Chapter 182 I ALSO DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Chapter 182 I ALSO DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
NOAH'S POV

His gaze sharpens as he looks at me in suspicion. He also was interested in my mother's reaction to knowing she had a stepson.

“My mother, Lily Emily West, already knew,” I continued with a sad smile. “She told me not to say anything.”

His expression flickers with doubt.

“She said it wasn’t worth it,” I added quietly. “That exposing it would only destroy more than it would fix.”

I remember that conversation like it was yesterday.

The way she looked tired and resigned at me.

“She told me to let it go.”

Davis exhales shakily, running a hand over his face as he slumps back on his chair.

“And you listened to her?” he asks.

“Yes, I had to.”

The answer is simple and honest because I did.
If it is going to destroy as much as I knew, then it's better it stays buried.

“Why?” he presses, his voice sounding almost desperate now.

I hold his gaze for a second before replying.
“Because I didn’t think it changed anything.”

That hits harder than anything else I’ve said and I see it in the way his shoulders tense.

His jaw tightens at that so I continue anyway.

“It didn’t change who you were to me,” I continued. “And it didn’t change who I was.”

“That’s bullshit!” he snaps immediately.

“No,” I shake my head slowly .“It’s not.”

I lean forward slightly, sounding serious and looking at him directly.

“Did you really think I made you my right hand in the corporation because of mere friendship alone?”

He freezes and goes completely still as the question hangs in the air.

“I gave you power that comes with proximity to me,” I continue. “Position, access and influence as compensation for Adam's fuckup compared to what other families do to their bastards.”

I tilt my head slightly.

“Do you think I do that for just anyone?”

He says nothing but his eyes are frantically searching mine.

He's desperate for something to hold onto or to contradict me.

“I did it because I knew,” I say finally.

The words land regardless of the outcome so I continue,

“I knew who you were,” I add. “And I didn’t want you to feel… lesser.”

His breath catches into a hiccup.

“I didn’t want you to feel like you were standing in my shadow,” I continued. “Especially because of something you didn’t choose to be.”

The silence is practically deafening and thick.
The officer beside us has his eyes wide open in shock.
This was probably a story that shocked the life out of him.

“I thought you knew that I knew,” I admit quietly. “You never said anything. So I just assumed…”

I trail off because what I assumed doesn’t matter anymore, at least not now.

“I thought we just… understood each other.”

Davis’s composure finally cracks.
It’s subtle and barely noticeable but I've known him for two decades, I see it.

The way his shoulders slump, the way his gaze drops to the floor and the way his hands tremble slightly at his sides.

“You…” he starts, but his voice falters as he swallows harshly.

“You knew…” he repeats quieter this time.

“Yes.”

“And you still–”

“Yes.”

The answer comes before he can finish because I already know the question he wants to ask.

And I’ve already answered it even before he can ask it.

He laughs again but this time it breaks halfway through it as it turns into something closer to a choke and sob.

“I thought…” he murmurs as he's shaking his head slowly. “I thought you took everything from me.”

I don’t respond at all and let him talk because this part?
He needs to say it and acknowledge it.

“I thought you had everything that I didn’t,” he continues with his voice hollow now. “The name, the recognition and the life.”

His hands curl into fists.

“And I thought you didn’t even know I existed.”

That one–

That one almost stings me but I brush it off as I look up quickly to prevent the tear from falling.

“But you knew,” he says again as he's looking up at me with something like disbelief. “All this time… you knew.”

“Yes.”

“And you gave me everything anyway?”

“I gave you what I thought you deserved, Davis.”

Another long pause from him until he exhales shakily.

I see it and just like that, the fight, anger and the rage drains out of him completely.

His shoulders drop as his posture collapses slightly.

He stops holding himself up as he sinks back into the chair like the weight of everything just hit him all at once.

“I…” he starts, then stops to run a hand over his face.

“I don’t even know what to say.”

For the first time since this conversation started, he looked… lost.

The defensiveness and anger is all gone and now he's just looking blankly at me.

“I did it,” he says suddenly as his voice goes low with shame. “Everything.”

A confession from him.

“I leaked the information months ago about your episode,” he continues. “I issued the orders. I… I tried to take control from you.”

I nod slowly like I already knew and was expecting it though it came as a shock to me now but I say nothing of it to him.

“I know.”

“I thought if I could bring you down…” he laughs weakly. “Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so small anymore.”

There's no response from me until he finally speaks.

“I was wrong.”

His voice cracks on the last word.

And this time, he doesn’t try to hide it as a tear slips down his face.

Then another.

“I was so sure you were the problem,” he murmurs. “That you were the reason I felt like this.”

He looks up at me again with his eyes now red and glassy with tears.

“But you weren’t.”

No.

I wasn’t.

“I don’t know what to do now,” he admits quietly.

And that?
That’s the most honest thing he’s said all night to me.

I studied him for a long time but this time not as my friend, secretary or my subordinate.
But as what he is and what he's always been.

My brother.

Then I lean back slightly exhaling at the whole thing now as Davis is watching me closely and waiting with apprehension.

I don't even know what to say now after everything.

“What happens to me now?” he asks finally.

The heavy and important question hangs between us but I don't answer him immediately.

Because the truth is that I don't know anymore.

It was Davis' fault for thinking like this and acting in that way but it was also my fault that I never acknowledged him or told him that I knew of his existence.

So instead of answering him, I merely look at him with a calm and measured look like I'm still thinking.

“I’m thinking about it Davis, I'm thinking.”