Chapter 60 Forgive me
SOMA
I want to believe I’m overthinking it, but when Jade enters my room on Sunday morning without alerting me, my suspicions are confirmed. She enters the bathroom without trying to wake me up, and my eyes smart with tears.
Yesterday, she had everything set up before I woke up, taking flight the moment my eyes opened. Sure, she showed up for lunch and dinner. But last weekend, she’d spent the entirety of it with me, only disappearing to the dorm in the evening. It seems she’s about to do the same again today.
While I want to be mad, I don’t think I have the right to be. They hurt her because of me, and I did nothing about it. What can I even do? Brynne hasn’t mentioned the favor, and I don’t want to be in his debt.
If the room Jade came out of is truly Tristan’s, then he’s also not a good person. None of them is. But their actions don’t sting as much as Sienna’s refusal to help.
As Jade steps out of the bathroom, I sit up and wave, hoping she’ll notice something is different. But she flinches, and my hand lowers. What did he do to her?
“My lady,” she murmurs, evading my gaze. “Good morning.”
“Morning, Jade.”
As she steps further into the room, her head stays down. “Breakfast is ready. Do you want me to bring it up?”
“No, I’ll eat downstairs.”
She nods. “If that’s all for now, I’ll take my leave.”
“Oh. You’re not staying?” I ask in a whisper, fisting the duvet. This is what I mean. She wants nothing to do with me anymore. “Have you eaten?”
“Not yet, my lady, but I’ll eat in the dorm once I’m done studying. Do I have your permission to leave now?”
No. But when my mouth opens, I say, “Of course.”
The door closes quietly behind her, and I fall back to the bed. Minutes later, I drag myself to the bathroom. Maybe Jade needs time away from the house. I should give her a break. After all, there are people to handle the chores.
Since it’s Sunday, I take my time getting ready. There’s no one downstairs when I arrive for breakfast. I cherish the silence until the sound of footsteps breaks it. It takes a while for the person to show up, and I swallow back the hurt when Sienna appears. It makes no sense that I’m upset when we aren’t friends, but I can’t hide my disappointment.
“Hey,” she chirps. “Heard you got Jade back.”
“Yeah.”
With her sitting on my right, the food loses its taste, and my appetite vanishes. My chair scrapes the floor as I rise to my feet. My food isn’t finished, but I don’t want to stay here and pretend like we’re cool or share the same beliefs.
“Enjoy your food,” I mutter. “Take care.”
“You’re leaving?” Her eyes widen, and she points at my plate. I feel bad for letting it go to waste, but the guilt isn’t enough for me to sit back down. “But your food…”
“Study,” I say, borrowing Jade’s words. “I have to study.”
“Okay. I can bring it up to your room.”
“No,” I blurt out, startling both of us. I wave off her offer, a fake smile stretching my lips. “I’m full. Thanks.”
Before she can say another word, I race upstairs. Sienna Rybak is just like her brothers, maybe not as cold, but not someone I want to be friends with, like I thought.
At least I have Helga. The second I enter my suite, I text her. I’ve come to learn she’s a ’studyholic’ who spends her weekends with her nose buried in books, so I don’t invite her over. But when I mention Jade’s new behavior, she suggests a hangout.
A girls’ hangout. Me. Her. Jade. I’ve never had any female friends, let alone planned a hangout with them, but the idea has me shivering with excitement.
It will happen in my room. We’ll watch TV and ask the chef to prepare special delicacies for the three of us.
The idea sounds so marvelous until I bring it up to Jade the next morning, and her response is, “That’s inappropriate, my lady.”
It had been too long since she used that word with me that I put a foot back. Have I really lost my maid’s trust?
“What do you mean? Helga doesn’t care about status, and you know I don’t either,” I whisper. She says nothing, hiding her hands behind her back. Her silence fuels my guilt even more. “I’m sorry. If I hadn’t sent you back to the house, he wouldn’t have taken you.”
“My lady,” she breathes.
Our lecturer taught us to be calm in all situations, so I try to do that now, especially when she refuses to meet my gaze. But the emotional distance cuts deep into me.
“We should take a selfie,” I say. Her head snaps up, and I laugh, more at myself than her reaction. When we went to the security post, I didn’t have pictures of her. All I had were the first batch I took when I got the phone, but she hadn’t been looking at the camera in the pictures or videos, so the guards had to rely on my descriptions. She inches back, but I don’t let that deter me. “Let’s take a picture. It’s appropriate.”
She stands stiffly as I cover the gap between us, holding my phone up. The selfie is an excuse to get closer to her, so I curl an arm around her shoulders and whisper, “I’ll do better in the future, Jadey. I promise. Forgive me.”
Our faces appear on my screen, and I flash a smile, waiting for her to do the same. Her smile slowly forms, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. But I capture it anyway.
It takes four selfies before Jade’s smile grows genuine. I switch the camera, taking full pictures of her, and then she does the same for me. All done, I hug her. She returns it, but it lacks the warmth I know. Still, it’s a big progress.
Bounding to the bathroom door, I tell her, “I need to go prepare now, or we’ll be late. We can eat breakfast here.”
“My lady.” Her tone has me whipping around to face her. “Is it okay if I don’t attend lectures with you today?”
“Why?” Before she can reply, I fake a laugh. “What am I even saying? You want to stay back and study on your own, right? That’s fine. You can stay here… or in the dorm.”
Her head bobs shakily, and I hurry into the bathroom. She needs space and time. I have to remember that. That’s why I don’t bother her when she refuses to eat with me.
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