62 Slicing guilt

62 Watch it burn
Date = 14 February
Place = San Francisco (different places)

POV - Melaena

Suddenly the looming darkness of the house we’ve just stopped at is not that dark anymore.

I know the things and lives we’ve lost here will always leave a hole. My hand rubs over my tummy. But the sadness will go away … we all have a bright future ahead … a wonderful happy one.

I will help every San Francisco boy to find happiness and a love that can heal them. A love like ours. But knowing my boys it’s not going to be an easy task.

A red fire truck from Station 34 is parked next to the house and the men are standing around as if they’re waiting for us.

“Can I have the keys to the car?” one fireman asks politely. Alejandro hands it over, knowing that he must be working with Axel.

“I’ll make sure to get it back to your place.” He walks away and I’m not sure how we’re going to get back to my place, but it seems that at least Kiara’s car will make it there.

I walk through the weathered door to find Jackson sitting on the broken staircase.

“Hey sis, are you alright?” I swallow some imaginary spit down and give him a faint smile while clinging to Alejandro’s hand in mine. Taking a quick glance to the right — where the room I was tied up in looms as a dark hole of cursed despair — I nod determinedly.

Even though more than one life was lost between these crumbling walls, I won’t let it get me down. Biting my bottom lip, I blow some air through my nose.

“Yes, I’m rather peachy.”

“Great.” He holds out a brown bag and I take it, vibrating with anticipation. I sigh out the fear from my lungs and stick my hand into the bag, pulling out a box of matches and another handwritten card.

I want you to burn all the bad memories with this house – together we'll all make it a better place.

I look at Jackson with confused eyes as he hands me a glass bottle filled with some kind of liquid fuel, a cloth stuck in the opening. The smell of petrol mixed with alcohol fills my nose and burns my throat.

“Just burn this fucking house down, sis.” I take the matches, my hands shaking so much I almost can’t light it up. Eventually, the cloth starts burning and Jackson throws it against the wall while shouting “AAAARRRRRRHHHHHGGGG!”

That sounds like fun.

I take the next bottle and walk to the cursed room, throwing it as hard as I can.

“EEEEHHHH!” That feels so good.

We light several more bottles, taking turns to relieve our pent-up anger. It’s strange how satisfying shattering glass can be while you watch the flames run up the bricks, eating into the wood.

It’s as if the disintegration of the bottles also breaks the enslavement the house has over us, freeing us. Standing there feels liberating as if all the anger, rage, and hate inside me are melting in those yellow-licking flames.

“You guys need to get back behind the truck,” a fireman orders when the fire spreads to the roof.

And here in the afternoon silence of a warm February day, I think about death. The burning house emits a long thick plume of smoke into the air.

They’re all dead. The whole frickin Brown family — Harry, Darren, and Lucinda — are all dead. And I’m glad. Ecstatic even.

Is it bad for me to feel that way?

The fact slowly settles in my brain and a quiet calmness spreads over me. No. They will never bother us again.

No more stupid mayday messages; no more looking over my shoulder; no more worrying. It’s over. And I’m glad I’m glad.

The hot air of the flames mixes with the cooler air of the sky, creating a blurry mirage-like heat-haze, like ghosts trying to escape from their prison. I hope all the ghosts who were trapped in that house find peace.

We watch the house getting engulfed by the fire. It doesn’t take very long — as if hell was set loose to devour it until only ashes are left.

Even the firefighters seem enthralled looking at the burning house.

Looking at my brother’s expression as he stands next to me, I know why Damion organized for him to be here, me and him … we lost a little part of ourselves in this house and we needed this to start healing.

I’m still unsure what exactly they did to him … or what his involvement was in the accident … and knowing my brother I may never find out … but I do hope he can find his own angel … someone to fight his monsters with him, someone that can fix his broken soul. Someone who will make him happy.

Of them all, Jackson’s angel will be the most difficult to find — if she even exists. The girl will have to be extremely bold, stubborn, strong, patient, complicated, and a little crazy to make Jackson whole — but I hope she’s somewhere out there. This crazy twin brother of mine deserves to be happy. They all do.

“So what’s going to happen to this place now?” I wonder.

“Well, we have a plan …” Alejandro smirks. “We’re going to change this place into a sanctuary … for orphaned and abused kids … mainly from the gang areas. It was all my brother’s idea.”

“Wow.” Nobody said a thing to me. Not even Damion.

“He wanted it to be a surprise … so please act surprised,” Alejandro rips.

“And … I’m buying out Paws and Claws … combining the two projects.” I don’t have to act, I am surprised.

“It sounds really great and I would love to help.” The two boys glare at each other — and smirk.

“That was loverboy’s whole plan — to give you something to do and keep you out of trouble,” Jackson wails.

“Hey …” I moan.

“We’re going to donate the money Dad left us. Is that alright with you?” Jackson says. I nod over eagerly and he smiles. I don’t need that money. None of us do.

“It’s gonna be huge, but your lover will explain everything to you.”

“And it’s going to bear our sister’s name. This way good is going to come from all the bad,” Alejandro explains, putting his arm around my shoulders. I smile. This is going to be a beautiful project, I just know it.

When only smoke and ashes remain, Jackson hands me his envelope and I pull out the card.

It started with a purple dress and ended in a night I'll never forget, a night of firsts for both of us. Get into the limo from that night and it will take you to your next destination.

Remember when you honored THE GUY by becoming his girlfriend? Go to the place you were waiting for me ... the place where I had to think about an ugly dude naked to sink my boat because you looked so damn sexy.

Just then a limousine pulls up hooting its horn. I smile thinking how much effort and thought Damion put into organizing this hunt. He thought of the smallest details to make this something special and remarkable. Our first Valentine’s Day together and I, for sure, will never forget it. Who knew my badboy player could be this romantic?

Damion’s comment about the Titanic jumps into my mind and I start laughing so loud that I need to cling to the limo. I tell the boys about the goon Damion was imagining naked to deflate his dick.

“Seriously. I’m your fucking brother. I don’t need to know that.” He has this too-much-information bitter look on his face.

I ask if the trick actually works and they both snigger with naughty expressions.

“That’s hardcore,” D-boy snips, “Never had to use it. I can still control my dick.”

Jackson snorts but doesn’t comment. Strange for him.

Maybe it’s another thing guys learn at the BEAST academy. Together with, among other things, how to keep a stoic face and work on a girl’s nerves.

The driver gets out and holds open the door for us, and I direct him to Speakeasy Ales & Lagers, the small pub, our secret meeting spot. This time Jackson plugs in his phone and hands me the song card.

I was expecting the soppy Titanic song or even ‘Perfect’ from Ed Sheeran — since we danced on it at the ball — but I’m thrown for a total curveball.

Boy like you – Kesha.

Have you figured out what to do with a boy like me yet?

I can clearly say that you've got me hooked, wrapped around your finger. I'm beautiful and dangerous ... and you blow my mind.

By the way, I see the light now ... it was all part of destiny's plan for us to be together.

Cheesy, right?

But so darn cute I want to scream and cry all at once. The small things he remembers from our time together fill me with awe. I’ve never expected that from a boy like him.

His voice fills the car and the song fits perfectly into the circumstances, bringing tears to my eyes.

‘… you’re so beautiful and dangerous …’

Cocky dipshit. But he’s right, it does describe my man to the T! My wonderful stupid badboy whom I love so much it hurts. I sniff and bite my lip.

‘what do I do with a boy like you …’

A snotty giggle burps from my throat. I can think of a few things … all 18R of course! And now I wish he was here so I could kiss heaven out of him. I push my face into my brother’s shoulder and snot him.

“Fuck,” Jackson chides with a disgusted voice. “Your fucking brother broke my sister.”

“I think your sister broke him too,” Alejandro niggles back, “He’s turned into a real fanny.”

“It’s so fucked up how one stupid girl can do that to a man,” Jackson vexes. I lift my head to look at him. He pouts as if I caught him in the cookie jar. Could my brother be in love?

Nah. That’s not possible. Is it?

I walk into the pub, this time with two hotties in tow, to find the oldest of my brothers at the bar, drink in hand. He winks at me as soon as he sees me and I can’t stop the huge smile from spreading over my face as I stand on my tippy-toes to hug him around his neck.

He hands me a small velvet box, not asking if I’m okay, but his doctor-eyes scanning my body doesn’t go unnoticed. I suppose it’s his way of a quick checkup.

I immediately open it.

My head spins and my hands shake so badly I almost drop the box.

It’s a necklace. My necklace. The one Darren yanked off.

How? Where?

I hold it up.

“Where did he find this?” I ask softly, tears welling in my eyes again.

“Eh, I found it at the scene where Darren crashed their car,” Jackson answers, “and then I gave it to Damion to get it fixed.”

Now tears roll slowly down my cheeks. Ilkay takes it, moves my hair to the side, and fastens it around my neck, all while I’m standing there … stumped … frozen, and ecstatically happy.

Darren tried … but he could not break me. I won. We won.

“Eh, before we sit with an over-emotional fairy … please read the next card,” Ilkay moans. I take it from him, still trembling.

You were my own little lab bunny and our first kissing experiment turned my whole world upside down!

Vampire Diaries is my new favorite show – I got the girl! And I'll never let you go!

That freaking experiment of his ripped out my whole heart and handed it to my brother’s badboy best friend, even if I was still fighting it in my mind.

I love the excitement and memories of this hunt! How he pieced it all together. But what I love the most is that I’m the only one who gets to see this side of him. I must be the luckiest girl alive … I have the perfect cockiest boyfriend ever!

“Okay, let’s get to his house. I’m starting to like this whole sissy-boy side of him.” The boys grunt together. Oh, they will all get their turn … of that, I’ll make sure. And I’m going to enjoy teasing each and every one of them into the abyss.

Ilkay has the next song to entertain us on our drive to Damion’s living quarters — and this time I’m bomb-shocked, yet again.

Holding on and letting go – Ross Copperman.

You better get this else you're not the biggest TVD fan.

I get it, it’s the song when Damon kissed Elena for the first time — again I must admit, he gave it some deep deep thought! My girly bits curl and tickle with excitement about how I plan to end this little adventure — me and him both naked.

‘It’s everything you wanted … it’s everything you don’t …’

The words are … eh … descriptive … at that stage my heart wanted Damion but my mind didn’t yet …