Chapter 199 ~The Difference Between Them~

Chapter 199 ~The Difference Between Them~
Aria's POV

I had not been myself since the day Darius apologized. His words sat with me in ways I had not expected. Days had passed and I still found myself crying at odd moments, without any real provocation, tears just slipping free while I was folding laundry or staring out my window at nothing in particular.
Goodness. I'd heard his apology, every word of it, and now I didn't know what to do with it. No matter how hard I tried to hold onto my anger, my thoughts kept returning to the same problem which was that he too had been manipulated. Camille had fed him lies and he had believed them. I did not know if it was right to keep holding the full weight of those choices against him when he had not been acting with a clear mind. I also didn't know if that thought was fair to myself, considering everything it had cost me regardless of who had orchestrated it.
The thought followed me through the days and left me unsettled.
I could tell Maeve was worried about me. She'd started watching me more closely over the past few days, offering to sit with me even when I hadn't asked her to, bringing me tea I didn't finish and leaving it there anyway. It didn't sit right with me, being the cause of that kind of worry in someone who had already been through so much herself. But I never came around to actually addressing it, too tangled up in my own head to explain something I didn't fully understand myself yet.
I was sitting by the window in my room when Vivian knocked and let herself in without waiting for an answer.
"You don't look well," she said, taking me in with a critical eye as she crossed the room.
I shrugged, not particularly interested in discussing it. "I'm fine."
"Would a drink help?" she asked, settling into the chair across from me. "I could have something sent up."
"No, thank you." I studied her for a moment, noting the careful way she held herself, like she was working up to something. "Is something the matter?"
She let out a small breath and moved to take the seat beside me instead, close enough that our shoulders nearly touched. "I wanted to apologize again," she said quietly. "For everything. My daughter's actions, and my own failure to act sooner than I did, before so much damage was done.”
I considered her for a long moment before answering. "I don't think you owe me an apology," I said, and meant it. "You were also a victim who went through a lot at the hands of your own daughter. You were acting out of fear so I understand.”
As the words left my mouth, another thought rose behind them. Wasn't Darius also a victim then? He had not set out to destroy me for sport. If I could accept Vivian’s apology on those grounds, was I being unfair by continuing to hold Darius at such a distance?
“Thank you so much, Aria.” Vivian said. Her eyes grew glassy and she reached over to squeeze my hand briefly before letting go. “There's something else though, it's about your father."
I felt my shoulders tighten a fraction, but I kept my face even. "What about him?"
“He's been struggling, Aria, way more than he lets anyone see." She continued. "His guilt is eating away at him. I know you have every reason to be angry but I've watched it wear him down these past weeks. I think, in his own way, he's genuinely remorseful and so I'm asking you to consider speaking with him, or at least to leave a door open."
I pulled my hand back gently, my jaw tightening. "His guilt is about him, Vivian. In all the time he has been carrying this guilt,” I said, “has he bothered to ask how I'm actually doing? Has he asked what those months did to me, or whether I am recovering, or what I needed after everything? Or is the suffering still mainly about how the guilt feels to him?”
Vivian's face fell, though she didn't argue the point outright. "He feels terrible about everything, Aria."
"I don't doubt that but I am not going to be responsible for easing his conscience or helping him through his self-pity.”
“I understand,” she said solemnly. “Will you at least take time to think about it? I will not push further today.”
I sat with the question for a long moment, genuinely unsure of the answer. "I need time," I said finally. "I can't give you an answer right now, and I don't want to pretend otherwise just to make this conversation easier for either of us."
Vivian nodded slowly, accepting that without pushing further, which I appreciated more than I let on. "Take whatever time you need," she said. "I won't bring it up again until you're ready."
She squeezed my hand one final time before standing to leave, and I sat there afterward, alone with the window and my own unsettled thoughts, no closer to any real answers than I'd been before she arrived.