Chapter 44: Mixed Feelings

I was sitting in the room of my house, drawing some flowers that were kept in front of me. I had rediscovered my passion for drawing just a few minutes ago and I could not stop using those pencils in every way possible. I remembered being so engrossed with all the color pallets and dozens of pencils with a simple sheet of paper when I was little and it was so nostalgic to do it all over again.

“God, I have to take Drew to school today!” I kept down my tools as I rushed out of the room. Andrew was almost done with his breakfast and was already ready to leave.

“We will see what to do about the school,” I said to him as I took a seat beside him. “I will try not to change it but you know that the school you are going to right now is very expensive. I am not sure if I can afford it. But mommy will try her best, okay?”

He nodded slowly with a sly smile. The smile somehow reminded me of Xavier. I could ask him for help regarding his school fees — but then again, wouldn’t I be involving myself in the same cycle all over again?

I would ask Max for help. Of course, he would help me. I would pay him back by earning it all, but right now I would take him help. I shouldn’t forget he is a billionaire too.

I sighed. The words Xavier said to me earlier hadn’t left my mind for even a few minutes. When I was finally leaving, why did he have to say all that? Why now?

“I am ready, mom!” I heard Andrew and I smiled at him.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

…

“Bye!” I shouted from a distance and Drew looked back with a huge smile on his face as he said the same to me back and went inside the school premises.

I sighed and started to walk out when suddenly I saw a tall figure standing some feet from me. When I took a better view at the man, my eyes widened and my lips curled up into a natural smile.

Max!

I ran towards him — not ran, but took fast steps. He had a small smile on his face too. He looked relieved. As soon as I reached him, I embraced him in a big hug.

“I missed you Max!” I said in an excited tone. “I am so sorry about what happened. I should have never left. I swear everything that had happened in the past days… I never wanted it. I love you and only you.”

“I know,” he whispered in my ear and slowly got away. “And I am glad because you know that I can’t afford losing you.”

“I can’t either.”

“Let’s go home.”

I smiled and nodded. “But, I—I wanted to stay at my apartment for a while because Drew, he, had been going around houses for so long and—”

“It is okay. All you’ve gotta ask is for me to move in.”

I smiled. “Of course! Will you move in with me, Max!?”

“Gladly.”

He embraced me in a small hug and then kissed my forehead. “we should go now.”

I nodded and took the trip back home in his car. I couldn’t believe that he was ready to leave his luxurious home to move into the small apartment of mine — just so he could be with me.

Every single time I take out time and think about this, I realise from the farthest point that Max was the best person I could ever be with and Xavier could never give me what he could, but why did my heart not believe the same?

Why was my heart being the stupidest… organ to exist?

That was weird to think.

“Huh,” I exhaled and sat comfortably in the passenger seat.

He looked at me and smiled. “Anything wrong?”

“N—No, I am just… tired. I—I don’t really have any strength even after sleeping all night yesterday.”

“because you are emotionally exhausted. It is okay, you will be fine now. Let’s not stress you anymore, okay? Just let me know whatever is bothering you.”

I nodded. “It goes both ways. I know these past days couldn’t have been easy on you either.”

“Well I have kept myself busy,” He said slowly, “And I have planned some things which would help us. I would ensure that no problems as such arise in the future.”

“What do you mean?” I looked at him with a worried expression. He seemed to talk as if he was making sure Xavier would never hurt me— or us again, and for someone like him, there was only one way.

“Well that shouldn’t worry you, Scarlet. I told you that because I want you to know that you’re safe,” He looked at me and his eyes comforted me. “Not for you to worry about anything.”

“Yeah,” I said and looked out of the window.

I felt something weird with his words but didn’t ask further because I knew that it was probably me. I had been so confused and so weird lately, I was sure that he was completely normal.

“About Drew,” He said after a few minutes, “I heard he took admission to Riverdale Country School?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. I felt weird and wrong asking him for financial help since I had just gotten back to him. What if he thought of me as a gold digger? He could think of me as that. I was acting like that lately.

“It is kind of expensive,” He looked at me and the road simultaneously, “I don’t mean to… sound wrong, but I don’t think that it is the best choice considering the financial limitations.”

“I know,” I said immediately. “I was thinking of pulling him out. I am sure Angel Star School will take—”

“What? No!” He cut me in between. “I am suggesting that I will pay for his fees. I just wanted to tell you that too, just so you don’t worry about that either.”

I looked at him and sighed. “You don’t have to. I will do—”

“I love you and I love Andrew. He calls me dad and I can’t even pay for his school fees?”

I exhaled loudly. “You can but I just got back and—”

“How does that matter? I know you didn’t, for even a second, liked being away. I know that you were kidnapped by that son of a bitch and I know that you wanted to get back to me. Hell, you even confessed your feelings to me. It is all that matters to me. And you hate him, right?”

I looked at Max conflicted. I couldn’t answer immediately, and even after thinking for a moment and figuring out the correct answer, I couldn’t get myself to say it.

“Hate is a strong word,” I said, “So I would just say that let’s not waste time hating him.”

He nodded and looked back at the road. I wondered what went through his mind. Did he understand my words, or did he think of that as an excuse for me not accepting my hate towards him?

____________________________________

We stopped in front of my apartment. I looked at him as he flashed a smile. “Come on.”

I took out the house keys and handed them over to Max as I followed him. I wanted to give him the chance to open the door himself — to make him feel as if it was his own home. I had read somewhere that it helps.

“I never realised how beautiful your house is,” He said as he entered the living room.

I chuckled and closed the door. “Maybe because you have never been here.”

“Never?” He looked at me.

“Not that I remember!”

He smiled. “Well, it is amazing and now that you’ve asked me to move in, I can say it is our beautiful house.”

I smiled back at him. “And I am back to your beautiful words, aren’t I?”

“Yes and this time, for forever.”

He pulled me closer and I looked into his eyes. I had missed him too. It was good being close to him — but it wasn’t quite the same as Xavier.

I know, I know it sounds insane. But I couldn’t help these thoughts because they weren’t exactly thoughts — they were feelings.

He came closer and his breath fanned over my face. “Can I kiss you?”

It was weird getting asked before something as convenient as a kiss. I smiled and nodded, not knowing what else to say.

He joined our lips slowly and I kissed him back. I kept on kissing him as he did too, till he started kissing my neck and earlobe. When he bit on the nape of my neck, I couldn’t help but moan: “Xavier!”