Chapter 25-3
The darkness cloaked her as she wandered towards the closed pool and sank into a sun lounge. Why didn't she go to Otis now? No matter how mad he was, she knew he'd love to see here there, and she wanted to hear him do his thing, watch him in his element, the one place where he had total confidence and seemed unbreakable. But something held her back. She wanted to be at the dinner, or at least she wanted to want to be there, not hanging out in a grungy pub with the unwashed masses. And more than that, she wanted Otis to want to be with her. The power balance was so off-kilter, it was doing her head in. "Lex." A male voice sounded from behind her, but not the one she wanted to hear. "MacNamara. What do you want?" He appeared from the other side of the pool, approaching her in the darkness with an intense look in his eyes. Lex realised she was trapped - there was no way to get past him, and here in the dark, no one could see her if she needed help. She drew breath and steeled herself. But rather than look threatening, Ryan sat cautiously next to her. "I wanted to say sorry. I've been a massive douche." Suspicious, Lex analysed him. "How drunk are you?" "I'm not." He bowed his head, contrite. "Look, I've been waiting for a chance to speak to you alone for a while, but when you're not at work, you're always with that boy of yours..." "His name is Otis." "Fine, Otis. I just wanted to explain, so you know that I'm not trying to be a jerk." "Fine, explain," said Lex curiously. Ryan ran his fingers down the pressed seam of his pants, appearing to search for the right words. "It's just that, I know we were only casual, because that's what we both wanted. And then you started seeing Otis, and I realised that I missed you. We were good together, weren't we, Lex?" "We were never exactly together." "Yeah, but we were pretty fucking impressive, right?" Ryan reached over and ran his fingertips down her shoulder blade, the skin exposed by the low back of her silk dress, and Lex's body responded by bursting into goose bumps. "We always had a good time in bed, and you make me laugh. And I'm not gonna lie, I wanted the promotion, I did. But I was only a dick about it because I hated that you'd moved on." If he'd tried to tell her all of this in the office, Lex would have laughed and told him that he didn't have a soul, therefore, he couldn't possibly have feelings. However, here in the dark, with no one watching, Lex felt the truth in his words. "I wasn't trying to beat you, you know. I just wanted to advance in my career." "I know." His fingers trailed down her bare arm, almost brushing the side of her breast. "I just always pictured us being a thing. We'd fight it out for promotions, then fuck it out in the bedroom. It wouldn't even matter who won, because it would be a fair fight." His hand moved higher, dancing over her collarbone. I should stop this... "Ryan..." "Think about it, Lex. We would be such a power couple. We'd fuckin' own this firm in a few years, have more money than Belfort, be the one percent, live like kings and spend every night screwing each other's brains out. I know that's what you want..." She did. She really did. She hesitated for only a moment as his fingers found the split in her dress and began creeping over her bare thigh, then she drew away. "I do want that. I just don't want it with you." For a long second, Ryan's hand still hung on the air, as if her leg might return. Then his eyes darkened with rage. "He can never give you what I can. He has no idea what it takes to keep a woman like you happy. You're like me, Lex. You're self-centred and money-hungry. Any man who falls for you is going to end up broken, let alone little boys who like to play little songs." "Get out of here, Ryan," she said, wrapping her arms around herself, "before I have to report back to the rest of the board that you tried to hit on your manager." He smirked and sauntered off, leaving Lex to fall back against the seat, shaking hard. She hated him, hated how right he was. She wanted Otis, but she wanted him to be like Ryan; tough, driven, dominant. She'd never intended on being the man in her relationship, but somehow, that's where she found herself. Kicking off her shoes, Lex pulled her legs up against her chest, curled into a ball of frustration, guilt and grief. A while later, her phone rang. Otis. She answered with trembling fingers, her voice filled with penitence. "Hey, you. How was your night?" There were people yelling in the background, and live distorted music. Otis sounded excited as he replied, "It went well! I got a bunch of stuff booked for the next few months - it looks like I'll be in Newcastle for a gig in a couple of weeks." "That's great, babe." Lex missed him in that moment, needed to wrap her arms around him and feel his heart beat against hers. "I'm so glad. I love you." A pause, then he said, "I love you too, Lexi. Hey, I'm leaving here now - do you want to meet me at home?" "Yes. I'll see you there soon, okay?" "Cool beans." They hung up, and Lex stood, smiling. She would go home to her amazing boyfriend and make love. Screw MacNamara. He knew nothing about her. Otis was what she wanted, and they would find a way to make it work. Pushing thoughts of dead babies, ex-boyfriends, nightmares and reversed gender roles aside, Lex left the pool, determined that she could have it all if she just worked hard enough. So, yup, Lex had the termination. If you're going to share your personal opinions on abortion, as some of you already have, please keep it civil - no attacking anyone else for their views.