Chapter 10 What I’m Willing to Be
The truth I don’t say out loud sits heavy between us. One day I might have to. One day, he’ll fall in love. For real. With someone chosen, someone proper, marry a noblewoman, build a future that doesn’t include a stray like me.
But right now?
This hill, this pack, this man beside me… it feels like home.
His face shows it all, relief tangled with doubt. “This could make things harder for you,” he says carefully. “Finding a husband, I mean.”
I shrug, trying to sound casual. “I’m not in a rush.” I’m open to something light. Something temporary. Whoever I end up with next doesn’t have to be my forever.
It could take years before I meet my mate. Years before fate finally decides to show its hand.
“It won’t be a problem,” I say, turning my gaze toward the horizon.
He frowns. “Why not?”
I let out a small laugh. “It’s already intimidating enough for anyone who shows interest when you’re around.” I glance at him sideways. “You should’ve seen their faces when they realized who I’m friends with.”
He smirks, clearly enjoying that thought.
“Besides,” I continue, shrugging, “I’m only going to settle when I meet my mate. And nothing — not titles, rumors, or you — can get in the way of that.”
“Fair enough,” he says, far too amused.
He secretly loves scaring my potential dates. I pretend not to notice.
I turn fully toward him then, my expression serious. “So yes. I’ll do it.” I hold his gaze. “But just so we’re clear, I’m not having sex with you.”
His reaction is instant, a bright, rare grin that transforms his whole face.
Cassain’s face splits into a grin so wide and unguarded that it almost catches me off balance. I don’t see that smile often, the real one, not the polite Alpha version he wears for everyone else.
“I know,” he chuckles, stretching out on the grass until his elbows dig into the earth. “Relax” Then he adds, almost casually, “No one else can ever know, though.”
I gasp dramatically, pressing a hand to my chest. “Oh no. Whatever will become of my reputation?” I sigh like I’m on the verge of ruin. “People are going to assume I’m warming your bed every night.”
He rolls his eyes, but the corner of his mouth twitches, betraying him. He’s amused—no matter how hard he tries to hide it. “You’re impossible.”
If anyone should be worried, it’s me.
I’m the one with very limited experience, and he, well, apparently he’s a local legend. He’s the alleged sex god, or at least he claims to be.
The only proof I’ve seen is that one girl I ran into once, sneaking out of his room at sunrise, tiptoeing like she was escaping a crime scene, cheeks red and hair a mess. That image alone is… convincing.
I believe the rumors, though. Anyone with eyes would.
“Very funny,” he mutters.
“I thought so,” I say sweetly.
He tips his head back and closes his eyes, letting out a long breath. The tension seems to melt off him all at once, and I realize just how long he’s been carrying this weight alone. The pressure. The responsibility. The fear of losing control.
Suddenly, I want to lighten the mood.
“Can I tell you something?” I ask.
His eyes open again, curious. “Yeah. Of course.”
“I’m not a virgin.”
He jerks upright so fast I almost laugh. His dark eyes widen, as if I’ve just confessed to a crime.
“What?” he blurts.
Heat rushes to my face when his gaze drifts over me, curious and searching, like he’s searching for evidence written on my skin.
“I—uh—I snuck a guy into my room once.” I wince. Saying it out loud somehow makes it worse. “It was a terrible decision.”
His lips curl into a grin, clearly entertained. “When did this happen?”
“About a year ago,” I groan. “Once. Just once. And it was awful.” I groan, pressing my palms into the grass. “Truly awful.”
He laughs, shaking his head, and for a moment, everything feels easy again.
I let out a breathy laugh and shake my head. “I downed a shot of something strong, let my nerves do the rest, and allowed myself to be talked into it.”
Cassain raises a brow, already suspicious.
“I snuck him into my room,” I continue, staring hard at a patch of grass like it holds the secrets of the universe. “I was so ready. So convinced this was something I needed to get over with.” I pause, then wince. “The whole thing lasted maybe… fifteen seconds.”
Silence.
Then Cassain presses a hand to his chest like I’ve physically wounded him. “And you didn’t tell me?”
I snort. “I thought you’d be furious.”
“I’m not furious,” he says quickly, but there’s a flicker in his eyes I don’t miss. Something colder. Controlled. “You’re allowed to be with whoever you want.”
“Oh, am I?” I tease lightly.
His smile turns sharp. “What was his name again?”