Chapter 35

As a woman, this was difficult to accept. Especially when all she ever wished for was to build a family with her beloved, to make her own bundles of joy after growing up without a family to call her own. But when she discovered she could never get pregnant, not even a million years, Kathryn lost all the confidence in such beliefs and big dreams. And it was even harder for Zachary to say it to himself. What would happen if he knew? Would he leave Kathryn when he did learn Kathryn couldn’t give him children in the future?

More than anything, Kathryn didn’t want to face this hard truth and wanted to keep them to herself. Only to be found out by none other than Zachary’s father. He told her then, she could never give a child to Zachary no matter how hard she tried and that only Scarlet could fulfill that part…

"I couldn’t do it, Zack. I tried. I tried doing what he told me. To forget you, let you go…But I couldn't completely do it, Zack. I’m sorry," Kathryn broke into a whisper, shaking her head as if afraid she had done something terrible, her lips trembling as tears formed and continuously strolled down her cheeks. She had shared this to Chad then, tried to be subtle as much as she could, not wanting to worry him more than she already had. The days when she was apart from Zachary felt extremely dull and boring and painful, and Kathryn didn't exactly know how she survived those days without losing her mind entirely.

Zachary's heart felt like it was being squeezed at the sight, yet it also swelled in bliss knowing Kathryn had loved him ever since. It didn't change. It didn't wither away. Kathryn had always loved him, and Zachary couldn't feel happier upon knowing it. 

Zachary caressed Kathryn's face, trying to wipe away the tears that were repeatedly replaced by another as the younger continued to explain, forcing herself to utter more words between hard sobs. 

"That's why I begged him. I begged your father to give me a chance. To prove that I could be worthy of staying by your side regardless of my incapability," Kathryn used one of her hands to wipe her tears, not bothered anymore on how she was exposing more of her vulnerable weak self before Zachary. 

"He offered me a deal. A deal where I must hurt you, leave you, make you believe I cheated on you…for one year. He told me that after a year of having your heart broken, even if I hurt you in the process, if you still loved me and wanted me by your side, then he would accept me. He said he would accept me and let me stay by your side, Zachary." Kathryn pursed her lips, preventing another stream of tears to fall down. 

She recalled how after making Zachary believe she had another man and that they were always together, she was always in the kitchen, furnishing her own skills that would hopefully bring her up, enough to meet Zachary and his family with pride. It was frustrating, painful, and sometimes too lonely to not be able to tell anyone about her struggles. David was there and had always been, but Kathryn decided to be subtle yet again, owning her own problems to herself. Some days she would feel them becoming too hard, too strong she felt suffocated and weak. But she wasn't ready to give up. She couldn't. More than anything, as quickly as possible, she wanted to run back into Zachary's arms. 

"But I couldn't do it after all. It's just three months, not even half of what your father and I have agreed…Zachary, I have faith in you. I know it sounds selfish, but I know you're going to choose me after a month, a year, even after everything. Because I know exactly how much you love me and I know you will always remember how much I love you too even if I don't say the words to you," the last words that left Kathryn's lips were almost a whisper, causing Zachary to not hold back his own tears any longer. 

Kathryn was too damn right. Even if Kathryn really did those things, Zachary would still be ready to accept her. He might be losing sight of what was truly important at first, doubting and feeling frustrated for all those confusing actions, but Zachary knew he would still choose Kathryn in the end. Just as he was ready to disregard other people’s feelings, even cheating behind their friend's back as greedy his heart had become, Zachary was also ready to surrender, to sacrifice everything for Kathryn. 

No matter what happens, Zachary would always believe in the love both he and Kathryn have for each other. It was something nothing, no one, not even his father or any stupid deal or any diseases or whatever it was, could ever break. 

"It was me who couldn't do it, Zack…I can't do it. I'm too selfish to leave you. I'm too selfish to ignore you. I'm too selfish to let you be with Scarlet. I can't do that anymore. I can't stay away from you anymore. I'm sorry for my selfishness," Kathryn sobbed as Zachary pulled her, embracing his lover who cried even harder over the contact.

Tears also rolled down Zachary's cheeks, but they no longer held any sadness, pain, or bitterness. Kathryn's confession was enough to ebb every hurting emotion away out of Zachary's inner being. Truth be told, Zachary felt the happiest man on earth as he heard the most honest and sincere words of Kathryn, his Kathryn. 

Zachary kissed the top of Kathryn's head as he caressed the younger's back which was shaking uncontrollably from crying. "Hush now, baby. Thank you for telling me everything." And it was probably more than that. Zachary never believed in the power of words until this day when Kathryn finally told him what was going on, and Zachary had to internally bleed after knowing Kathryn had been going through such painful struggles by herself. So what if they couldn’t make a baby in the future? So what if Kathryn couldn’t give him a child? For Zachary to meet such an angel like Kathryn—it was more than enough. He couldn’t ask for more. Just having Kathryn made him happy and content as a man and simply, as a person. 

Waves of relief washed over Zachary as every negativity inside him had melted down upon listening to Kathryn's words. He cupped Kathryn's cheeks as he pulled her away slightly, facing her within inches. 

"Stop it. I don't like it when you're crying like this," Zachary ordered rather softly. He had meant to say what he usually does when Kathryn cries over a thing for more than fifteen minutes. It was a silly rule that he had implemented back then with Zachary telling Kathryn she wasn’t allowed to cry longer than fifteen minutes. 

Kathryn sniffed and looked like she was about to cry again. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing’s ever your fault. What are you apologizing for?" Zachary's left and right thumb wiped Kathryn's tears off her cheeks, gently placing a few pecks on the younger's face, trying to soothe her pain away. 

"For hurting you on purpose. For making you feel like shit—”

"Hey, no bad words for you!" Zachary warned.

"Sorry…" Kathryn sniffed again. "I'm sorry for being too selfish and not being able to do the deal right."

Kathryn was about to cry again but was stopped by Zachary quickly with a kiss. It was a warm full passionate kiss that made both of them feel their connection. Their indestructible connection.

Not that Zachary cared about that deal anyway. For Zachary, it was as stupid as his father was. He and his mother didn't even come to visit him, yet the old man had the nerve to talk to Kathryn as if he knew what happiness meant. Zachary mentally scoffed, noting how his father couldn't and would never be able to control him with his nonsense ideals of the world. Zachary had enough of his shit. He wouldn't be taking any more crap from anyone. That was pure bullshit, Zachary thought, strengthening his hold around Kathryn. 

"Cry again and I won't let you sleep tonight."

Kathryn blushed hard. "Zachary!"