CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE: EMPTINESS.

MEREDITH:

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, and weeks into a month. After that night, in which I refused to let Brandon drop me off at Miles's place, it has just been me and my tears. I had Brandon drop me off at an affordable hotel for the night. The last thing I needed was to be anywhere near Miles or his establishment, which would have constantly reminded me of him. After much quarreling, Brandon agreed and left me behind.

I stayed two nights in the hotel, not going anywhere or doing anything. I didn't eat for those two days. I just wanted to give up, but I had to stay and fight for Christian. I managed to wake my weak self up, and what did I do throughout each day? Stare at the ceiling and cry. After two days, I called Brandon to bring over my stuff. I made sure I pointed out specifically the things that belonged to me. I left behind all that Miles got for me. Everything; the car, clothes, jewelry, shoes, and the rest. I wanted nothing to do with him.

Thereafter, I tendered my resignation through my email. When doing that, I had hope or a hint of it that he would reach out for us to talk. Nothing. Dead silence. And so, it has been all this time. I didn't look for another job. I just wanted to get my sanity back first.

I moved out of the hotel to a small apartment I got in downtown California. I paid upfront and moved my things into it. I enrolled in a gym close to my apartment. I was losing my sanity, but the gym and working muscles helped keep a part of it. My appetite was gone, so my weight dropped further. For some reason which I didn't wish to know, Alan kept reaching out to me using all means; emails, my phone, and even mentioning me in an interview. Asshole. I would have changed everything about me, I mean my email and phone number, but I held on a little longer until Christian's case was over. Who knows? Someone might want to connect to me through my old details, and unfortunately, I changed them because of a worthless person like Alan. Not happening.

As for my lingering feelings for Miles, they were quashed completely when I saw him on the blogs kissing Louis. They even made a public announcement that they were back together. Really? Barely a month after our separation? Way to go.

The focus was on me, even though I missed the friends I had made while with Miles. Sarah and the girls, Brandon and the guys, and Zara and her family. I cut off everyone. I didn't know what they thought of me. If they saw me as a gold digger or whatever Miles was making me out to be. Zara reached out a few times, but I lacked the words to express myself to her. I was ashamed of lying to her about the beginning of my relationship with her. I just ignored everyone and everything. Completely shut off the world except for Rahul, of course.

This breezy evening, walking back to my little apartment from the gym, let me correct that. Sprinting back from the gym. I don't know if I was being obnoxious, or it was the effect of always having someone follow me around; either Miles's guards or the paparazzi, but, I always felt like I was being watched all the time. I even double-checked by making wrong turns, checking mirrors, and abruptly turning around. Each time, no one was there. Maybe I was going crazy. Or the person following me was good at their job.

On my doorstep, I saw a bouquet of sunflowers wrapped in black. It was Miles's signature style, except his was usually with roses. But it came without a card, similar to the others I have been receiving for the past two weeks. Moreover, even though my heart longed to hear his hoarse voice and see his model smile, I wasn't about to initiate communication when he said all those horrible things to me. He hurt me so much, so if anyone were to reach out, it was meant to be him. If he was fine without me, I needed to be without him. If he was the one sending this, which I doubt, because he would never go mysterious with his gifts, he loved announcing himself, then he had better up his game by coming to face me.

With this one, I did exactly what I did with the last thirteen. Throwing them into the trash can or giving them away to either the kids in my neighborhood or the old people around. Tonight, no one was around to give it, so I tossed it into the trash.

“There goes number fourteen,” I said, noticing the underlying pain in my voice. My sight caught a G-Wagon, which I noticed took a specific parking space each evening. Whenever I went out in the morning, it was gone, but towards evening until the early hours of the morning, it stayed there. Maybe one of the neighbors, I guess, since I didn't know most except my old neighbor on my right, Mrs. Veracruz is also nicknamed the old cat lady by the kids, and Lilibet, a social media influencer on the left. I have only seen them on three occasions, one when we had a brief introduction. The second, when I went to take out my trash, and the last, the days I gave both of them the bizarre bouquet, all were on different days.

The plan was to move to another city once Christian's case was resolved. I had hoped that it would be. I was tired of all these men and their drama. I was tired of relationships and their headaches. There was no love in me to give out again. Or, to be honest, my heart was still with Miles.

Exhaling, I reached into the pocket of my hoodie, which was dampened by all the sweating caused by walking home from the gym and the excessive sweat working out caused too. I hadn't showered there, with hopes of doing so when I got home. This place wasn't much, but it was a temporary place to rest my head until I moved to a new state or country, or continent entirely.

Nevertheless, I got the key out, sliding it into the keyhole when I heard that dreadful voice. The last one I wanted to hear in the universe. “You are determined to keep throwing those flowers away, no matter how many times I send them,” Alan's deep voice resounded through the calm air of the night.