Chapter 52 Small Steps
Friday Evening - 5:15 PM
Elena stepped out of the Thorne building into the cool air, already mentally planning her bus route.
Then she saw the car.
Alexander's sleek black sedan, parked at the curb. Engine running.
He was leaning against the driver's side, scrolling through his phone.
She slowed, debating whether to pretend she hadn't seen him.
Too late. He looked up, caught her eye.
Pushed off the car and opened the passenger door.
"Need a ride?"
People were streaming past them—lawyers, executives, office workers heading home.
She shouldn't. Too visible. Too risky.
"The bus is fine."
"The bus takes forty minutes. I can get you home in fifteen."
"Alexander—"
"Please. It's just a ride."
She glanced around. Nobody seemed to be paying attention.
And her feet hurt. And the bus would be crowded.
"Fine."
She slid into the passenger seat before she could change her mind.
Alexander closed her door, circled around, got in.
"Seatbelt," he said, starting the engine.
She buckled in.
They pulled into traffic, silent for the first few blocks.
Then: "How was the rest of your day?"
"Fine. Busy. Victoria had three meetings back to back."
"Sounds about right." He navigated around a slow taxi. "Did you call that preschool?"
"Not yet. I'll do it this weekend."
"Want me to come with you? When you visit?"
"To a preschool tour?"
"Why not? I'm his—" He paused. "I should be part of these decisions."
She looked out the window. "You don't have to do everything, Alexander."
"I want to."
"Wanting to and actually doing it long-term are different things."
His hands tightened on the steering wheel. "I'm not going anywhere, Elena."
"You keep saying that."
"Because it's true."
She didn't argue. Too tired. Too uncertain.
They drove in silence for another block.
"We should pick up Leo together," Alexander said.
"What?"
"From Mrs. Chen's. Let me come with you."
"People will see—"
"Mrs. Chen already knows. And Leo—" His voice softened. "He'll be excited."
That was true.
And she was tired of hiding.
"Okay."
Relief crossed his face. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. But just this once."
"We'll see about that."
At Mrs. Chen's building, they climbed the stairs side by side.
Elena knocked.
The door swung open immediately.
"There you—" Mrs. Chen stopped, seeing Alexander. "Well. Both of you."
"Hope that's okay," Alexander said.
"More than okay. Leo's been asking about you all afternoon." She stepped aside. "Come in."
Leo was on the living room floor, dinosaurs arranged in elaborate battle formation.
He looked up.
"Mama! And—" He scrambled to his feet, suddenly shy.
Alexander crouched down. "Hey, buddy."
Leo twisted his hands together. "Hi."
"What are you playing?"
"Dinosaurs. The T-Rex is fighting the—" He stopped, glanced at Elena.
She nodded encouragingly.
"Fighting the velociraptors," Leo finished. "They're really mad at each other."
"Sounds intense. Who's winning?"
"Nobody yet. They're still arguing." Leo picked up the T-Rex. "Did you come to take us home?"
"If that's okay with you."
"In your shiny car?"
"In my shiny car."
Leo's face lit up. "Can I press the buttons?"
"Leo—" Elena started.
"Just a few buttons," Alexander said. "The safe ones."
"Okay!" Leo started gathering his dinosaurs. "Mrs. Chen, we're going home in the shiny car!"
"I heard." She smiled at Elena. "He's been very good today. Only one timeout."
"What was the timeout for?"
"He tried to organize my spice cabinet. By color."
"That's actually pretty logical," Alexander said.
"It would be, if I could ever find anything again." Mrs. Chen handed Elena Leo's bag. "Have a good weekend. And good luck on Saturday."
Elena froze. "Saturday?"
"With the preschool visit? You said you might go this weekend."
"Oh. Right. Yes."
Mrs. Chen's eyes twinkled knowingly.
Leo finished packing his dinosaurs and grabbed Elena's hand. Then, hesitantly, reached for Alexander's.
"Can we go now?"
"Let's go."
Outside, Leo pressed his face against the car window while Alexander unlocked it.
"Still so shiny!"
"I washed it this morning."
"Why?"
"Because—" Alexander glanced at Elena. "Because I wanted it to look nice."
In the car, Leo climbed into his booster seat without being asked.
"I'm getting SO good at buckling."
"I can see that," Alexander said, checking the straps anyway.
The drive to Elena's apartment took ten minutes.
Leo provided running commentary the entire time.
"See that building? That's where Jamie lives. And that store has the good cookies. Not the bad cookies. The GOOD ones. And that park is where I found my stick but Mama made me leave it because we can't keep every stick I find even though I explained they're all different—"
"Leo, breathe," Elena said.
He took a dramatic breath. "Okay. I'm breathing. Can I tell more things?"
"After we get home."
"Fine."
At the apartment, Leo ran ahead.
Elena and Alexander followed more slowly.
"Does he always talk that much?" Alexander asked.
"That was him being quiet."
"Jesus."
"You get used to it."
Inside, Leo dumped his dinosaurs on the living room floor.
"Can we play now?"
Elena checked the time. "After dinner. What do you want?"
"Dinosaur nuggets!"
"We don't have dinosaur nuggets."
"Regular nuggets?"
"I can make spaghetti."
"With the twisty noodles?"
"With the twisty noodles."
"Okay!" He turned to Alexander. "Are you staying for dinner?"
Alexander looked at Elena.
She hesitated, then nodded. "If you want."
"I want."
While Elena started dinner, Alexander and Leo played in the living room.
She could hear them through the doorway.
"This one's the mama T-Rex," Leo was explaining. "And this one is the baby T-Rex."
"Where's the daddy T-Rex?"
A pause.
"I don't have one. Just mama and baby."
"Oh."
Another pause.
"But maybe this triceratops could be the daddy. Even though he's different. Because sometimes families look different, right?"
Elena's throat tightened.
"Right," Alexander said quietly. "Sometimes they do."
"And this daddy is REALLY good at protecting the baby from volcanoes."
"That's an important skill."
"The most important."
Elena stirred the pasta, blinking back tears.
When dinner was ready, they sat at the small table.
Leo swung his legs, twirling noodles on his fork.
"Mama, can Al—can—" He stopped, frustrated.
"Can what, baby?"
"Can..." He looked at Alexander. "What should I call you?"
Alexander set down his fork. "What do you want to call me?"
"Mrs. Chen says you're my daddy. But that feels weird to say."
"That's okay. It's new."
"But Alexander is long. And I keep wanting to say Daddy but then I feel shy."
"How about this," Alexander said. "You call me whatever feels right. If that's Alexander, that's fine. If it's Daddy, that's fine too. Or something in between."
Leo thought about this. "What's in between?"
"Some kids say Dad. Or Papa. Or make up their own name."
"I could make up a name?"
"If you want."
Leo's eyes lit up. "Like Dinosaur Dad!"
Elena choked on her water.
"Or maybe just Dad," Alexander said, fighting a smile.
"Dad," Leo tested. "Daaaaaad. Dad dad dad."
"What do you think?"
"I like it. It's short. But also..." He paused, suddenly serious. "Is it okay if sometimes I still say Alexander? When I forget?"
"Of course."
"And when I'm ready, I can say Daddy?"
"Whenever you're ready."
"Okay." Leo took another bite of pasta. "Dad, did you know that some dinosaurs had feathers?"
Alexander's eyes met Elena's across the table.
She saw the emotion there. The wonder.
"I did know that," he said, voice rough. "Tell me more."
Leo launched into an explanation about feathered dinosaurs while they finished eating.
After dinner, Elena started clearing plates.
Alexander stood to help.
"You don't have to—"
"I want to."
They washed dishes side by side. Leo played in the living room, making his dinosaurs talk to each other in different voices.
"He's adjusting," Alexander said quietly. "To the idea of me."
"Slowly."
"That's okay. We have time."
Elena handed him a plate to dry. "Do we?"
"Yes." He said it with certainty. "We do."
She wanted to believe him.
"Thank you," she said instead. "For being patient with him. For letting him figure this out."
"He's my son. I'll wait as long as he needs."
The words settled between them, warm and solid.
In the living room, Leo yawned hugely.
"Is it bedtime?" he called.
"Almost," Elena said.
"Can Dad read me a story?"
Alexander looked at Elena.
She nodded.
Thirty minutes later, Leo was in pajamas, teeth brushed, tucked into bed with Ellyphant.
Alexander sat on one side, Elena on the other.
"Which book tonight?" Alexander asked.
"The bear one. With the button."
He read it, doing voices, making Leo giggle.
When he finished, Leo yawned again.
"One more?"
"Not tonight, baby," Elena said. "It's late."
"Fine." He settled deeper into his pillow. "Dad?"
"Yeah, buddy?"
"Are you coming back tomorrow?"
"If that's okay with your mama."
Leo looked at Elena hopefully.
She sighed. "Yes, he can come back tomorrow."
"Good." Leo's eyes were already closing. "I like when you're both here."
"Me too," Alexander whispered.
Within minutes, Leo was asleep.
They sat there for a moment, watching him breathe.
Then, carefully, they stood and slipped from the room.
In the living room, Alexander grabbed his jacket.
"I should go. Let you rest."
"Okay."
At the door, he paused. "Tomorrow. Can I take you both somewhere? Maybe lunch? Or the park?"
"Alexander—"
"I know you're scared. I know you don't trust this yet. But please. Let me keep showing up. Let me prove I'm not going anywhere."
She studied his face. The hope there. The determination.
"Lunch," she said finally. "Somewhere quiet. Where Leo can run around."
"I know just the place."
"Okay."
He smiled, relief flooding his features. "Okay."
He kissed her forehead, gentle and lingering.
"Goodnight, Elena."
"Goodnight."
After he left, she locked the door and leaned against it.
Tomorrow, lunch.
Sunday, dinner with his family.
Next week, who knew what.
One day at a time.
One small step forward.
Even if she was terrified.
Even if she was sure this would end badly.
She'd keep trying.
For Leo, who'd called him Dad with such tentative hope.
For Alexander, who kept showing up even when she pushed him away.
For herself, who maybe—just maybe—
Deserved something good for once.
Even if it scared her.
Or it might not last.
She'd take it.
For now.
That would have to be enough.