Chapter 91: Distant hearts
I woke up to the soft ping of my phone on the bedside table and the comforting weight of Caspian's arm slung over me around the waist. The dawn was creeping in around the curtains, casting silver light into the room. I stretched automatically to reach for the phone, blinking against the glow of his good-morning message:
"Good morning, love. I'll be by to pick you up tonight. I've got something special planned." This was Caspian’s way of being a extra romantic, sending me scheduled texts.
My lips curved into a weak smile, though my heart felt somehow weighed down. I replied:
"Sleep very well, Cass. See you later."
I put the phone under the giant pillow and rolled over to grin at him. His black hair was tousled, and thin bristles on his chin threw shadows across his smooth cheekbones. He rolled over and half-opened one eye to offer me a sloppy smile.
"Morning," he groggily said, his voice thick with sleep.
"Morning," I whispered, running my fingers over his lips.
He sat back, looking at me with that piercing gaze that always left me wondering if he was actually able to see through me. Today, though, I caught a flash of something else—doubt? Concern?—and my conscience twisted with guilt.
I quickly got dressed and rushed to catch up with Caspian in the kitchen, where he was brewing coffee to go along with our breakfast. Steam drifted from the pot's lid, its aroma sugaring the air. He put my mug into my hands, his eyes in my face.
"Did you sleep?"
"Pretty well I guess," I lied, setting a tight smile on my lips. "How about you Cass?"
He nodded, but his eyes did not agree. We ate our breakfast in silence and it felt like there was an unseen force between the two of us. Caspian did not say anything to me, but I could feel his eyes on me with each forkful of food that I chewed.
As I packed my things to leave for work,I grazed his cheek with a kiss. "Have a good day," I told him.
"Same to you," he said, his voice low and throaty. He wrapped his fingers around mine a little harder. "Call if you have to or whenever you have a free time."
I nodded, then turned and exited, taking my churning guilt into the elevator.
Later that afternoon at my bookstore, my desk at the gallery was a whirlwind of calls and emails, mainly because I haven’t been here in months and I had neglected most of my work, but I couldn't focus. I couldn't get past Caspian's message—I have something special for you tonight, don’t be late please. Love you.—even as I prepared for a new sculpture installation. The problem was that the excitement felt like it was muted, as though it was coated in a thin layer of doubt that was trying to be hidden.
Another ping from my phone:
"Missing you badly. See you soon. Can’t wait" —Cas
I allowed a tiny smile to make its way into my lips, but not in my eyes. I typed out reflexively:
"See you later."
My assistant in the bookstore, hovered nearby. "Lily, are you okay?"
I quickly snapped back to the present. "Yes, just… a lot on my mind."
She watched me, her shiny eyes tinged with concern. "You've been weirding out recently. You two okay?"
I chuckled nervously. "We're fine. Just busy with everything going on."
Choosing not to confess the truth—which was that I had been slowly driving Caspian away from for no visible reason—I turned to head back to the installation, and perhaps concentrating on art would drive the growing dread that kept on haunting me.
The late-afternoon city traffic inched along as I headed home to the villa. Caspian's messages continued to flood in:
"Hope your meeting went well."
"Can't stop thinking about tonight."
"Wear whatever you feel like wearing —your smile is all I need. It’s enough for me"
His devotion was clear to see , but his earnest intensity just increased my suspicion and dread. I gave monosyllabic responses, then I put my phone away while still thinking about the whole thing. I drove silently, eyes on the road, replaying the night.
And as I drifted into the villa’s driveway, the villa sparkled like a diamond in it’s purest form. The sharp lamplight spilled warmly from windows and scents of music wafted from open doors. I hesitated, my heart thudding. It seemed like magic—exactly what Caspian would have orchestrated.
I stepped out of the car, smoothing my dress—a gorgeous yet modest dark-green silk that Caspian usually loved whenever I wore it. I clicked my heels against the asphalt as I walked to the door. I took a deep breath, attempting to compose the bow of worry that was knotted up inside me.
Within, the dining room had been redecorated. Candles illuminated the length of the table, shadows in crystal glasses. Each place setting held a red rose. Soft jazz CD music came from unseen speakers. I felt a flash of tears in my eyes as I marveled at the beauty of the setting—and at the knowledge that this evening I couldn't fully meet his gaze due to the constant battles within me.
Caspian came out of the kitchen, his shoulders straining under a black suit. His eyes lit up on seeing me—and then clouded with a question I could hardly answer.
I smiled demurely. "It's lovely," I said, taking a step closer.
He filled the gap, his arms crushing about me. "You do like it? Are you really sure about that?" His voice contained a hint of relief.
I nodded, holding him back—but not from the heart.
He released me and took my hands, looking into my eyes. "Are you okay ?"
I swallowed hard, attempting to infuse warmth. " It’s terrific. Thank you ." I said with suspicion in my heart as I wondered what all this was about.