Chapter 18 18
He wanted to pound those two men into dust for doing this to her. But she was right in a couple of ways. He didn't love her. He was honest enough with himself to admit that. But what he felt for Alana was more than just lust and memories of great sex. Even if Juliana wasn't between them, he'd have hunted her down.
He'd have done it to satisfy his ego that she hadn't forgotten him and to see if the dreams that had plagued him were just that—dreams. At the rate they were going, she wasn't going to give him the chance to find out.
And the baby changed everything. Better for him, for Juliana, but for Alana and him, it had cut short what could have been something special, and Stefan didn't know what to do anymore.
"Alana?"
She looked up and the tears in her eyes were like gunshots to his heart.
"Honey, talk to me." He said softly.
"I can't screw up your life for a name. Please don't ask me to. I know it would be better for Juliana, but you and I have to live with the decision and so does she."
He'd sworn he'd back off and this time he meant to keep the promise. He scooted close, his hand on the baby to keep Alana near.
"I'm sorry you had it rough with those guys. But just don't forget that I'm not them." When Alana opened her mouth, he pressed two fingers against her lips. "Shh. Don't say anymore. I can accept how you feel. I don't have to like it, but I can accept it. For now."
It was the "for now" that he clung to.
Alana felt a little sprig of something wild inside her at the knowledge that he wasn't just giving up. Oh, she was sadistic, she thought, to have the perfect man in front of her and not want him. Well, that wasn't true. She did want him. She'd missed him terribly the past year, and now that he was here, she was pushing him away and not liking herself for it. But it was the never-knowing factor that helped her keep her distance. Never knowing if he could love her the way she'd dreamed of, of being cherished and needed, instead of a chain that locked him from his freedom.
Stefan could almost see the thoughts churning in her bottle-green eyes. "We can be friends first. No strings."
Alana arched a brow and looked pointedly at their daughter. "Fine, a tiny one."
"Just consider me a full-time baby-sitter for the next few weeks, okay? Though you don't baby-sit your own kids, you raise them."
If anything he said could have won her over, could have let him deeper into her life, that was it.
"Friends, then." It sounded hollow and lackluster to her. But that's what you wanted, right? a voice in her head whispered.
An hour and half later, Stefan stopped the car in front of her office. Alana glanced at her watch and sighed.
"You looked relaxed," he said.
"I am. Thank you, Stefan. Lunch was wonderful."
He smiled, pushing back the urge to touch her.
Alana looked into the back seat, smiling. "Well, she's wiped out."
He strained to see. Juliana's dress was rumpled and her knees were dirty from trying to crawl all over the park. "She's amazing."
He turned his head a fraction. Alana's face was within an inch of his. And if he moved a fraction, their lips would meet. The temptation was eating him alive.
"Thank you for her, Alana."
Her eyes glossed a bit "You took part"
"Yeah, but I didn't carry her for nine months alone. I didn't suffer pain to get her here so I could love her."
He eased back a bit and gently brushed a strand of hair off Alana's face. "Someday you'll tell me all about it? I hate that I've missed so much."
Missed so much of you, he thought. Of being the first one to know about the baby, of seeing Alana grow round with their child and being there to hold her when she was scared.
"Yeah, someday." Someday, Alana thought, she'd show him the video her father had taken during her pregnancy and the birth. The latter being something she wasn't ready to share with anyone just yet.
She turned away and opened the car door. He was there in an instant offering a hand. Her fingers slid easily into his and he tugged. "See you at home?" she asked.
His gaze raked her features. "Yeah. We'll be there."
He swore he wasn't going to do it, swore he'd back off, but he couldn't resist. She was taking his breath away by the second and he needed to touch her. Over the rim of the car door, he leaned and brushed his mouth over hers.
"Stefan," she whispered, and there was no protest in her tone.
He didn't touch her anywhere else, just applied a bit of pressure, his lips sweeping gently over hers. Alana made a tight little sound in the back of her throat worrying his mouth, reveling in the taste of him. It was an aphrodisiac, a drug swimming through her system and making her want to be addicted to him. She could do that so easily. This, with Stefan, was always good.
Gently he pulled back, his breathing a little faster, his eyes a little softer. A fractured smile curved his lips as if he'd just learned something he'd already known. He rubbed his thumb across her lower lip.
"See you later." He stepped back and moved to the driver's side.
Alana couldn't move. Instead, she stared at him across the top of the car, then forced herself to turn and walk into the building. Her steps were a little less steady and her pulse was… well, out of control.
Oh man, she thought, pushing through the revolving doors and ignoring the glances from the staff as she walked to her office. She went immediately inside, closed the door and dropped into her chair.
Oh man, oh man, oh man, she thought, pressing her forehead to the desk and letting out a long shaky breath.