114: Feelings

114: Feelings
Alma

Beverly's eyes fixed on me, waiting for me to answer. Sitting before her I felt a little transparent like she could see through me. My fingers clutched the cup of coffee tightly as the question echoed in my mind. Did Alice's presence bother me? Of course it did. Much more than I wanted it to, and I hated that.

Answering the question wasn't the problem, it was easy but confessing how insecure Alice had made me feel out loud was a whole different thing. It felt like a sort of defeat or like I was admitting that I thought she was better than me.

Was she?

I gripped the cup tightly. No, she wasn't.

I just hated how she was always everywhere, enforcing herself into everything like teaching Velma how to dance and now she was sticking by Carl. It was annoying, and I hated it, but I also couldn't say that to Beverly or rather I didn't want to. I didn't want to sound like a bitter ex-girlfriend or a possessive one.

The cup tilted in my hand a little and I felt a slight sting as the hot coffee trickled down my hand, and I dropped the cup on the table. It was nothing compared to the pain in my chest that I had been carrying all morning because of Alice. I swear I wish she never came into our lives. I know that we helped her, and that she needed someone but I was also starting to wish I never met her.

Beverly passed me a towel, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry," I mumbled.

"Alma," she muttered, and I met her gaze, "Talk to me. You haven't answered my question. Does Alice's presence bother you?"

"No, it doesn't," I lied, and Beverly gave me a look. It was obvious I was lying. I mean I just came in here to ramble about Carl and her being together at the club last night and then I say her presence doesn't bother me.

Who was I trying to fool? Obviously not Beverly. She knew me too well. "Let's try that again, Alma?" She adjusted in her seat, and her eyes softened, "Does Alice's presence bother you?"

I sighed and chuckled a little, "You sound like a therapist. Maybe you should have been one instead—"

"Alma," she cut in, "Don't change the subject, love. Talk to me. Tell me what's going on."

My back met the back of my seat, and I nodded, "Yes, it does, a little..." I paused for a bit, "Or maybe a lot," I admitted, sitting up, "It's just," I raised my shoulders, "It fucking annoys me you know. Carl didn't explain why he's at that fucking suite and then last night I found out that they were together at a club. How is that supposed to make me feel?" I questioned, raking a hand through my hair.

"I know it's weird and stuff but come on, it's Carl. He loves you. I don't think he'd do anything to hurt you, and Velma like that," Beverly said in his defence, and I know what she means.

I wanted to believe the same too, but everytime I think about the fact that Carl had already hurt me once before I don't know what to think. "I want to believe that, Beverly. I really do. I just—"

I snapped my eyes shut, "I don't know anymore."

Beverly switched seats, sitting next to me, "I know that you're uncomfortable, and I get it."

I don't think she did. She was trying to, I know but I don't think she could ever really understand what I was feeling right now. I felt like I was losing Carl, and it fucking hurts.

"At times like this, you just gotta trust your partner," she said.

I doubt she knew how much of a motivational speaker she sounded like right now. Trust? I thought. There was a time I would have said I trusted Carl. I did. I do. I wanted to but Alice makes me so threatened. I knew Beverly didn't see it the way I did but I had a feeling that Alice had her eyes on Carl or maybe it was just my insecurity but the feeling was there.

"I should go home. It's getting late," I got to my feet, and Beverly walked me to my car, "I'll see you later," I said, and hugged her, waving her goodbye as I climbed into my car.

"Bye," she waved as I cranked the engine, heading home.

My phone rang a couple of times but I ignored it. I had a feeling it was Carl, and I was still not in the mood to talk to him yet. As I pulled into the driveway, I spotted Carl's car outside, and my heart skipped a beat.

"Oh no,'' I whispered under my breath, and a mix of anxiety and unease washed over me. I wasn't expecting him to be here. I didn't want him to be here. I didn't want to see him.  Not yet. Not now! But he was here.

My heart twisted in my chest, and I considered reversing, and driving away but where would I go. This was my house, and I wasn't going to let Carl's presence drive me out of my own house. I killed the engine, preparing myself as I grabbed my phone and purse, climbing out of the car.

The second I stepped out of the car, he walked up to me, and despite everything it felt nice to see him. I hated that it felt nice to see him but the rage was still there, simmering inside of me. Standing In front of him I couldn't help but think about what he and Alice must have done last night. Did they do anything?

I pushed the image of them out of my mind because it hurts to imagine it. "Alma, I've been calling you all day," he said casually like he had done nothing wrong.

Are men really this insensitive? Did he really not know what was going on? My rage skyrocketed and I tried to go around because more than a minute ago I really didn't wanna talk to him.

He blocked me, "Where are you going?" He asked, "Are you going to just ignore me?" He quizzed.

I cocked my head, "Are you serious right now?" I frowned, and scoffed, "Yes, Carl. I'm ignoring as you can see so just let me do that," I took one step but he blocked me again.

"Why? Why? Did I do something wrong?" He arched his brow.

I scoffed. Unbelievable. Did he do something wrong? God! I swear I wanna hit him right across his face right now. "Good question, Carl," I retorted sternly, stepping closer to him, "Did you do something wrong?"

"No. I didn't. That's why I'm asking you. You haven't been taking my calls all day, and I was worried about you. What's going on, Alma?" He asked, and each time those words left his mouth I felt a punch in my gut.

What was going on? How clueless was he? Was he even clueless or was he just pretending to be so I wouldn't know what he was up to? My mind was racing with every possible scenario, and I hated it. I hated the thoughts that popped up in my head.

"Alma," he whispered, and touched my arm, "Talk to me, what's going on with you?" he asked, sounding genuinely worried.

I looked at him carefully, his soft gaze, his beautiful eyes. They were all him, and maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe Carl was just oblivious to how uncomfortable the club situation had made me feel. Maybe he couldn't trace all this back to that.

Maybe—

His phone blared up, and he reached into his pocket, and pulled it out. He held the phone In front of him, and my eyes caught the caller ID on the screen. And I swear to God, smacking him was the least I wanted to do right now. Alice.

Alice again. I clenched my teeth. You've got to be shitting me. It was like she was taunting me right now.

I pushed past Carl as I went inside, slamming the door shut, and locking it behind me. "Alma?" He banged the door, "Alma, open up. Let's talk" He called again, and banged the door a few more times, and then stopped.

I stood at the door with my hands clenched to a fist at my sides. Anger radiated from me like heat from the sun. I heard the revving of engines, and I rushed to the window, quick enough to glimpse Carl as he drove away.

I scoffed. That was it? A few knocks and he gave up? Tears poked my lids, and I raised my head to keep them from rolling down my cheeks. God knows I wasn't going to cry for Carl, and the bitch he was probably running to.

Fuck Alice. Fuck both of them.

I went to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water and calm down, and noticed that Agatha wasn't there. Perhaps she was in her room. I drank some water and went upstairs to Velma's room to check up on her. I pause outside her room, taking a long deep breath, and composing myself before twisting the doorknob.

The door creaked open, revealing an empty room. Velma wasn't inside. Strange, I thought. Maybe she was with Agatha in her room. It wasn't likely but maybe.

I went to Agatha's room to check but when I got there it was empty too, and there was no sign of her or Velma. I checked the other parts of the house but there was no sign of them.

My heart was starting to race, fear creeping in, "Where were they? Where was Velma?"