Chapter 52
Chapter 52
Carl turned toward her and leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips. His own lips trembled against hers. He didn’t pull her close or even touch her, giving her complete freedom to turn away or leave.
Mandy was rooted to her spot. Frozen. Every molecule of her body wanted to stay where she was, kissing him just like this. She felt as if she would die if she pulled away. So she didn’t.
Carl broke away first, reluctantly. “If I keep kissing you then I’ll be tempted to take you right now. But you deserve so much more than a fucking in a car, Mandy. You deserve someone who will love you and take care of you. Someone who will always be there for you in every way you need them to be. Someone who can make love to you with all of the patience and tenderness in the world. I wish more than anything that I could deserve you, but the truth is, I don’t. I’m not that guy. I don’t know how to truly love, Mandy. And you deserve an expert in it.”
Mandy shook her head. “Everyone knows how to love if they are with the right person, Carl.” She swallowed. “I guess I’m just not the type of girl that can inspire love in someone.”
“Don’t say that,” he whispered hoarsely. “I’ve been trying to tell you that it’s me who’s to blame, not you. Any man who’s not in love with you is a fool.”
“Including you?”
“Worse,” he spat and covered his eyes as he pressed his fingers against his forehead. “Because you gave me your heart and I’m not worthy of it.”
Mandy swallowed, trying to clear the pain in her throat. Too bad she couldn’t take her heart back. “Then it’s not going to work, Carl. I can’t keep working for you with my heart shattered. I’m going to have to hand in my resignation. Sorry.”
THERE WAS A KNOCK ON Mandy’s door. She groaned and put a pillow over her head. Maybe if she just turned over and pretended she wasn’t there they would go away. Who the hell would visit her at seven in the morning? Then she remembered what day it was. Please don’t let it be Mom. Her dad might be cool with her not going to her sister’s wedding, but her mother would be another story, and since her sister was getting married in about five hours, then it was totally plausible that her mother had shown up on her doorstep to demand she go there.
If it was Carl knocking, then he would break down the door if she didn’t answer. She had spent half the night crying, then, when she had enough of her tears she let anger simmer through her. At least being angry was easier than being hurt and heart broken. She would talk to Carl on Monday about her job. She didn’t want to give it up, and the more she thought about things, the more confused she grew. She finally decided that if Carl wanted to keep her on, he would have to find her a place that was not at his house. She wouldn’t be at his beck and call, and when work finished at the end of the day, that would be the end until the next morning. She believed that if they set up boundaries, they would be fine. The only problem was that she wasn’t sure if it was Carl she needed to convince or herself.
She groaned and sat up as the door knocking continued. “I’m coming!” she shouted. She got up, groaning, and grabbed a light robe to put on over her nightie, which showed way more skin than she was comfortable with in front of other people. She cinched the belt tight and then stepped over the pile of books at the bottom of her bed, only to trip on her throw rug.
The knocking continued. Whoever you are, you’re dead to me! “Stop knocking!” she shouted as she tried to regain her balance. “I said I’m coming!”
The knocking promptly stopped. Okay, it’s not my mother. She wouldn’t have stopped knocking. If anything, she would have started shouting at her through the door. That meant it was either Carl or Murray. Please, let it be Murray.
She opened the door to find Carl standing on the other side wearing black trousers, a crisp, white button down shirt, and holding two travel mugs of coffee. He smiled apologetically at her. “Hey,” he said, handing her one. “It looks like you need this.”
Mandy took it, not in a position to turn down free coffee. She sipped it. Pumpkin spice latte, her favorite. He must have had Murray make it special because it was out of season. “What do you want?” she asked, sighing as she moved aside so he could come in.
“I’ve been thinking,” he said, sitting down on her couch, all confident and oozing sex appeal. “I think you should go to your sister’s wedding.”
“Carl, I’m not going.” She moved to stand in front of him after closing the door. “I don’t want to see them. And besides, I have nothing to wear.” That wasn’t exactly true, though. The red dress in the back of her closet tempted her every day. She was sure she could fit into it now.
“I know you don’t want to go right now,” Carl said. “But some things you just have to go to. I know you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t go. Just like I would have regretted it if I didn’t go see my father during those last few days. You helped me then and, despite my mistakes and you wanting to resign, I’m going to help you now.” The determination on his face told her he wasn’t going to accept no.
She smiled. He was playing her game. And she knew, deep down, that he was right. “You didn’t have to wake me up so early, you know,” she muttered. “It’s not for several more hours and there’s no way in hell I’m showing up early to help out.”
“No, of course not!” Carl grinned. “You want to re-establish relations with your family, not resume your role as their slave, Cinderella. How about your chariot driver takes you out for a nice breakfast before we go to the wedding?”
Driver? “You’re coming?”
He hesitated before answering. “I owe you. Big time. Plus, you need someone in your corner who isn’t scared of your mother.”
She smiled. “Thank you, Carl.”
He watched her and for a moment, he let down his guard completely, showing all of the desire and happiness in his expression as well as something else that Mandy wouldn’t let herself acknowledge. “I’m not perfect. I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you so many times, but I’m going to be there for you like you were for me.”
She blushed and sipped her coffee, not sure what to say.
Carl didn’t seem to mind. He drank his own as well, watching her. Studying her. She felt her body warm up to his gaze. She still had feelings for him. It was impossible not to. And suddenly, the wedding didn’t seem like the worst thing in the world if he was going with her. She had the weekend, on Monday they could talk business and her moving out, or moving on.
“So, when are we leaving for breakfast?” Mandy asked.
“Now? Whenever you want,” Carl said. “I didn’t make a reservation on purpose so you have plenty of time to get ready at your leisure.”
She giggled. “You don’t need reservations for breakfast. You hit a local dive and dig in.”
“Okay,” he said. “You choose the place.”
Her stomach growled, as if controlled by him. She ignored his cocky smile. “Give me five minutes.”
“Mandy?”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe you should take your time getting ready and change for the wedding. I can just wait here for you.”
She pressed her eyebrows together. “Why?” She imagined bacon grease dripping on her dress, or egg yolk.
He cleared his throat and fiddled with the top button of his shirt. “I might have made reservations. Take your time.”
She hesitated and watched him. Carl was up to something. Instinct told her to do as he asked. She nodded slowly. “Okay.”
She left him in the living room and hopped into the bathroom for a shower. She took her time, shaving her legs and enjoying the hot water to wake her up. She blow dried her hair and styled it, debating if she should wear the red dress or just go in a work outfit. As she did her makeup, she put it on to go with the red dress. Then decided she would wear a plain yellow one she’d bought as a backup. Towel around her, she peeked out into the living room and saw the back of Carl’s head. She moved to her wardrobe and reached for the yellow cotton sundress before glancing at that red dress. It hung there, incredibly sexy and perfect for the wedding and warm weather. What did she have to lose wearing it? The little devil on her shoulder told her to do it. Even the litt
le angel on the other side encouraged her. Screw it! I’m freakin’ wearing it!