute me? Have you electrocuted people? ─Ann Marie lowered her hand.

Elsa shyly nodded her head. A smile spread across the redhead.

─How fascinating! ─she said again.

Elsa gave a stunned laugh.

─No, it isn't ─she reaffirmed ─. It's the worst. It has gotten me into a lot of trouble.

─Really? ─Ann Marie threw another laugh.

─Yes ─Elsa didn't understand the redhead's reaction ─. It's not good at all. I had tried hard to avoid it and had done so until a few days ago...

─When you destroyed the lamp ─the redhead mentioned─. Clothilde told us all about it; and we couldn't believe it, actually, although Barry and Jacub saw it too and confirmed it. But if it's true, then wow, how impressive is that. Don't worry ─she continued now with a more attentive tone─, I can tell that coming with us has you worried and afraid, but I assure you that there is nothing to fear. These people may seem somewhat distant with strangers and some of them may seem somewhat idiotic (and those some are) ─Elsa let out a small laugh─, but they are good people. Good distant and good idiotic, and they won't do anything to you that you can fear...

─I'm not afraid of what they could do, but what could I do ─answered Elsa─. Honestly, I only accepted Clothilde's proposal because I was afraid of getting in trouble if I stayed in town, but I'm worried about provoking some with you...

─Bah ─Ann Marie replied, diminishing the seriousness of the matter─, don't worry about that. We are a circus in decline, we are used to problems ─she smiled, winking and continued─. But if there is something that worries you, tell me and I will help you. Clothilde might be who directs us, but I'm the one who knows how to deal with these guys in the day. So, if anything, tell me.

Elsa smiled with strange tenderness, finding Ann Marie too kind.

─According ─said─. Thank you... Ann Marie, right?

─Ann Marie Schultz, ja ─she reintroduced herself.

─Oh, could you please be shut up? ─Matthieu protested on the bed above Ann Marie's─. Some of us are trying to sleep here...

─Sorry… ─the two girls answered at the same time.

Matthieu turned around and said no more, while Ann Marie and Elsa concluded the conversation and tried to sleep. It was the coldest time of the night and that meant they were somewhere in the early morning, not far from dawn. Elsa tried to sleep, now a little quieter to her surprise after that brief conversation with the redhead friendly. Outside of Clothilde or Barry, she had been the one to show genuine warmth towards her and this made Elsa feel a bit more welcome in this new environment, although she was still insecure of the others. She wrapped herself in her blanket and gave in to the weariness of a long and stressful day.

*****

The next morning Elsa awoke to the slam of some unidentifiable object against the car door. She hadn't felt true rest, and her head weighed heavily, while it took her a moment to remember the new place, she found herself in. For a moment she considered that it had been a dream, but when she found herself covered in that rough green blanket and under another bed, next to some worn wagon walls, she remembered the reality. A vague nostalgia ran through her mind for a few minutes, missing her room, her view of the rooftops of Les Moulins and so on, until the urge to ignore that longing and focus on what was happening pulled her out of bed. Where was she? The train had stopped and her companions were absent. She sat up with a pain in her back (typical of uncomfortable rest) and stretched her arms and neck, then rubbing her face as she walked through the car.

There were smaller metallic noises outside, and the smell of some roast meat and other foods wafted up to her nostrils. Her stomach rumbled. She was hungry.

She arrived at the entrance of the car and before her appeared the scene of a small camp at an early hour in the morning. It shouldn’t be after seven o’clock. The sun rose behind the distant hills in front of her, in a beautiful image with no human construction other than that of a distant lost mill and then that of the train, now at rest after running all night.

─Ah, there she is! ─she heard Clothilde exclaim before she even caught a glimpse of her.

The sunlight was hitting her eyes directly and she was covering herself with one arm, when the patron saint of the circus arrived in front of her, welcoming her with open arms.

─Ah, good morning, Miss Ludgate! ─she greeted her, urging her to go down ─. You slept well? Come, come have breakfast with us.

Although Elsa was reluctant to go downstairs for a moment, being in socks and having set up camp next to an earthy field, she could not prevent the woman from gently pulling her by the arm and escorting her to where the others were sitting, drinking breakfast or finishing getting ready. Farther in front of where there was a now extinguished fire, under which there were some frying pans with fried eggs and ham, some small wooden buckets of water were shown, with which some of them were washed, shaved or combed. This caught the attention of Elsa, who sat on a small, worn stool at Clothilde's instruction.

─And? ─Clothilde asked her again, sitting down next to her─. Did you sleep well?

─Yes ─Elsa lied, actually intimidated by all that environment.

─I know that the beds in the wagons cannot be compared to what a house can offer, but I assure you, you will feel more comfortable once we set up the entire camp. Then you will have a hammock and that is most comforting. Or we could get you something more comfortable in the city. I don't know, nowadays they sell some magnificent portable beds, in which you can also store things. After all, our new main attraction must be comfortable ─she smiled.

─That if she becomes such a thing ─Matthieu replied, finishing shaving his beard and leaving a gallant and fine moustache, and then joining them for breakfast─. One thing is the talent you may have and another is how you present it. Trust me, girl ─he looked at Elsa─, you need to know well how to sell yourself...

─Oh shut up, Matthieu ─Clothilde exclaimed as Ann Marie handed Elsa a cup of coffee and a plate with an egg and three slices of ham─. You're just jealous that you won't be our main attraction anymore...

─Oh no, it's not that ─the young man defended himself.

Elsa could not help feeling interest in the pretext appointed by the presenter.

─Are you? ─she asked─. The main attraction of the circus?

─It's the closest thing we had to one ─Clothilde replied before Matthieu could say the least─. It's a knife thrower, you see; and quite magnificent indeed. He is capable of sticking one knife over another, over a third ten meters away without having to calculate it.

─Really? ─Elsa's fascination with circuses came back to her at the time.

─Well, yes, in matter of fact, yes ─Matthieu hesitated with some humility─. You want to see?

Elsa quickly nodded her head. Matthieu spread an almost childish smile.

─Let me get my knives and I’ll show you! ─he exclaimed and left the site, running.

─He is so conceited... ─Clothilde said.

Elsa gave a little laugh through her nose and took a moment to her breakfast.

─Although what he says is true ─Clothilde continued─. It is important that you think about how your act is going to be… and how you will present yourself. The name is indispensable.

─We all have one ─Ann Marie pointed out.

─Indeed ─Clothilde seconded─. I, for example, am "The Improper", because I am a libertine and I do many things that I should not do or say during the functions (you will see). Good old Barry is "The Clandestine" because the character of his act is the opposite of him, he is a bastard who mistreats other idiots. Matthieu, as you can imagine, is "The Razor Master"; Louis, "The Brute", says and does the most stupid things in his act; Wally, "The Silver One" because, well, he's excessively blond (Swedish); Raoul, "The Ice" and Tilda, "The Flame" – their trapeze act involves a romantic tale of opposites or whatever; and Ann Marie ...

─"The Scarlet Star" ─Ann Marie complemented─. And that name comes because I am a redhead and I wear a beautiful scarlet dress with sequins...

─It's quite a show, you'll see ─added Clothilde, vaguely showing off.

─I imagine it ─Elsa replied.

─Do you have something in mind that you could keep? ─asked Ann Marie.

─I'm not really sure… ─she said thoughtfully.

─"Little light" would be appropriate, right? ─Jacub's voice sounded behind them.

The three women turned to where Jacub appeared, going to pour themselves more coffee. Like his tone of voice, he acted with some arrogance, awaiting Elsa's response.

─I mean, that's what you can do ─he continued, pouring himself the second cup.

Elsa waited a second, contemplating the idea and attitude presented by Jacub.

─No, I don't think I liked it ─she replied, finding the suggestion mocking.

─I was just saying… ─Jacub just shrugged and smiled.

─Don't listen to him ─said Clothilde─. Names are not really his strong…

─That's right, I'm just "The Accordionist" ─Jacub continued─. That's what I do, and that's my name. Pretty practical, don't you think, little light?

─Don't call me that, please ─Elsa asked, still looking at him suspiciously.

─Why not? You don’t like it? ─Jacub maintained the attitude of arrogance.

─No, actually no ─Elsa continued.

─Then what should I call you?

─Elsa… that's my name.

Jacub took a slow gulp of his coffee while grimacing, pressing his lips to the right side of his face, thinking about it.

─Yes, that's the thing ─he continued─. I don’t like it.

─What don't you like? My name? ─Elsa asked, surprised.

─Yes… I mean, what kind of name is “Elsa”? It sounds Germanic, heavy (no offense, Ann Marie). It does not fit for someone of your… charms ─Jacub spread a smile─. You are quite unusual and your name should be something more unusual.

─Well, that's my name and if you don't like it, then too bad ─replied the young woman─. But I'd rather you call me through it than call me otherwise, please.

Jacub paused again and finally concluded by saying:

─Nah, I like “little light”; and I'll keep telling you like this until you have a better idea. Ladies ─he bowed his head and throwing one last look at Elsa, then retiring back to Barry and Wally, with whom he had been chatting earlier.

The three women (and especially Elsa) saw him leave with some oddity.

─I think he likes you ─Ann Marie concluded to that brief encounter.

─What? ─Elsa looked confused.

─I've known him since we were kids and that's the way he acts when he likes a girl ─the redhaired explained─. Arrogant and stupid. Generally, he is the opposite of that and I have never understood why it pretends to be the other way when it is the case, but it is.

─Well, what strange way of showing it ─Elsa said, surprised by the theory and striving to avoid any lighting her cheeks.

The stab in her chest pressed a little more, interrupting her for a moment. She rubbed it, confused, and after turning to another thought, she continued:

─Anyway, I don’t think that matters much ... ─tried to downplay.

Her two companions shared a look and gave a deep laugh.

─Oh, you’re bad, Miss Ludgate! ─Clothilde exclaimed─. I like that…

Elsa, not wanting to delve further into her answer, just laughed back as she raised the coffee cup to her lips and took a drink. To be honest, she had left behind the matters of love a long time ago and preferred to avoid any kind of idea about it... although she did not deny that what the redhead suggested was unexpected. She cast another brief glance at Jacub, then returning her attention entirely to her two companions.

─The truth is that you shouldn't be surprised if you get involved in any such problem here ─Clothilde continued─. I mean, look at yourself. Someone as you sure stir things wherever you go and you should be used to, so ...

─Oh please no ─Elsa couldn't help but say─. No. Those matters make me very uncomfortable. No, no, no… ─her cheeks flushed pale sheen and she shrugged, at a slight strengthening in that sting.

Each time she got more uncomfortable she seemed to push a little more.

Ann Marie and Clothilde laughed again.

─Well, I'd like to tell you to avoid worrying, but the truth is that I don't think it's possible ─Clothilde continued─. Men are usually stupid when it comes to go after women and these are no exception. I mean, they are not dangerous. But I don't doubt that they will start trying to impress you in one way or another (and I can't protect you from that, sorry). But I can recommend that you just ignore them. Sooner or later (although I hope sooner), that will demotivate them and they will stop bothering you and go back bother Tilda or Ann Marie again (more likely to Tilda, since she is more... flexible, if you know what I mean)...

─I heard that ─Tilda warned, reading a book a few feet away from them.

─I'm just saying that they fall more for your charms than for Ann Marie's, that's all!

─Right… That’s two, Clothilde, that’s two… ─Tilda claimed.

─I'll make it up to you, love, don't worry ─Clothilde continued─. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah! The point is, don't worry about the guys. They are harmless. I mean yeah, some of them have a couple of charges before the law, but for minor things.

─Really? ─Elsa was intrigued─. Like what?

─Eh, nothing serious, nothing serious...

─Louis has a charge for public drunkenness and illegal sale of alcohol in Italy ─said Ann Marie.

─A simple mistake… ─Clothilde downplayed it.

─Raoul for infidelity in Madrid...

─In his defense, he did not know that she was married to the Chief of Police...

─And Matthieu stabbed a guy in… where was it? Nice?

─Marseille. But it is poorly explained. Matthieu was just performing his act as a street performer in a plaza and some guy got in by accident and… well…

─Did he kill him? ─Elsa looked puzzled.

─Nah, he just stuck it in the back… Nothing serious, really ─Clothilde continued.

Elsa let a laugh out her nose, finding it funny and oddly comforting that Clothilde played down what might otherwise sound like serious charges. The fact that such people travelled with her created an unexpected calm in her thinking for some reason that this made it less likely that she would get into trouble.

─I see… ─she limited herself to answer.

─Common mistakes, you know ─continued Clothilde─. None malicious.

─Of course not ...

─And therefore, there is no reason to worry that any of them might try anything with you. If anything, just ignore them...

─Or give them a little shock ─Ann Marie joked─. That will make them understand.

─Indeed ─Clothilde seconded.

Elsa gave a minor laugh and shook her head; her tips bounced on her cheeks.

─No, no ─she said with some terror─. I would never do that on purpose ...

Both Ann Marie and Clothilde found a strange tenderness in the way Elsa presented the limits of what she was able or not to do with her touch, even in teasing. Any other girl, they thought, could joke about it and even use it as a pre-threat. But despite Elsa's reluctance to show appreciation for the idea that some of her new colleagues might be interested in her or the obvious distance she sought to form with everyone in general, at no time was she hostile or less respectful towards any of them – and she was even naturally nice when it came to generating some interaction with them. She paid attention and expressed her admiration for Matthieu when he demonstrated his ability to stick a knife over another on a third in a nearby tree when he returned a few minutes later; and in the same way thanked Ann Marie with a small compliment for the breakfast she prepared, although she later revealed that she was not very eager to eat eggs. The only thing that matched her inherent kindness was her effort to contain her quirkiness.

*****

After finishing breakfast, the staff set out to set up the circus camp. They were then on the outskirts of the city of Bordeaux – and that would be the place where they would be making their function for the next few months (or, at least, they hoped). Jacub, Matthieu, Louis, Raoul, and Wally pulled out the posts, beams, ropes, tents, and bleachers that contained the last two carriages of the train, spending the next eight hours assembling what would be their place of work and living as long as they were there, while Ann Marie helped Tilda set up the beds and tables to be occupied during the preparations; and Clothilde helped Barry load the boxes of minor props. Only Giusseppe did not participate in any physical activity, given his age, but he directed the implementation of the tents and supported by checking and making sure that there were no loose knots or weakened by pulling and that the stands were properly positioned.

Elsa, for her part, helped how she could. She set up some of the beds and tied various knots for the tents, as well as helping to carry various prop boxes and other things necessary for the proper installation of the camp.

By the end of the day, various tents had been set up. A greater one that extended almost twenty yards in height for one hundred in diameter (which is where the show would take place); and several other small ones, where the staff would reside and prepare at the time of being about to appear. Otherwise, they would continue to cook and eat around a small fire that they had outdoors, next to the train.

Thus, that first day with the circus had been mostly pleasant for Elsa, although she felt more like a spectator of the environment and not like someone who was part of it. Both Clothilde and Ann Marie had been very kind to her, and she liked the fact that, despite their natural initial interest in her condition, they did not insist on asking her about it and treated her rather like a similar one. This seemed to lessen her anxiety a little about being in a new environment, but she was well aware that, even if the rest of the circus members were like those two women (which was unlikely), she was still far from being in an environment devoid of all kinds of questions regarding her condition or ability. It was just her first day at the circus and she knew that, from one moment to the next, someone else would address her with such concerns.

Returning to the carriage, Elsa prepared to change out of her dusty stockings and the dress she had slept in (when she had enough privacy for this); and she stuck as much as possible to the wall of the wagon next to her bed, preventing her bare legs from being as remotely exposed to anyone passing by – in this case, Tilda, who was occupying the top bed and now descending from it.

Curious about Elsa's physical withdrawal at the time, she asked:

─So you can't touch anyone with any part of you without… you know… electrocute them?

─No ─she said, at the moment crossing her legs under her.

She feared that the incessant shaking of the wagon might bring her into contact with the curious black-haired trapeze artist.

─Wow… ─Tilda exclaimed, raising her eyebrows─. Any part of your body?

─Any part.

─Even you… you know? ─Tilda threw a quick glance at her crotch.

Elsa, briefly lighting her cheeks and lifting her hair, nodded.

─Wow... ─Tilda continued, puzzled and thought─. So how do you… you know?

Her cheeks lit up again, this time a little brighter and she shook her head.

─I don't… that ─she replied.

─Oh fuck! Really!? ─Tilda couldn't help but exclaim.

What until then was a private conversation distracted the attention of the others. Elsa shrugged herself, her hair higher and her cheeks brighter, almost as if she were a human lightbulb herself. Tilda, aware of the reaction of her companions, looked up at them and raised her head in a bravado gesture.

─What? Don't you have business of your own? ─she told them.

─We have them ─Louis replied─. But we were wondering what you were talking about...

Just like Matthieu, Wally and Raoul, he had stopped unloading his luggage and they were looking towards the two women. They had already spied on Elsa a bit as she removed her long stockings (which made her uncomfortable in the absence of privacy), only to stop looking at her when Tilda got off her bed and blocked their view. But now that reaction of her partner distracted them again and without any attempt at discretion.

─Nothing that is of interest to you, Louis, I can tell ─replied Tilda, trying to avoid further questions you or the other party... but causing just the opposite.

─Why are your cheeks lighting up, Miss Ludgate? ─Matthieu asked now, ignoring the trapeze artist and resting his cheek on his closed hand─. Wally says it's your way of blushing. Is it true? Is it your way of blushing?

Elsa nodded with her head.

─I think so, yes ─she said.

─Hmm, how interesting ─continued Louis, suggestive─. I wonder what Tilda said here to make you blush ─his voice was unusually deep when he spoke like that.

─Why don't you tell us a little about yourself, Miss Ludgate? ─asked Raoul now, whose speech had a marked Spanish accent and who, although was as interested in her as his Italian partner, was more friendly and attentive─. I mean, if Giusseppe already accepted you as part of our circus, then the least we could do is… get to know each other a little more, don't you think so? ─he looked at his companions, who agreed.

─Right, as if there was much to learn from you... ─Tilda taunted.

─Oh, Tilda, precious, what is the problem? ─Louis asked─. Are you jealous that this new girl steals you our attention?

─No, on the contrary I would appreciate such a favour ─she mocked with a smile─. But I don't want her to be harassed too much either. Especially knowing you (and even more so, Louis), as I do. Trust me, girl ─looked at Elsa─ all these guys are pure talking and little action...

─Oh really? ─Louis replied, sitting up as he stubbed out his cigar and then walking with heavy and flirtatious steps towards Tilda, pulling the straps of his pants over a sleeveless shirt─. Because I don't remember you saying such things a couple of nights ago...

Tilda, now with her elbow resting on her bed, was looking at him insolently.

─Oh dear, I'm a circus actress ─she replied─. I know how to pretend...

His three companions laughed, while Elsa just stared at the scene in confusion. What kind of relationship did those two have? At one moment Louis was making a pass to her, at the next he was arguing with Tilda, and now he was kissing her without preamble. Nothing suggested that they were a couple, but the fact came naturally to the others present. He was a robust man, whose muscles stood out in his clothes and who had a rather crude, almost primitive appeal, but who somehow managed to appeal to the interest of the trapeze artist, whose fine figure was three to four times smaller than the of man. Elsa would later find out that her peers' interpersonal relationships were complex and atypical to what she was used to seeing in a common social environment. Originally, Tilda L'Strange and Raoul Estrada were a couple who performed their acts on their own and traveling. They travelled from one city to another, putting on their show in small towns where they were swinging between buildings, until Clothilde Vaccaretti hired them, some five years ago. At that time the couple was in a complex situation given the countless love affairs that Raoul had had in countless cities; and since a normal life was not something that applied to them, as soon as they were employed by the Vaccaretti, they agreed to end their relationship and limit themselves to the professional; and while Raoul continued to seduce random girls in different cities, Tilda went on to become informally involved with Louis and other members of the Vaccaretti circus who were no longer part of it. However, Tilda would never express any kind of greater feeling for Louis or any of the others, assuring that she preferred to avoid the discomforts of jealousy or feelings and limit herself to fun.

─How about that, ah? ─Louis asked as he separated from her.

─Eh ─replied Tilda, pretending not convinced─. You had too much coffee, dear. Now go get your things with your friends and leave the women alone, will you? And you too ─looked at the other three─, leave the girl in peace.

─Oh, but come on, Tilda ─Matthieu protested─. We are just curious...

─Yes, she is our new partner and we want to know about her ─Raoul seconded.

─And that gives you reason to bother her? ─Tilda questioned.

─Oh, but we're not bothering her, are we? ─Matthieu looked towards Elsa.

Elsa shrugged. Although questions about her used to make her uncomfortable, she would not lack her inherent warmth, especially considering that perhaps it was better to make certain things clear to her new companions. After all, that was the case with Clothilde and Ann Marie.

─You can ask, it's okay ─she replied.

A long series of questions was thrown at her in the next few minutes, with the four males standing in front of her, curious.

─How do you have that ability? What causes it or what? ─asked Louis.

─I don't know. It used to happen if I was nervous or happy, but now is not absent.

─What would happen if someone touched it? ─Matthieu questioned.

─I'd rather not find out, but I know it could seriously hurt you.

─Since when have you been like this? ─Wally continued.

─Since I can remember.

─Have you hurt someone because of it? ─asked Raoul now.

─Yes… and I prefer not to talk about it, please.

─Is it true what you said to Tilda? ─Matthieu raised─. You can't have sex?

─Were you listening to that? ─Tilda reproached him.

─It's a small wagon and you asked, what to say? ─Matthieu shrugged─. Is it true? You can’t? Have you…? Have you tried it?

─Okay, Matthieu, calm down ─Louis told him─. You are making her uncomfortable. Look at her. She's all lit up... and her hair is raised, is that related too?

─I imagine so ─Raoul replied─. It must be like when you touch a balloon and your hair rises. Static stuff, right?

─I think so ─Elsa shrugged, her cheeks pinned and trying to straighten her hair while waiting for some other awkward question.

A few seconds passed in absolute silence.

─Satisfied now? ─Tilda asked them─. Any more questions?

Elsa wished this was the case. It was not.

─If you light up when you’re nervous, do you glow in the dark? ─Wally continued.

─I'm not sure, I think so...

─What if you were in the water with someone? Would you electrocute that person? ─Raoul questioned.

─I've never been in such a situation, so I don't know...

─Do other parts of your body glow or just your cheeks? ─asked Louis.

─Just the cheeks, I think...

─You are human right? ─Matthieu asked at the end.

Most of these questions were absurd and of unknown answers to Elsa. Later that day, she would find the latter funny. She replied:

─I think so...

It was in the middle of this part of the ridiculous interrogation that Clothilde appeared at the door leading to Giusseppe's carriage and interrupted them.

─What are you doing? ─she asked as soon as she looked at them.

─Oh, nothing, nothing ─Louis said, turning away with others.

─They were interrogating the new one ─Tilda replied.

─Hey! ─the others protested at the same time.

─Oh, what did I tell you!? ─Clothilde reproached them, making her way between them until reaching Elsa's bed─. Leave the poor girl alone! She is here to help us, not to answer your stupid questions!

─It’s okay ─Elsa replied, with a little laugh and beginning to find the situation funnier than tense─. It didn't really bother me.

─Oh, you don't have to defend them ─Clothilde continued─. We all know what kind of people they are...

─And what kind is that, Clothilde? ─Louis asked.

─Annoying, that kind ─Tilda replied.

─Indeed ─Clothilde continued─. Now, Miss Ludgate, would you please come with me? My father wants to speak with you.

Elsa hurriedly put on the new pair of stockings (this distracting the attention of the quartet of men, whom Clothilde looked at warily).

─What? We can't touch her, but no one said anything about not looking ─Matthieu raised.

Clothilde couldn't help but smile back and dropped the subject, with Elsa now arriving at her side, dressed as much as possible. Her cheeks were no longer lit and her hair had returned to its regular hairstyle. In fact, despite some initial discomfort caused by the interrogation, she did not feel so bad after it. On the contrary, it was like having another weight less.

─Gentlemen… ─she excused herself to accompany Clothilde to Giusseppe's wagon.

─Miss Ludgate… ─they responded at the same time and feigning disinterest.

─Clowns ... ─called Clothilde them finally, and left the car.

In Giusseppe's wagon she found the man with Barry and Ann Marie. While Barry was one of the people who were in charge of organizing the events with Clothilde and her father, Ann Marie had simply insisted on being part of the topic they discussed during that time and for which Elsa was summoned. That is, a debate of ideas regarding what her act could be. Giusseppe had spent much of the night thinking about it. He did not mention it or express it too much at the time, but little by little, as he analysed in more detail the characteristics that the peculiarity of Elsa Ludgate implied, different ways of presenting to an audience occurred to him; and with some help from Clothilde, Barry, and Ann Marie, he could now ask Elsa about them.

After asking her how her trip had been so far (and to which she responded with kindness, not wanting to create problems for her new companions), Giusseppe stated:

─Have you thought of any ideas of what kind of act or show to do?

─No, not really ─Elsa replied─. I haven't had much time for that...

"How could I, in the midst of so many interrogations?" she thought.

─Don't worry ─Giusseppe continued─. It’s never easy for new members. But we have been exchanging some ideas; and I think something has occurred to us.

─Really? That fast? ─Elsa looked surprised.

─Yes. When you have been in this business too long, you have to think fast and know how to work with what you have; and even more so if what you have is what could be a gold mine, but which is completely inexperienced to the kind of things we do here ─Giusseppe rested against the back of his chair while saying this, in a tone that combined his total control on the subject and some wisdom that bordered on arrogance─. Naturally, the central point of what is going to be your act must be your ability to generate electricity with your hands... or with any part of your skin. I have thought about it thoroughly all night and all day, commenting on it here with Clothilde and Barry – and Ann Marie too, who has given some good ideas... and we will explore them in the coming days, to see which one is better or with which one you feel more comfortable. That's important, you know. You must be comfortable with your act or it will not turn out well.

─Agreed ─Elsa tried to keep up with his statements.

Like Clothilde, Giusseppe spoke in small and rapid speeches that would serve as an approach to dozens of conversations, but in which he did not allow himself to be interrupted in order to arrive at what was his central idea.

─In a couple of days we will start with shows ─Giusseppe continued─. The idea is that we’ll in Bordeaux for at least two months; and, as Clothilde should have already explained to you, we are in some financial need. Our circus has had problems in recent times; And although our staff is quite capable, nowadays we have to do something that goes beyond what is already known than the usual. Especially if we are talking about the Vaccaretti circus. That name, in another era, implied one of the biggest shows on the continent; and although it is doubtful that that will happen again, at least for some time, it is essential that we do something that again makes us a point of conversation among people – and that is where you come in, naturally.

'As I said, I have thought of endless ideas on how to use your skills… and I suggest that you put them into practice and refine them to put them into action as soon as possible. We cannot start activities without a really strong main attraction that attracts attention from the beginning. So good old Barry and lovely Ann Marie here have set out to help you figure out what to do and how to do it better. I'll help you myself too. Now that Clothilde is in charge, I have something to do, right? ─he lightly joked and continued, serious again─. But what I want to say, Ms. Ludgate, is that we have to find you the type of act and person who you want to show to the public. Clothilde told me that she already explained to you the importance of having a name for your act and person.

─That's right ─Elsa replied─. But I couldn't think of any... or how to introduce myself or that. To be honest, I was hoping you would tell me what you considered best.

─What I consider best is irrelevant to how you can feel in front of an audience ─Giusseppe replied─. I reiterate, it is important to feel comfortable in front of the public...

─I don't really feel comfortable exposing myself to someone…

─You’re in a circus. That is not acceptable. If you want to be here, you have to find a way to feel comfortable showing off your skills and so on. You will have at least thirty people around watching you at all times, especially if our idea is to present it as our main attraction ─said Giusseppe.

The idea was beginning to terrify Elsa. She huddled in her seat, unsure.

─Let me put it another way ─Clothilde intervened, noticing her reaction─. How do you think you would feel more comfortable? Let's not say comfortable as such, but less uncomfortable. For example, would you feel better if you talked to people or if there was only music, while I narrate your exploits?

─I would prefer the latter ─she said─. I would not feel good speaking to the public...

─It's quite acceptable ─Clothilde continued, sharing a look with her companions and then thinking, as she paced behind Giusseppe's seat─. Tell me, are you afraid of heights?

─Hmm, no, not really...

─Then her act could be more theatrical and less interactive ─raised Barry.

─We thought you could be “The Human Firefly” ─Ann Marie now commented─. Mr. Vaccaretti has this idea where the whole stage is in complete darkness and then you are lighting bulbs and things with your hands...

─Just an idea for now ─Giusseppe defended himself─. We still have to think about how to show people that there is no cable...

─That could be ─Elsa said, then hesitantly─. Although I don't know if I'd like to call myself after an insect… But if you think that’s the best, then it’s fine ─she added quickly, not feeling in a position to claim.

─No, no, it’s okay ─Clothilde replied, stopping her wanderings through the car─. We can think of something else... What kind of creature or object do you identify with? Something that goes with its… features?

After thinking about it for two seconds, the answer came almost automatically:

─A jellyfish… They glow and… create electricity when touched ─she said.

Her mind rather considered the absence of the heart, but she would refrain from mentioning this aspect of herself in any way possible.

─I thought it was a type of poison that they produced when touched ─Barry commented.

─But it feels like an electric shock ─Elsa replied─. Or well, that's what they say at least. I've never actually touched one...

"What if I touch a jellyfish?" she asked herself. "Would it be the only being that I wouldn't hurt with my touch?"

Giusseppe's answer came to distract her from her random thoughts.

─The Jellyfish Girl? ─Giusseppe raised─. That could work, yeah...

He shared a look with Clothilde and Barry, analysing it. They agreed.

─I like it ─Clothilde commented─. We could create a mythical story from that, right? Like she came from the depths of the sea looking for love or something… And that she fell in love with one of the other idiots.

─But I couldn't touch anyone ─Elsa warned.

─You don't have to, just stand before him or something...

─I like the idea, yes ─Giusseppe continued─. People always want love stories, right?

─What do you say, Elsa? ─Ann Marie looked at Elsa─. Do you like the idea?

─Yes… it could be, yes ─she replied, somewhat unsure and then distracted by the sudden increase in the stab in her chest. Why would it get stronger at that time? She couldn't understand it and tried to ignore it, just hoping she wasn't close to having another incident.

─Are you okay? ─Giusseppe questioned her next, noticing her discomfort.

─Yes, yes ─she said promptly, rubbing her chest─. So, The Jellyfish Girl?

─If you agree with it ─Clothilde replied.

Elsa nodded her head.

─So be it then ─Clothilde continued─. Elsa Ludgate… The Jellyfish Girl!

After the agreement of this title for Elsa's show, the meeting ended with the task of thinking about what it could consist of, how it would be fixed and other things that Elsa could not fully follow up. In fact, she was becoming more and more uneasy about what she had agreed to by joining the circus. Could she fulfil what they expected from her? Could she bear to show up and display what she considered her worst flaw to dozens or even hundreds of strangers? She didn’t know.

On the other hand, she couldn't complain about her new companions. Out of their natural curiosity at the oddity of her condition, they were rather kind to her; and at dinner time, having downloaded her questions earlier, they treated her as one of their own. This, somehow, encouraged her to strengthen the idea that such a decision was the correct one... and that, perhaps, with the help of that group of people, things could work out.

She would find out this in the next few days, but that first one at least, had turned out to be an unusual and surprisingly pleasant one.