Chapter 32 More lies
DASHIELL
"Can we not use condoms tonight?" Lilith requested, looking up at me with a pout. She wrapped her hands around my neck, to bring me closer for a kiss, but I averted my face, so she could only place it on my cheek, narrowly missing my lips.
"What's wrong?" She frowned, sitting back on the bed. "You have been behaving oddly for days now. Did I do something bad?" She folded her arms, looking at me like a petulant child.
"Not at all." Smiling, I reached towards her. "It's just...." I trailed off, struggling to come up with an excuse that wouldn't make her raise a brow. "I have been preoccupied with work. There are things I need to sort out," I lied through my teeth, knowing she wouldn't realize I wasn't telling the truth.
She frowned, not uttering a word, just looking at me like she was trying to figure me out. Sighing after a few seconds of staring at me, she placed her head on my chest. "You can tell me whatever you need to get off your chest. I promise to lend a listening ear."
Your head first. I wanted to tell her that, but I didn't, knowing she would only feel bad. Instead of saying that, I smiled at her. "I will surely tell you about it when it gets cumbersome for me." "Promise?"
"Hmm." I removed a strand of hair from her face. Her black eyes sparkled as she peered up at me with a smile. Not for the first time, I imagined her eyes as grey, and her hair silkier, sun-kissed and easy to run my fingers through.
"So..." She lay her right palm on my chest. "Let's do it without protection tonight. I want to feel you as you make love to me," she requested, unbuttoning my shirt. "We haven't done it raw for years now.
"You know I can't do that." I placed my palm over hers, peering down at her with a smile to ease the confusion on her face. "We can't afford to be lax," I explained, hoping she would understand. "Careless?" She removed her hand from my chest and climbed down from the bed. "What do you mean by being negligent?"
"We can't have you getting pregnant," I stressed.
"Why? Didn't you promise me forever?" She demanded, placing both hands on her waist, as a dark scowl crept up her face. Her stance and expression showed she wasn't going to back down until she had gotten what she wanted, something I wasn't willing to give. "Why do I sense that you are playing with me? You always have excuses to give each time. Just like now."
"You know that's not true." I got up from the bed and approached her, taking her into my arms to console her. "I'm only doing this for you, Lilith. You are a woman."
"And? For how long, Dashiell? How long will you keep using the 'you are a woman' phrase on me? I have fucking gotten tired of it!"
"Lils," I muttered, fed up with the argument. When I asked to visit her house tonight, I intended to have a good rest before leaving for mine since my mummy came for a visit. I wanted to avoid her as much as I could. However, it didn't seem like I was getting the much-needed rest in Lilith's house. Who would have thought I would end up trying to appease her? "Just give me some time. I will sort everything out. I promise."
"Why do I have this feeling that you changed because of her?" Her scowl got darker.
"Who?"
"Nova." She disengaged from my embrace and returned to the bed. Sitting on it, she peered up at me. "Don't you love me any more? Are you doing this because Nova is back, and you want her? Was all these years with you a joke? You only stayed with me because you couldn't get her?"
"You know that's not true." I reached towards her and removed the stray strands of hair from her face. "I just... I'm looking out for you. I hope you will understand."
"Understand? What the hell do you need me to understand, Dashiell?" She got up from the bed, her eyes brimming with rage as she narrowed them at me. Her hair covered half part of her face, but she wasn't concerned about that.
"I... I still love you, Lils. You know that, right? You can tell I do." I reached for her, but she stepped back, avoiding my embrace.
"I feel like you are a different person, Dashiell. Ever since she returned, you have been acting distant." She lowered her head, her tone going down with her actions. "You've changed."
"No, I haven't!" I argued, hugging her. "I'm still your Dash, Lils. I'm still the man you fell in love with, the one that promised you a ring." A promise I know I wouldn't be able to fulfil. Back when I gave her the vow, I meant every word. But now, I don't.
She scoffed, folding her arms. "You can't get me with those lies anymore, Dashiell."
"Lils -"
"Marry me then. If you are serious about this. About us, then take me to the altar. Don't just promise me a ring, give me one."
"You know I can't do that. At least not until I have gotten Nova to sign the divorce papers." Something I never intended to do. The last thing I wished to do was to give Nova the papers to sign. She's mine. I have no interest in letting go. Not now. And certainly not ever. I will make sure she knows who she belongs to. ME.
"What are you waiting for? Give her the damned papers to sign. I bet she will be more than willing to do that."