Chapter 11

Does it hurt? No, that's a word too small to describe the feeling that unimaginably burns in my chest. Every single one of his words found their way into my mind and they haven't wanted to leave since.

Knowing that he can't even let go of one thing that I have left behind for my son, hurts, it hurts as much or even more than my father's rejection.

I didn't plan it, I didn't want it, and obviously he didn't either, but it hurts to know that it will practically be a secret in his father's life. Damn it! I left everything in New York so that my son would have a father, and he comes up with that.

Yes! That's it! A mistake...!

Those are the words that linger the most in my mind and burn in my chest. I didn't mean to refer to my son as a mistake. The mistake was what happened between us, not the baby. He is not to blame for how foolish Johnny and I were.

But that's how he sees it. As a mistake...

I'm in my new room, a few minutes away from Johnny picking me up to go to the appointment with the doctor he mentioned a while ago.

I haven't been able to stop crying, no matter how much I've wanted to. Everything has accumulated; the pregnancy, my father's rejection, leaving home and my city. The loneliness that embraces me in Los Angeles, and to top it all off, Johnny Smith's words.

I hear the doorbell and get up from the bed, wiping my face with my hands before using a small towel to dry myself completely. I try to pull myself together as best as I can, and when I succeed, I leave the room, walking through the silent and desolate hallways that leave an emptiness in my chest as I remember that the ones back home were filled with children's laughter and running footsteps.

I descend the stairs when I reach them, and the living room on the lower floor welcomes me.

"It was a good idea to buy the furnished house, so I can fully focus on my new project."

The doorbell brings me back to reality again, and I hurry to the door to open it and find the face of the man who almost spat on me a while ago.

"Are you ready?" he asks while typing on his phone. I nod seriously and leave the house, closing the door behind me.

We both start walking side by side towards the car parked in front, which I assume is his. It's not the same truck as a few hours ago; this one is a black Audi.

He opens the passenger door for me, and I get in without giving him a single glance. He closes it when I'm fully inside and approaches to circle the car, getting in the driver's seat and starting the car. In silence, we make our way, and the tension is so palpable that it could be cut with a knife if we wanted to.

"Hey, Laura, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." he starts talking, but I interrupt him with a click of my tongue.

"It's okay, Johnny. You don't have to regret saying what you felt. Everyone is entitled to their feelings..." I say, hypocritically smiling and without looking at him.

Yes, what he said hurts, but that's irrelevant to him, and I no longer want to continue the all-out war between us... After all, we have to get along.

"Seriously, I'm sorry," he repeats, and he doesn't speak again until we stop at a very large clinic. "We've arrived," he murmurs, getting out and heading towards my door, so I hurry to get out before he reaches it.

We both enter the place, and he stops at the reception desk where a woman is attending behind a marble desk.

"Good afternoon, how can I help you?" the woman asks with a smile.

"We have an appointment with Dr. Johnson," Jhonny responds. "Under the name of Johnny Smith."

The woman starts searching on a computer.

"Johnny Smith. Yes, here it is. Dr. Johnson is waiting for you on the third floor, maternity ward, room fifteen," she quickly indicates.

Jhonny's hand takes hold of my wrist, and like a whip, my heart races, spreading the sensation throughout my body. His gaze meets mine, and he swallows before lowering his eyes to the grip that he releases to indicate the way to the elevator.

Without exerting any physical, visual, or verbal contact, we board the cabin that takes us to our destination.

Upon reaching the third floor, we search for the maternity ward and eventually room fifteen. The secretary receives us, announces our arrival, and then with a friendly smile, allows us to enter the interior of the office.

"Jhonny! It's good to see you. You've been missing lately," she greets them very effusively while hugging him.

"Hello, Claudia. I've been somewhat busy," Jhonny excuses himself, stepping away from the doctor's embrace, who quickly shifts her attention to me. "This is Laura," he adds, and the doctor extends a smiling hand to me, murmuring a "pleasure to meet you."

"Alright, let's proceed to see how that little one has been doing," she alludes. "Come, Laura, lie down here," she says, patting a bed.

The consultation begins. She asks for information, which I provide, and she records it in her file. She explains some things to me while Jhonny remains completely silent. When it's time to get on the bed, my heart races and the saliva in my throat dries up.

I don't open my mouth again and simply comply with everything the doctor asks of me. The cold gel on my bare stomach tingles every hair on my skin, intensifying the strange sensation that I try to conceal by staring fixedly at the screen where something should appear.

My nerves have blossomed, and my heart increases its pace when the doctor starts moving the probe across my skin. Johnny is standing next to the doctor, eagerly staring at the screens where until now we've seen nothing at all.

"Here it is, looks," the doctor says, pointing to an exact spot on the screen that I can barely make out.

It's my baby.

I can do nothing but laugh with joy and hold back tears in my eyes. Unconsciously, I seek Johnny's gaze, and I can't discern his expression because he only looks fixedly at the screen. And when I convince myself that he won't do anything more than that, a tiny smile appears on his lips.

"He's in perfect condition," the doctor's voice makes me quickly shift my gaze from Johnny to her. "I'll prescribe some vitamins for you to start taking from today. Here," she hands me a tissue to wipe off the gel, and then she goes to her desk.

Johnny follows her, and she starts writing on a sheet of paper, which she then stamps and hands to Johnny, who receives the paper and evaluates it with his gaze.

"You have to come back next month," she says without losing her smile.

"Remember, Claudia, you can't say anything about this," Johnny clarifies as we were about to leave the office.

"Don't worry, Johnny, I won't say anything even if I wanted to. You know... clinic policies." Johnny laughs and nods before taking my hand, this time without letting go or looking back.

He simply makes his way through the crowd to walk where we came from.