Chapter 117: The whisper in the crowd
The ballroom pulsed around me in waves of color and sound. Gold light shimmered across masks and velvet gowns, laughter bubbled like champagne, and violins wept in the distance. But none of it reached me—not really.
Not after what I had seen.
Not after that glimpse.
That presence.
Nathaniel.
I trailed back alongside Caspian as we navigated the dazzling maze of unfamiliar faces. Any face that wore a mask could be his. Vision was playing a risk with every look. I resented that I didn't understand. I resented the mystery he enveloped me in silk.
I should have left. I should have heeded Caspian.
But I did not do so.
I was too stubborn. Too intense. Too proud. Or maybe just too afraid to spend the rest of my life glancing over my shoulder.
Then it occurred.
A body collided against mine from behind. A breathed whisper caressed the edge of my ear—soft, close, unmistakably recognizable:
"You look beautiful tonight."
The world came to a halt. My stomach fell. Ice ran down my spine.
I whirled around, racing heart thudding against my ribcage.
But the crowd closed over him. Masks alone. Dancing shadows alone.
He was lost.
Or perhaps he never lived at all—a fleshly creation of obsession's breath.
Caspian felt the shift in me. He always did. "Lily?" he said, moving forward.
My voice broke. "He talked to me."
He froze. "Who?"
"Nathaniel. He was right behind me. I could feel him."
Caspian's face set, his hand wrapping around mine. "That's it. We're going. Now."
I didn't resist.
His fingers closed around mine in a firm grip and he pulled me through the sea of people. With every step toward the door, it was more difficult than the previous one, as if the air surrounding us was thickening. I couldn't help feeling like someone was eyeing me—him eyeing me.
But we had not yet reached the door.
Caspian whirled rapidly into a darkened corridor off the ballroom. He pushed me into the cover of an alcove behind two pillars which rose like monoliths to the ceiling. His breathing was ragged, his fingers digging into my arms as if he were attempting to reassure himself that I existed.
"That son of a bitch," he snarled. "He came close enough to touch you. I swear with e everything in my life, if he ever harms you, I will do unspeakable things to him; things that are too gruesome to be put into mere words."
"He didn't Cas," I told him hastily, trying to placate him. "He didn't touch me."
But that voice, his voice, stuck in my head. As if he was stuck behind my ribs, reminding my heartbeat to shut up. It kept on haunting me and I couldn’t keep it out.
Caspian's eyes pierced mine over his mask. "Why did you attend tonight, Lily? Was it worth this?"
My throat tightened. "I thought if I saw him. if I spoke to him. I could finally stop being afraid."
"And now?"
I had wanted to lie. To tell him I was fine. That I wasn't afraid.
But I couldn't. Not with him.
"I'm afraid," I whispered. "But not of Nathaniel."
He furrowed his brow. "Then what?"
"Of losing this. Of losing you to the darkness."
His expression softened—only for a moment—but it stung my chest. He ran his thumb across my cheekbone, gently. "You haven't lost me. We have had this discussion before Lily. I can and will never let you go. You need not worry about that sort of thing because I am here to stay. Be rest assured."
His lips brushed against mine, slow and firm, and I unraveled into him as if I'd been clinging all night just to remember that safe was meant to feel like this. His kiss wasn't a stealing or a sloppy one—it was a promise, low and urgent.
We were but voices away from being pulled apart from each other toward the hallway. He pushed his forehead against mine. "Let's go."
I nodded.
As we emerged into the cold night, there was odd relief—until I looked up.
There, on a balcony above the window arches of the ballroom, stood a figure in black with a mask across his face. Immobilized. Staring.
I could feel him even from a distance.
He raised his hand.
A silent salute.
Not to us.
To himself. To the oath he thought he had sworn.
Caspian didn't see him. But I did. And I stood still for a moment. I could not breathe properly because it felt like something was blocking my air passage.
Because that wasn't a threat, this was something else. Something more cunning and dangerous. It made me feel really uneasy and it felt way too real. Too real to be ignored anymore.
It was almost like a game, a dangerous one at that.
And he had just called the next round.
It was a guessing game of who was going to take the next move. He was a cunning person, I knew that for sure. But I had a feeling that I could get into his head and counter everything he does because this is someone I knew really well, someone I cohabited it for a long time.
This made me have faith in myself that I would be able to overcome his shenanigans. What he had was special but I was surprised he would go this far to get me back.
I wondered how Caspian would be able to cope with this mess that I had created. I didn’t want to lose him to the darkness, I didn’t want him to get hurt because I initiated contact with an old part of my life. I had to find a way to speak with Nathaniel and settle things because this was too far and it was getting out of hands. There had to be a way for the both of us to settle things amicably and go our separate way permanently without hiccups.