Chapter 38 38
He stayed with her throughout the rest of the party, and when it was time to go he leaned towards her.
“Sure you can drive yourself home?”
She'd not taken a lot of alcohol, but something told Alana wasn't what he was referring to, “I'm fine. Thank you,” she replied.
“I’ll walk you to your car then,” he said and reached for her bag, “In fact, let me hold that for you,”
But she pushed his hand away. “It’s okay. I can hold my bag, Stefan. It's not heavy at all,”
The words weren’t meant to be a jab at him, but he felt it all the same. They walked in silence to her car, and only when she unlocked the door did he say, “I think we need to talk.”
“Not tonight,” she said.
“Yes, tonight,” he countered. He reached past her and placed his hand on the door so she wouldn't open it, “I don’t like the way you’re acting.”
“I’m sorry you don’t. I’m not sure how to change it right now.”
“I am,” he said, moving closer to her.
But she put her hand up. “Stop. Kissing and Sex isn’t going to fix this.”
“I didn’t think it would. I was going to give you a hug, Alana. I thought you might need some reassurance that I really want us to work things out. I meant it when I said I didn't want to fight anymore.”
She shrugged, and it was like an arrow to his heart.
“I'm not going to sugarcoat things,” he continued,” I still want us to get married, but something tells me the idea might appeal more to you if we had some sort of relationship first, and I'd like us to do that.”
She nibbled at her lower lip and Stefan took a step back, not knowing what else to say. He rubbed the back of his neck and came up to her again. He was trying to be what she needed, but he saw now that it was going to take a lot more than just trying to make her happy.
“I thought you knew that now I’m trying to find that bond with you,” he said. He hand lifted her chin so she'd look him straight in the eyes, “We didn't get a chance to date properly before Juliana came, but we do now. We're both here. We want each other. We can raise our daughter together while I show you amazing it'd be if you become my wife,”
It did sound amazing, Alana thought. She liked this idea better than the idea of getting married right away. “I think it's a good idea, Stefan but I must say I'm not sure if you’re just enthralled with the newness of having a child or if this is something real.”
She’d hit the nail on the head with that observation and he shouldn’t be surprised. “I do want a bond with you, Alana. I know how easily words can be broken. But I’m trying. Can that be enough for you? For now?” he asked.
Nothing had ever caused him the sort of ache he felt inside him whenever the thought of losing her crossed his mind. Tonight when he was home he needed to sit down and examine this new weakness. This kind of caring was a detriment to a man.
She tipped her head and studied him. Something he noticed she did when she was weighing options. He hoped he measured up, and did his best to look sincere. He thought he saw doubt and maybe some disappointment in her eyes, so he furrowed his brow as he looked over at her.
“You look like you might punch me if I don’t say yes,” she said at last with a sad little half smile.
“That was me being sincere,” he said. He wasn’t even good at that. How the hell did he think he was going to manage a commitment to her and to his daughter? He was going to have to be more in touch with his feelings and express them.
She shook her head and gave a little laugh. “You shouldn’t look so fierce if you want people to think you are sincere.”
“I can’t help it. Ever since you came back into my life I haven’t felt blasé about a single thing. From the moment you came back into my life nothing has been normal.”
“Uh, thanks?”
“I meant it as a compliment, but it’s clear to see you didn’t take it that way. I guess I’m not good at this type of conversation.”
She stepped closer to him, and put her hand on his chest over his heart. Even though he didn’t know what he was doing, somehow he felt he was bumbling his way through this. He was doing what he needed for her to see that she was important to him.
“I'd really love to try the relationship thing with you,” she said softly.
“Really?” he asked.
“Yes, really,”
She reached forward and kissed him gently on the lips, then opened the door and slid into the car while he watched her trying hard to pretend that he hadn’t just made a huge leap forward in her estimation.
—--------
The next morning a large bouquet of multi-colored flowers were delivered to her office. Alana looked down at the yellow, pink and orange petals with their large brown centers and tried not to feel giddy or do something crazy like rush down to his office to tell him how much she loved them.
It was such a warm bouquet of flowers, and she smiled as she read the note, “I didn’t know which kind you liked so I settled on this bunch of gerbera daisies because they reminded me of you.”
If he was trying to make up for the roses he'd destroyed, then he certainly was headed in the right direction for forgiveness, Alana thought.
“How did those flowers remind you of me?” She asked him later that night when he took her out to dinner.
“They made me smile,” he said.
She felt a giddy rush of joy shoot through her. She wanted to be cautious, to tell herself to slow down and not take everything he said and did as an undeclared admission of love for her. But it was hard. She was starting to see him now in the new light of her emotions.