33: Regrets are for Rich People

**Coal**

I brushed my mate's hair out of her face, and a smile touched my lips at the sight of my mark on her neck.

When she'd said those words to me, my heart skipped and leaped all kinds of ways. I had to make sure she wanted it, and when she gave me the go-ahead, I went for it.

And sinking my teeth into her neck was the most euphoric feeling I've ever had.

I felt our bond snap back into place, and boy did it return with a vengeance.

Her memories flooded my mind as she shuddered and collapsed in my arms while I came inside of her.

Everything monumental that she had experienced was now shared with me, and the overwhelming sensation of feeling her emotions through those memories had my eyes watering.

I brushed my fingers over her mark, happy to know that we were now together and that nothing could break us apart. Nothing could shatter this bond between us ever again. The Goddess could only *dream* to tear it from my cold dead hands.

My spite for the deity that we believed created us amplified tenfold as I had lived through my mate's most core memories. How could someone who saw us as their children let any one of us go through what my mate had gone through? It hurt me just to think that she was watching all of it happen and did nothing to intervene.

No, any deity that did that was a deity I didn't care to worship. Fuck the council, my mother, the whole werewolf kingdom if they had issue with that. I would not kneel before anyone but the woman in my arms. And I certainly would not kneel for a Goddess who allowed such horrendous things to be inflicted on an innocent child.

Raegan sighed softly in her sleep and turned around in my arms to bury her face into my chest.

Immediately after we had sex she had fallen asleep, and she'd stayed asleep now for well over eight hours. But I wasn't about to wake her. Not when she looked so damn cute with her flushed cheeks and puffy lips. It was rare that she looked so... at rest. Even before she'd been taken, restful wasn't something she had the luxury of being. But now she looked like she was having the best sleep of her life. And from the feelings that were humming down our bond, she really was.

*Coal, we've got a problem.* Hannah shouted down the link.

I sighed, and pinched my eyes shut, *Hannah, my mate is going through her fog. I made it clear we weren't--*

*It's the council. They're here. Eaton called them all in and they're all here.*

I growled lowly, and Arsen snarled in my mind.

Raegan groaned, and snuggled closer to me, "shh. Go back to sleep, wolfman. I'm tired."

I sighed once more and pouted a little at the thought of having to leave her here to deal with the stupid fucking council.

"Baby, the council is here," I said and twisted a lock of her hair around my finger.

She snarled. In her sleepy state, the sound was beyond adorable to me, and I couldn't help but lean down and rub my nose against hers while fighting back an urge to squeeze her that was oddly similar to wanting to squeeze a puppy that is just way too fucking cute.

"Don't think of me like that," her lower lip jutted out, yet her eyes remained shut.

"Like what?" I chuckled.

"Like I'm cute." She scrunched up her nose and nuzzled my chest.

"How'd you know that is what I was thinking?" I grinned and laid my chin on top of her head.

"Because I got waves of cute aggression coming from you down the bond." She wrapped her arms around me and pulled herself flush against me.

"Cute-aggression?"

"Look it up, babes."

"Babes?"

"You're the one who started calling me 'baby'. I was perfectly fine with being called 'dove'--"

"Oh," I laughed, "so now you're getting picky with what pet names I give you, huh?"

"If I didn't then you'd start calling me basic ass nicknames. I can't have that."

"Why not?" I smiled.

"Because then we'd run out of good names to give our pups."

My breath hitched.

The memory of what I'd seen while I was in a coma hit me full force, and I pulled back from Raegan, sitting up in an attempt to catch my breath.

She dropped her arms from around my waist as I sat up and opened her eyes to peer at me.

"What? What did I say wrong?" She asked, her own panic becoming clear.

I shook my head, and cupped her face, "what did you mean if I stopped giving you good pet names we wouldn't have anymore names for our pups?"

Her cheeks heated up, and she sat up beside me. She crawled into my lap and wrapped her limbs around my torso. Her face fell into my shoulder as she began to recant the dream she'd told me about before.

Only this time, as she told me about it, she told me about the names that she and I had argued about in the dream.

Kennedy. James. And Dove.

"I still stand by our firstborn being named 'Kennedy'," she grumbled softly against my skin, "'Dove' is not a suitable firstborn name. More like a spoiled lastborn name."

I covered my mouth with my hand and blinked several times.

The images of those pups came to mind, and the smaller things about them shifted around in my mind.

Our pups. I wrapped my arms around Raegan and sobbed into her shoulder.

The council was forgotten, and the fog no longer lingered around us.

Arsen howled internally as I let tears fall for the children that may never be.

Our children who would have existed if I had just found her earlier. If I had just been focused enough to not let her wander outside like that without her guards in the first fucking place.

Our children who would have been so perfect and brought so much joy.

She held me back and I felt her own tears burn hot against my bare chest.

"I know," she whispered, rubbing my back.

And she did. She'd mourned this before she'd even escaped. Mourned something she felt was her fault.

I choked back what I could of my sobbing, and slowly told her of my own dream when I'd been in a coma.

I told her about the three bundles of joy that bounded around her and Kai. I explained what they looked like in heavy detail, and told her of their different personalities.

"They would have been mine," I finished the story. "It doesn't matter to me whose blood they would have had, they would have been my pups. Our pups. Kennedy, Dove, and James. Our kids. Fatherhood is something I've wanted for so long Raegan, and I know it's still possible for us, and I know that adoption and surrogacy wouldn't make those pups any less ours, but I know that what I-- what *we're* feeling right now is... it's important. It hurts, but we'll figure it out. When you're ready." I buried my face into the crook of her neck, needing as much comfort from her as I could get.

"I want to know if it's impossible first," she said, rubbing my back gently. "And I want to know as soon as we can get the doctor to check."

"Are you sure you're ready?" I whispered against her skin, inhaling her scent deeply.

"I'm sure. I want to know. The earlier I know the earlier we can move through this, and mourn it together. Or start trying. Either one."

"You want pups that soon?" I pulled back and looked at her.

She rolled her eyes, and shoved my forehead playfully, "no, asshole. I want to freeze my eggs if it's possible. Make sure we have the opportunity secured."

I chuckled.

"Only had sex once and it's already the only thing on the hound's mind," she grumbled, scrunching her face up.

I gasped, and slapped my hand over my chest, "why I'd *never.*"

"Sure you wouldn't," she smirked and then leaned down and kissed me softly. "Let's go meet the council," she sighed into my mouth.

I groaned, "one more round?" I batted my lashes up at her.

"Seriously?" She raised her brows.

"Mhm," I leaned towards her and kissed the column of her neck.

She moaned softly, and then shoved me back on the bed, "you drive a hard bargain," her eyes sparkled with mischief and darkened with lust, "I'm game."