CHAPTER 18
I nod slowly, trying to gather my thoughts, but the weight of his words hangs heavily in the air. I feel a flicker of warmth at the mention of Kieran’s name, and suddenly, the room feels charged. Kieran. His presence still lingers in my mind, his conversation and touch from last night weaving a quiet comfort through my thoughts. It’s strange, this shift in how I feel, as if something has awakened in me. Something that I didn’t know I needed, but now, it feels like the only thing that makes sense.
I shake my head, trying to focus on Evan’s words. “What is it that you need me to know, Evan?” I ask, my voice sounding steadier than I feel.
He takes a step closer, and I instinctively take a small step back, a space between us that feels necessary, despite the tension.
“I don’t know what’s happening between us, Marga,” Evan says softly, his gaze searching mine, “but I need to be honest with you. I’m not who I was when we first met. Things have changed, and I’ve changed.”
A lump forms in my throat, but I swallow it down. He’s not telling me anything I didn’t already feel—the shift, the quiet desperation in him that I didn’t fully understand. But what I can’t quite put into words is the discomfort I feel now that Leo’s warning is ringing in my head. Is Evan truly different, or has the mask he wore simply shifted into something new?
Before I can respond, the sound of my phone ringing pierces through the air, sharp and unwelcome. My heart skips a beat when I glance at the screen.
It’s Kieran.
I hesitate, staring at the name for a moment, and then, with a deep breath, I swipe to answer.
“Hey,” I say, trying to keep my voice composed. I’m not sure what I expect from Kieran, but hearing his voice, so familiar and comforting, feels like an anchor in a sea of uncertainty.
“Hey, Marga,” Kieran’s voice crackles through, warm and a little rough around the edges. “I was thinking we could grab dinner tonight. Just us. I think we should talk.”
The invitation hangs in the air, and I feel something inside me stir. Talking with Kieran feels like it could offer clarity, some peace I haven’t found in ages. But the conversation with Evan is still here, pressing, unresolved.
“I don’t know, Kieran…” I trail off, glancing at Evan, who watches me carefully, his expression unreadable.
“Yeah, I understand,” Kieran replies quickly, as if he knows exactly what I’m feeling. “But just think about it. We don’t have to talk about anything heavy, just…” He hesitates. “Just us, okay?”
I close my eyes for a moment, the weight of the choice pressing down on me. I want to see Kieran. I want to feel the calm, the easy companionship that has always been between us. But I also want to understand where I stand with Evan, to figure out if there’s something real here or if it’s just more of the same confusion.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally say, my voice quiet. “I’ll let you know later.”
“Alright,” Kieran replies, his voice soft, understanding. “Take care of yourself, Marga.”
I hang up, the silence between Evan and me growing heavier. The air is thick with unspoken words. I feel torn, pulled in two different directions. On one side, there’s Kieran, who has always been steady, safe, someone who’s never made me question my place in his life. On the other side, there’s Evan, who stirs something deeper in me, something unfamiliar, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to confront it yet.
Evan clears his throat, his gaze still locked on mine. “I know that’s Kieran,” he says, his voice slightly distant. “And I know you’re close with him, but Marga…” He pauses, and there’s something vulnerable in his eyes that I haven’t seen before. “I need to know where we stand. I need to know if there’s a chance for us, or if I’m just wasting my time.”
I feel my heart tighten in my chest. This isn’t something I expected to hear. I thought we were both still figuring things out. But hearing Evan voice his uncertainty like this, it makes it real.
“I’m not sure what you want from me, Evan,” I say, my voice low, but steady. “I don’t know what’s happening between us, either. But it’s not as simple as deciding right now.”
Evan’s shoulders slump slightly, and I see the frustration building in him, but also something else. A kind of relief, as if my answer, though uncertain, is better than silence. “I get it,” he says softly. “I just needed to hear you say it.”
I nod, though I’m not sure what to say next. The conversation between us feels like it’s in limbo, hanging on the edge of something that could either grow or break.
There’s a soft knock on the door, and I glance at it, surprised. “Who else is here?” I murmur, walking toward it and opening it before I can second-guess myself.
When I see who it is, I freeze.
Kieran stands in the hallway, a knowing look in his eyes, and my heart skips a beat.
He’s here, just like that.
“You were supposed to think about it,” Kieran says with a smirk, but his voice is soft, teasing. He’s not angry, just… patient. As if he knows exactly what I need right now.
I turn back to Evan, and for a moment, I feel an odd sense of guilt. This moment, the quiet tension between Evan and me, is shattered by Kieran’s presence, and I feel exposed. Evan stands motionless behind me, his expression unreadable, but there’s a shift in the air, an undeniable tension.
“I guess I didn’t have to think about it too long,” I say, my voice quieter now.
Kieran raises an eyebrow, and without another word, steps past me into the apartment, offering a glance at Evan as he does. It’s a subtle move, but it feels loaded with meaning. A challenge, almost. Kieran’s presence adds another layer to everything I’ve been feeling.
Evan takes a slow breath and looks at me, his expression softening. “I didn’t expect this.”
I feel torn between the two of them, the weight of my emotions pressing in from every side. “I don’t know what I want anymore,” I admit quietly.
Kieran steps closer, his eyes never leaving mine, and for the first time, I feel like I’m being seen in a way that has nothing to do with expectations, nothing to do with the chaos of the world outside.
“I think you’ll figure it out,” Kieran says, his voice reassuring. “Just take your time, Marga. You deserve that.”
I don’t know where this will all lead, but in this moment, I know one thing for certain: I’m not alone in the uncertainty. I’m surrounded by the choices I have yet to make, but at least for now, I’m not facing them alone.