Chapter 197 The Apology I Needed

Chapter 197 The Apology I Needed
Aria's POV

I found Darius waiting outside the small sitting room near the eastern wing and paused when I saw him. After what happened in the council room, I'd known this conversation was coming eventually. I just hadn't expected him to seek me out so soon.
He came closer when he noticed me. "Aria, I would like to speak with you,” he said, stopping a respectful distance away. “If you will only allow it.”
I looked up at him, and for a long moment I said nothing at all, weighing the request honestly instead of reacting the way I usually did. Because who was I kidding? I needed to hear whatever he had to say just as badly as he wanted to say them.
I'd been putting it off for a long while now, telling myself that I did not need anything from him, that the distance was better. However, standing there looking at him, I finally admitted the truth to myself. I needed an apology from Darius. Not because it would fix anything, but just to feel at ease with myself.
"Fine," I said. "Let's talk."
He let out a breath, like he hadn't expected me to actually agree, and took a seat on the far end of a couch, leaving enough space between us that I didn't feel crowded.
I kept my eyes on him and said nothing, resisting the urge to wring my hands together.
Darius was silent for several seconds and he looked as though he was trying to arrange his words properly before speaking. “I wanted to apologize for everything Aria.” He muttered, his tone laced with sincerity.
“And I'm really glad you gave me this chance even though you didn't have to.” he let out a deep sigh and looked down at his hands for a moment before continuing. I found that weird because I'd never seen him nervous before. “Look, I know those things are already done. I know saying I'm sorry doesn't change any of them but I need you to know that I understand what I did wrong."
He took a slow breath.
"I chose Camille's word over yours more times than I can count. Every single time you tried to tell me something was wrong, I looked past you and believed her instead, even when you gave me no real reason not to trust you. That was unacceptable."
I stayed quiet, my hands folded tightly in my lap.
"I let you be cast out," he continued. "I didn't question her enough… I didn't question anything enough. I told myself I was being fair, being neutral, weighing both sides evenly, but that wasn't true. I'd already made up my mind before you ever had the chance to defend yourself."
He paused there, and I could see him trying to hold himself together, his jaw tightening slightly before he spoke again. "I should have protected you… and the baby. I'm so sorry Aria."
My chest seized at the words, and I forced myself to keep breathing evenly, to keep my face as still as I could manage even though something inside me had already started to crack.
"I'm sorry for everything I said to you then," he continued, his voice dropping lower, rougher now. "Accusing you falsely when you were grieving someone I should have been grieving right alongside you. I knew, even then, some part of me knew how wrong that was but I remained cowardly and did nothing. I let you go through the worst thing that ever happened to you completely alone, and worse than alone, I made you feel like it was your fault. Like you'd done something to deserve it."
His voice cracked slightly on the last few words, and I watched his hands curl into loose fists on his knees. "I don't expect you to forgive me for anything," he said. "I don't think I'd forgive myself if I were you. But I needed you to know that I understood exactly what I did, all of it, not just the parts that were easy to admit. I'm not asking you to say anything right now. I just needed you to hear it properly, from me."
He fell silent after that, and for a long moment neither of us said anything at all.
"I'll wait," he added eventually, quieter than before. "However long it takes for your forgiveness. If it's never, I understand that too, and I won't push you for more than you're willing to give. I just wanted you to know where I stand."
I sat there with my hands still folded in my lap, my throat too tight to speak. My chest felt full in a way I hadn't expected, something between vindication and grief tangled together so much that I couldn't separate one from the other. Tears blurred my vision before I could stop them, and I blinked hard, refusing to let them fall in front of him even now.
It was completely overwhelming. The apology, the admission, the specificity of it all weighed a little heavier than I'd expected it to. I'd waited for everyone to realize they were wrong for so long but now that it had finally happened, my chest hurt and I didn't know what to do.
The pressure behind my eyes and in my chest made the space feel smaller. So I stood up before I could think better of it, my legs unsteady beneath me.
"Aria?" His voice came out uncertain, watching me with something close to fear in his expression, like he thought he'd made things worse by saying any of it.
I didn't answer because there was no way that I could without my voice breaking apart or my tears spilling over and I wasn't ready to be so vulnerable in front of him. I turned and headed for my room, putting distance between us as quickly as I could manage without breaking into a run.