Chapter 21

© S A F I E

CHAPTER 21

ELLE

*dream*

I felt so cold. I look around, not understanding why I feel so wet and cold, as though I am drenched with water. I blink my eyes and my vision adjusted, showing me the view of the vast ocean. The sight of it suddenly made me scared and I cowered. In that instant, a man appeared in front of me and my heartbeat doubled.

Who is this man?

I stared at the man as he struggled with the ropes; His coat was drenched, face ashen as he frowns holding my hand now, which surprises me, "Go to your Mama, Ella!"

"But Papa-"

"Now, go!" He pushes me, making me stumble off the deck and down to where my mother sat on the bed, comforting my brother. I couldn't fight the curiosity I am feeling as I stared at the woman and her child, cowering from under the broken sails of the ship, the wind blowing wildly, "Mama! What's happening?" Thunder rumbled in the distance and I crouch down, hugging my knees so that I am protected. "Mama, what is happening? Why so loud?" My mother did not answer but instead, she pulls me unto her lap and hum on my ears, covering them

The scene shifted and I found myself cold; water lapping on my body as I keep on floating, "Mama, Papa?" I scream, my voice quivering in every repetition, "Lou? Where are you?" My voice echoed but there's no response.

I tried to look around, my heart thudding fast. Why can't I find my mama and papa, and Lou? Where are they?

"Mama, Papa!"

"Get her, get your sister!"

"Papa"

"Ela hold on, grab tight!"

"But I cannot see you! Where are you, papa?" I screamed, my voice breaking as I tried to look around for them. The waves are big and they are crashing against the haul of the ship, my feet are freezing from getting soaked in the water. I raise my hands and frown at my wrinkled fingers, trembling, "Papa!"

The boat suddenly turns and I am submerged in the freezing water, my panic pushing me to fling my arms, trying to keep myself from sinking. I am struggling with the waves as far as my arms could, it is so strong and I am such a little child. I keep on pushing through the darkness but I don't have enough strength. It's too heavy but I manage to push the waves a bit and--

*

"Elle? Oh mygosh--" I stared at the bright light, momentarily blinded. I felt dry and warm, yet I felt lost. Shadows are hovering but I cannot make out their faces. I look at them for a while before my eyes droop again, drifting back to the past.

*dream continuation*

"Ella, hold my shirt!" I stared at my brother as he helps me up, pulling me through the waves and to floating debris of our ship. I couldn't see him clearly, as though he was concealed by the fog that is clouding my vision. I blink once again, forcing myself to recognize him but I couldn't, "Oh, don't cry. Ela hold on, alright? I'm gonna get you out of here, okay? I won't leave you."

The boy tightened his hold on my hand and I felt hopeful. I suddenly forgot what to say to him as he focused his eyes at me, how can they be so blue? I stared, mesmerized, caught in a daze as the waves continue to splash against my body. I can feel the boy pulling me up and I held unto him, scared that I will fall on the water and have no one to take me.

I was about to pull my legs up and swing it on top of the debris when the water turns violent; splashing, nipping at my legs with its liquid fang, why must the water be so cold?

I raise my hand so I can hold unto his shirt but I slipped,

"Ela?!"

"No!" I didn't have the time to register what happened next when I felt the water lapping up at me as I fall, sinking deeper...

*

I gasp, now aware of the feeling of sheets beneath my skin and the warmth that surrounded me, unlike the frigid waters from my memory. I can smell the familiar sterilize stench of the hospital and not the sultry fresh air of the sea.

"I'll take Jacob to my place, tonight," I incline my head, was that Gabriel I am hearing? There's some pause before someone answered him in a hard tone, "Elle won't like it, Gabriel! You need to wa-"

"How should you know? Jacob is my son! As much as possible, I want to be with him." I turn my head again to the side, struggling but my eyes won't open. I fight the urge to fall asleep again as my body felt heavier than before. I turn my head again and force my eyes to open.

"But, Gabe--"

I know why Neo had stopped talking because now I'm 2blinking my eyes at her, however heavy they are. My eyes drifted from her to Gabriel, who stands by my bed, his face dishevelled, his eyes are wide. My eyes lingered on him, and there they stayed, watching him as his mouth fell open. I was about to speak when Neola rushes to my side and leans down to hug me. "Oh, Elle," she whispered before she straightens up, taking a pitcher of water and filling up a glass. "Here, drink this." She handed me the glass and I take it eagerly, realizing how thirsty I have been as drops of water fell on my lap from the trail it had come off my mouth.

I quickly finished. Before I even ask for Neola to stay, she was out the door probably off to tell the doctors that I am awake.

I focused my gaze back to Gabriel who has shifted in his stance, stepping back, thinking that I won't notice him, "You're here," I said, my voice rough. He raises his head so that our eyes meet and I felt weak, wanting nothing but to be held by him.

"Well, yeah. I --" I did not give him the chance to continue as I ask him, "What I heard a while ago... the Jacob you are talking about, is he?" I ask my voice quivering as I await his response. Did I hear correctly, or am I hallucinating?

"He's our son," Gabriel answered, scratching the back of his neck before he walked nearer, his face unreadable. I noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes and his beard - I wonder when is the last time he has shaved? He is in a bad shape and I guess it was because of me. I shake my head at my thoughts, refusing to acknowledge the fact that Gabriel might care for me even for a little bit.

"You named him Jacob?" I asked, cringing at the sound of my voice that came from my dried throat. I reach my hand for the pitcher but Gabriel is quicker than me as he takes it from the bedside table and poured me a glass. I didn't thank him. Gabriel quietly settled a distance from me, his eyes shifted down on the floor, moistening his lips before speaking "I named him Carlos Jacob. Neola was the one who suggested the Jacob part. She told me that you chose the name because of-"

I shake my head at him, not wanting the direction of our conversation is taking. Gabriel has his eyes on the floor as though he isn't talking to me but down on it. I gritted my teeth, "And about you moving him to your place?" I interrupted, glaring at him.

Gabriel gulp, raising his eyes before looking down again as he says, "Jacob will be released from the NICU tonight and I'm hoping that he'll spend his first night outside the hospital...possibly at my place?" I clench my fist on the sheets as I struggle to sit myself up. Gabriel tried to help him but I push his hand away, my lips quivering. I chance a glance at him to see pity in his eyes, making me boil in anger.

Now he cares for me, after all that he has done? NO. I push myself up on the bed, my body shaking of the effort. I tried to adjust the pillow but Gabriel already got it and he assisted me. I huffed as I lean back on the pillow. I can't let him see me like this - vulnerable and weak. I squared my shoulder, trying to hold his gaze but he is so busy looking down again that I bit my lip to stop them from quivering.

"Now you wanted him?" I can feel the tears escaping on the sides of my eye and down to my cheek. I wipe them away, annoyed that I have to show such weakness." You don't trust me enough to believe that he is really yours, you still need to do the test right, just to make sure? Why did you never listen? He's your son all along yet you doubted me." I cried, now letting the tears fall freely because what is the point of wiping them if Gabriel sees through the armour I am trying to shield myself with?

Gabriel takes my hand and I fight the urge to push him away as he looks at me, "I know. I've done a lot more things to make you suffer but I wanted to apologize; I'm sorry for being an asshole, for being an idiot. I have been stupid all along, not caring about your feelings and I am regretting my actions." He whispered, his voice breaking, "Please, let me make it up to you. I will help you raise Jacob. I'll try to be a good father to him and a loving husband to you, only if you let me..." He pleads his voice thick with emotions but I can't let myself be fooled again. It's always been a cycle and I think, we should go our separate ways. I have given him chances and the more I give, the more I lose. I can’t just accept him back like that. I need a reassurance that he won’t hurt me.

We cannot fall to the same patterns, same routines because I know, the ending will be the same, and I'll be left, picking up my personal pieces as I watch him go.

"Get out." I push his hand off of me, gritting my teeth because saying those words hurts me as much as it hurt him, "Please, just go." I take the blanket off of me and slip my feet down on the floor just so I can push him farther and out the door. I stumbled and Gabriel catches me just on time before I fell on the floor. My heart is thudding fast as I push him off of me and lean back on the bed. He tried to assist me but I pull my hands off from him, making me stumble again and lean back on the bed, a resigned expression plastered on my face as I glared at Gabriel who stubbornly stayed next to me, his arms outstretched and prepared when I fall.

I hope, he's been this considerate in the past. Too bad, it's all in the past.

The door opens and Neo came in, she rushes off to my side and assists as I settle back on the bed. Neola turns at her brother and tried to lead him out the door, "Elle, please, give me a chance, please? I was wrong, I know I am. But I regret it. Elle just one more, please!" He looks so sincere that it pinches my heart.

"Gabriel, give her time."

Gabriel looks down at his sister, his face pleading, "But Neola, I - I just want her back."

"Gabriel," Neola held his face and sigh, "It's not easy for her to forgive you just like that. Let her be, for now at least."

"But I want her," He averted his eyes as he whispered, "I want you back."

With all the confidence I could muster, I stared at him and said,

"Not now. I do understand you, but the pain wins more than my ability to consider your point. Give me time, Gabriel, some time to heal." He stared at me first, his mouth opening for a reply as he walks passed Neola and tried to hold my hand. I push him away with all the strength I could muster, turning my head down "I don't think I would want to see you sooner. Go, Gabriel, go and leave now. Give me some time to process my feelings..." Gabriel shakes his head, his eyes gleaming with tears. It hurts me to see him like this but the pain he made me endure is far much greater. He turns on his heel, his shoulders hunched over.

I watch Gabriel as he went out of the door, his once arrogant head now bowed down as he walked out.

I sat on the bed and look at Neo, "Tell me all that I have missed, Neo."

"Oh, Elle...Gabriel has changed. He is not the man he used to be." She sighs, sitting down on my bed. "It might not appear like it but he really wants you back. Haven't you noticed, he cried for fuck's sake! I mean, he never, ever cried in front of me; he didn't even cry that much when our father died. I've never seen him in that broken state before, Elle. Trust me, he loves you to be willing to show you his weakness..."

“Do you really that he did? Neola, you know what he has done to me.” I shake my head at her but Neola held my hand.

"Elle, didn't you hear what he said awhile back? He's willing to risk it for he wants you to be with him."

"You know what? I want him. I love him, I really do. I just needed some time, okay? I just can't give myself to him like that after all I've suffered because of him. I need to protect myself. I need to be strong for my son because I do not know when that man I have loved with all my heart, will turn into a monster again. "

Neola shrugs and we sat there, both processing our thoughts.

“So, would you like to see your son?"

*

GABE

"I know,” I stared down at my bedside table to see the files that have been scattered down on it from last night. "I understand that but please..." I remove my tie and shirt before settling down on my bed, pulling my laptop and settling it next to the papers.

'Gabriel, you do understand that you left her alone with a child that you don't even believe was yours. Do you really think that she'll forget it all just like that?'

"I know and I am willing to do everything to make her want me back, please help me...I beg you, Neo." There's a moment of silence from the other line before I heard a snort and a chuckle. I can almost imagine her as her lips curled up with a half-smile.

'You should hear yourself, Gabriel. Tough luck it is big bruh. Elle will be a very tough cookie for you' I rolled my eyes, "Neola, all I'm asking is a chance!"

'Of course. But really Gabriel, are you serious about that? Because if you are not, you better not pursue her again. Enough is the damage you brought to her heart.'

"Neola, I'm not joking here. I-" I paused, surprised when the other line went dead. "Seriously? Fine, I'll do it myself then," I throw the phone back, phasing down on the carpeted floor. I turn my head and sigh as I saw it.

There on the far side of the room, hang neatly across me, is our wedding picture. I didn't realize that it was there, Elle must have decided to transfer it during those time she misses me. I smiled and made my way towards it, putting my hands in my pocket.

We look so happy together.

I am standing beside her; my rigid form outlined in a white tux as my eyes reflect with indifference and guilt, a forced smile plastered on my face as I look down, my hair brushed to the back, not liking the wat it was styled, while I focus my gaze on her form. She clearly has outdone it, the blushing part, the role on which she clearly performed well, the blushing bride. Her smile was genuine as she looks at me; Longing love and lust visible on her innocent yet broken eyes. I can almost imagine how she blushes because of the way I look at her--Like a predator ready to consume his prey.

I was suddenly pulled out of my trance as I grab the blanket off the bed only to cover the picture yet there is nothing that I can do to conceal the reality; that we are indeed complicated, right from the very start.

I slumped down on the couch yet a thought crosses my mind, making me jump off my skin. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and dialled. "Hello, Joe. I need you to do something," I can sense my lips curling up into a smile as I go over my thoughts "I want you to ask some people to remove Dr. Jackson's license." I can almost imagine Joe nodding at me as I phase, "I trusted him with my life and he gives me the wrong information. F*ck him. He might have been on Victoria's side all this time."

Moving across the room and to my balcony, I leaned my elbows on the brass lining as I listen to Joe, making some calls at the other line, "Done? Okay. Now...I want you to research more about Cherry. She might be Victoria. You would have to interrogate Dr. Jackson. All three of them might be related somehow," The thought itself irked me as I proceed to end the call.

How can Victoria do all that for the sake of love? I guess love's not all good; it can be evil too, considering that it pushes you to do stupid things.

Like what Victoria just did. And what I will do.

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