Chapter 13 Why does being in love have to be so fucking difficult?
Viper
This past month with Catalina living in my room at the clubhouse has been a special kind of torture. Having her incredible body next to mine each night, breathing in the scent of her skin, feeling the softness of her against me, and being completely unable to act on it has left me in a state of constant, fucking frustration. I have the world’s worst case of blue balls. She needed time to heal, and every time she has tried to take things further than just holding each other, I have put a stop to it. Lately, she has seemed withdrawn, retreating to our room right after dinner when everyone else is socializing.
I think she is missing her father. I know Jenna is. I found her crying in the kitchen a couple of weeks back; she tried to blame it on onions, but there were none in sight.
Butcher finally brought in some new girls for the prospects. There are five of them. One, a redhead named Amber, has made it her mission to get my attention, constantly putting her hands on my waist or rubbing my arm. I have told her nicely to back off, but it seems I need to make my status a lot more clear. She always makes her move right after the evening meal.
"Angel, would you grab me another beer?" I asked Catalina.
"Of course," she said, her eyes drifting toward the table where the club girls were sitting.
The moment Catalina walked away, Amber was there, her red curls bouncing, her breasts barely contained in a tiny top. She planted herself directly in my lap. I put my hands on her hips to push her off, but she locked her arms around my neck and crushed her mouth against mine. What the fuck? The Brothers around us started cheering. I tore my face from hers and stood up, sending her tumbling to the floor in a heap. The room erupted in laughter as she scrambled up and stormed away. I grabbed a stack of napkins and scrubbed the fucking red lipstick from my mouth.
It was half an hour later when I realized Catalina had never returned. I went to our room and found her asleep. When I looked closer, I saw the dried tracks of tears on her cheeks. She must have been in real pain; her pill bottle was open on the nightstand, and she was out for the night. I undressed, climbed into bed, and held her until I fell asleep.
In the morning, she was still sleeping deeply. I got up quietly, showered, dressed, and left her to rest. She emerged an hour later, while I was talking to Butcher about the Jake situation. She looked utterly miserable. My poor girl.
Tonight, I have a surprise planned for my Reina Salvaje. She laughed when she heard the Brothers had given her the nickname, saying she liked it.
I walked into the kitchen to find Jenna and Catalina speaking in rapid Italian. Catalina was shredding potatoes for hash browns, and it was good to see her laughing. I moved behind her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She went rigid immediately. Jenna stopped talking and turned to see why, and her smile vanished when she saw me.
"Hey Viper."
"Hey Jenna. I heard Torque made his claim official. Congratulations."
"Thank you, I am really happy about it. It is just strange, is it not? You told me, our father, and Catalina that she was your Old Lady, but it does not seem like anyone else around here has gotten the memo."
"Jenna, let it go," Catalina said, her voice low.
"What are you talking about? People know," I said.
"Really? It certainly did not look that way last night."
"Fuck, Jenna, I said drop it."
I watched as Catalina left the kitchen without another word. I turned to Jenna, who had her back to me as she tended to a pan of scrambled eggs.
"Do you want to tell me what that was about?"
"No."
"Let me try again. What the fuck was that about?"
She slammed her spatula down and killed the flame under the pan.
"Fine. Imagine the man you are completely in love with declares you are his. Now, I know she has not said it back because she is terrified. Her ex-boyfriend told her he loved her every day while he was beating the shit out of her. Now imagine new girls show up, and your girl is trying everything she can to be close to you, to show you she is ready, and she keeps getting rejected without a real explanation."
"Because her body is still healing, Jenna! She has fractured ribs and a severe concussion. She was fucking assaulted. She needs time!" I had not meant to raise my voice, but a wave of raw frustration broke through. I had no idea she was feeling this way. "Why did she not say anything to me?"
"Why did you not say anything to her? You just shut her down every single time she tried to get close. She believes that because of what Jake did, you do not want her anymore. She thinks she is ruined. She thinks you regret calling her your Old Lady. Now, with all of that in her head, picture her watching the man she is completely in love with with another woman in his lap, kissing her."
"It was not like that! That woman kissed me."
"Viper, we both walked out of the kitchen and saw you with your mouth on another woman. Then she went straight to your room, and I went back to the kitchen to scrub dishes raw because I was fighting the urge to pull my Glock and put a bullet in your back."
"I stood up and forced her off of me!"
"That is not what it looked like from where we were standing. We saw the whole club cheering while another woman was sitting in the Enforcer’s lap. Now imagine, after seeing that, you go to bed alone, and when you wake up, your man is gone, and you have no idea where he spent the night."
"I was right there with her. She took a painkiller and was out cold. She was still sleeping when I left this morning."
"Who actually knows she is your Old Lady? Name one person."
"Butcher knows. He granted me an exemption from the two-week separation trial because he understood Catalina needed my support to recover."
"You know, that fucking separation trial almost destroyed me. I knew nothing about it, and I thought Torque had moved on after I told him I loved him. Your club needs a better policy, and a single person knowing, Viper, is not the same as everyone knowing."
I let out a heavy breath. "I will go talk to her. But I want to show you something first. Do you think she will like this?" I unbuttoned my shirt. Over my heart, fresh black ink spelled out ‘Property of Chaotic’.
Jenna’s entire face lit up. "She is going to love that."
"What about this one?" I undid my jeans, pulling the waistband down to show the name ‘Celeste’ inked just above my groin.
"Yes," she laughed, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"Okay, one more." I showed her my left hand. Wrapping around my ring finger, like a permanent band, was the name ‘Catalina’.
"Viper," she said, her voice soft with emotion. "She will adore all of them, but that one… that one will be her favorite."
"Good. I want her to understand that I love every part of who she is."
"Where are you going to put ‘Reina Salvaje’?"
I paused while buttoning my shirt, realizing I had forgotten that one entirely. "I have it. Across my lower knuckles, with hearts on my thumbs."
"You truly love her, do you not?"
"I am completely fucking in love with her. Now, I am going to find my girl."
Catalina
I swipe at the tears streaking down my face as the Uber carries me across the city. The constant rejection these past few weeks, likely because I am a bruised and broken mess with a swollen nose and split lips, has utterly demolished my confidence. I close my eyes, but the tears keep coming. Then the memory forces its way in, the image of one of the new club girls in his lap. The sight completely shattered me.
"Ma’am, are you alright? Is there someone I can call for you? Are you in a safe situation?"
I look up at the driver’s concerned face in the rearview mirror. "I will be fine. My former boyfriend hurt me, but I am safe now."
"Well, I am glad to hear he is an ex."
The car stops outside my apartment building. I thank him and get out. Fuck. I left my keys and my phone at the clubhouse. After ordering the ride, I had put my phone down to grab a jacket and then just ran, desperate to avoid seeing Viper again. I go to the building manager’s office and explain the situation to Lois, who lets me in.
The apartment is a tomb. A layer of dust coats every surface, the air is thick and stale, and a dark, rust-colored stain blooms across the carpet where it happened.
I came here to collect the rest of my things and pay the lease through the end of the month, so the cleaners have time to restore this place. I grab two large storage totes and start filling one with my lingerie and shoes. I add purses, dresses, casual outfits, and jeans. I pack hoodies, t-shirts, crop tops, sweaters, and the various throwing blades I kept hidden between the mattress and the box spring on my side of the bed. The second tote gets all my hair products and makeup. I add a blanket my grandmother crocheted for me and a few pieces of jewelry that belonged to my mother. Jenna and I divided her things years ago. There are no photographs I care to take.
Sitting on the bare bed, the reality of my situation crashes down. How am I supposed to get these heavy totes back to the clubhouse? I have Jenna’s number memorized. I will have to call her from the manager’s office. I take one last look around; there is nothing else here I need. I drag both containers down to the office. Lois hands me her personal phone, but Jenna does not answer. Taking pity on me, Lois orders me another Uber.
I sigh, leaning against the wall. I have no idea what I am going to do about Viper. Why does being in love have to be so fucking difficult?