Chapter 22 After
The morning was quiet, not in a way that asked something of you, or made you restless, just the kind that came after noise, and so many people, after a night that had much warmth in it.
Everyone was gone.
The maids had cleared off everything and now it doesn't look like anything happened here yesterday.
Dr. Lane had a surgery to prepare for this morning, and I'm pretty sure she's gone already, Chloe didn't sleep over.
Now it was just us.
Me, and him.
He was in my arms, although he wasn't sleeping, he wasn't really awake. He just rested in my arms, like a newborn would.
I looked at him for a long time, and unconsciously, a tear slid down my face, the way those tears have been forcing themselves down my face each time I see him.
There was a name I'd been carrying around for weeks, maybe longer than weeks, from the moment I realized I was going to be having a baby.
I'd never said the name out loud, not even to Chloe. Saying it out loud meant I was making a decision, and I wasn't sure I was ready to make the decision.
Plus, names are permanent, and permanent was something time has made me afraid of.
But the room was quiet, and there was nobody here to witness it, would that count as anything?
I mean… if the name felt too permanent, then it'd be easier to change it since it's just the baby that knows it.
“Liam.” I mumbled quietly, testing the way the words sounded, trying to be sure whether I really wanted to go with the name.
He made a small sound.
“Liam.” I said again, and this time it settled, and sounded perfect.
I exhaled.
Liam Whitmore, that's what's going to be on his birth certificate, nothing else. I wasn't going to sit here and let myself think about the other name.
Certainly not the one that came from a man who handed me divorce papers in bed.
Except that…
I was already thinking about it.
That was probably because, looking at the small perfect person I had grown entirely by myself, I couldn't help but notice the semblance.
They had the same jaw, the same shape of brow, the resemblance was in fact not the kind that you had to look twice, Liam was the exact replica of Ethan.
Honestly, I didn't know how that felt.
I looked at the ceiling instead, taking one breath after the other, then I looked back at my baby.
It didn't matter, it wasn't going to.
The face he wore was nothing beyond biology, biology wasn't character, or choice, neither did it decide what a person would become.
I have five years of evidence to prove that a man could have every advantage and still choose wrong, still be blinded by lame desires.
“Liam, you're not going to be anything like that, you're going to be whatever I raise you to be.” I mumbled, loud enough for him to hear, although the words were too complex for him to understand.
I pressed my lips to his forehead, and he scrunched his face.
“Come on kiddo” I chuckled. “What's more adorable than a forehead kiss from your mother?”
My phone dinged a notification, and unlocking it, I sighted a message from Chloe.
‘Okay so, I know you're probably sleep deprived, and emotional, and all of that. But I need you to know that your baby has THE most dramatic face I've ever seen on a new born. Yesterday he stared at me for the first time, like he was already judging my life choices.’
I stared at the screen for a second, then despite everything, a laugh escaped my lips.
Not a dignified one, just an actual laugh , quiet enough not to wake him, but real.
"It's 6am, close” I texted back.
She viewed it immediately, and responded. ‘Exactly the perfect time to note my observation “
I put my phone down, the smile not leaving my face.
She honestly never ceased to amaze me, a thought crossed my mind, and I picked my phone again.
I'd wanted to tell Chloe that he had a name, but then again I held back, for reasons that were too difficult to explain.
“When the time is right, I'd let her know, or she would find out.” I mumbled dropping the phone.
At the same moment, a weird thought crossed my mind.
‘Call mother, let her know you're now a mother as well.’
I shook my head immediately. There wasn't any reason for it, not a logical one at that. She had made it clear, in fact they all had.
The day I stood in the living room with my suitcases and they looked at me like I was something he was embarrassed to have produced, while Vivian smirked from across the room.
But it was six in the morning, and I had just named my son, yet there was a part of me, stupid and apparently committed to its own suffering, that wanted to tell her.
I picked up the phone, opened the contacts, and then her contact was staring at me.
If she takes the call now, what would I say to her, when she already made her stand crystal clear.
I put the phone down, there's no way I'm calling her, or trying to force her into my life or that of my baby.
Liam made a sound against my chest, as if he could read my thoughts, or the mother daughter link connected our minds.
His sound came in handy, could there have been a more perfect time?
“I know right,” I chuckled. “She would have been a really terrible grandmother anyway, and you don't want to know how much of a terrible grandfather you'd have had.”
A chuckle left my lips, then I sighed, staring intently at him.
"Liam Whitmore." I called quietly.
He didn't react, not even a slight reaction.
"That's your name." I continued. "You're going to do something with it."
Once again, I placed my lips on his forehead, and shut my eyes…