Chapter 44 Love isn't for you
"You are talking back to your mum because of her?" She wasn't ready to let things slide. "Do you know who you are talking to?"
I could feel the headache coming. Rubbing my temple, I choose my words carefully. I had no desire to argue with her, it just wasn't in any plan of mine.
"I had a long day in the office today. If you don't mind, I'm going to rest." I got up from the armchair and turned my back to her, praying she wouldn't say anything else. I just wasn't in the mood to quibble with her. Had I ever been?
Conversations with my mum always took a toll on me. Which was why I wanted to escape as fast as I could, to prevent the argument from escalating.
"What of Lilith?"
I stopped in my steps at her question. I didn't expect to see one from my mum, at least not about Lilith.
"We broke up," I announced. Lying didn't seem like the right step to take. She would get to hear sooner or later. Letting her know of it sooner was the right thing to do.
"You split????" Her voice echoed behind me, displeased, and furious. "Why? Because of that bitch??"
"She has a damned name!" Yelling, I whirled around to face her. "Her name is fucking Nova! Use it whenever you want to speak of her. She's not a bitch, neither is she a slut."
I was getting fed up with the way she spoke about Nova like she wasn't qualified to be named.
"Oh." She folded her arms, her eyes taking a hard edge as she narrowed them at me. "You are now speaking back to your mum? For what? Her?"
"Nova has nothing to do with this." Pinching the bridge of my nose, I realized a frustrated sigh. Who would have thought my mum would arrive to jeopardize my plans of resting a bit because of everything that happened?
"Why did you break up with Lilith?" She demanded, again.
"We had to. There was no affection there." Actually, I saw this coming five years ago but tried to deny it. It was a month after Nova disappeared when my anger abated, and I finally thought about it. It was then that I realized how empty I felt without my wife, the same one I took for granted.
Her absence reminded me of what Mama Kaka told me years ago when she saw how badly I treated Nova. She always spoke of me regretting my actions, and how I wasn't appreciative of the gifts the heaven bestowed on me.
Back then, I laughed her words off, not realizing she was speaking from the wisdom of her age. It wasn't until Nova left that I felt the hollow she created in my heart. "Feelings? What do you know about affections?"
"I recognize a ton more about that word than you do." I took a step towards her. "You married my father for his money, didn't it? You don't even like him, and I know he feels the same, yet you tolerate each other, right?"
"Of course." She didn't deny it. It wasn't necessary. Anyone with discerning eyes could tell there was no love there. Outsiders always marvelled at their partnership and how they had been together for 35 years, not realizing how strained their relationship was behind closed doors.
It affected me. Having spent more time with my bitter mum than my dad, I ended up taking the brunt of her anger.
No one knows this, but my mum always moaned about her fate. Giving up her career for my dad was the hardest thing she ever did, something she had always regretted.
"There's no need for affection. As long as your partnership benefits both parties, it's a win-win," she continued, taking a step towards me as her heels clicked on the marble floor. "There's no love in this world, Dashiell. That's a fairytale, something authors use to deceive their readers. This is the realistic world and not fantasy."
"For you."
"What?"
"Love isn't for you, but that doesn't mean it isn't for me," I explained, keeping my gaze locked with hers. "What didn't work for you might work for others." With those words said, I turned my back to her and walked towards my stairs, ignoring her calls.
"Dashiell!"
"Return home. I have nothing else to speak to you about. I have already made my decisions, and I hope you will respect my wishes." As I turned the corner to my room, I hoped she heard those words and did as asked, not like I expected her to do that. My mum had always been a hard nut to crack, which was why I repeatedly ignored or avoided her.
She stayed in my house until late in the evening before she left. I didn't relax on the bed until I heard her car driving off. Only then did I give in to the lures of a blissful sleep, knowing I had numerous things to do, come Monday.
Lilith almost blew my phone off with her calls. She called 50 times and sent over 30 SMS, ones I haven't opened yet. I still didn't think it was time to meet her. Not when she was like this. I needed her to calm down, enough for her to listen when I spoke with her, which was why I avoided her calls.
Like I planned on Saturday, I didn't visit Nova on Sunday. I patiently waited until Monday to meet with her, only to get an email from my secretary. Nova wasn't coming in to work today. She had a planned meeting with the design department, one that was held in a gallery, whatever the hell they would be doing.
With my mood dampened as if soaked in a bleach solution, I took a walk to calm my mind, and that was how I found myself standing in front of the school I saw Nova with the kids. At the sight, all thoughts came to mind. Visiting the children didn't sound that bad.