Chapter 118 — No point living

DEVYN’S POV.

My whole world stopped as I held Gina in my arms. It all happened in a flash. With shaky hands, I pulled the blade out of her heart, and my heart sank deeper when she bled more.

I pressed a hand to her bloodied chest, trying to stop the bleeding while I caressed her hair with my other hand.

“Stay with me, please, stay with me,” was all I kept mumbling. Her amber gaze held mine, but she wasn't there… she wasn't looking. My heart twisted painfully as I felt her heartbeat slow against my palm.

Standing on my feet, I carried her in my arms. She felt heavier than usual, her head fell back and her arms sagged lifelessly as I ran. She was still alive, though her heartbeat was faint. There was still a chance to save her.

The fight had stopped as the monsters fell dead, probably because their master was dead, but I couldn’t care less… reviving her was the only thing on my mind. I never took my eyes off her face, hoping for some sort of miracle, to see those eyes come back to life.

I summoned the doctor and when I got to my room, he was already there. Quickly, I placed her on the bed and watched as the doctor tried to revive her.

She was going to live past this. She was going to fight because that was who she was…a fighter.

I tried to distract myself as I turned my back to put on my pants. My breaths came out labored as my whole body quaked violently.

Everywhere was quiet, and all that could be heard was my breathing, and the doctor’s. My gut wrenched and my chest burned with each breath. I felt like I was going insane. I wasn't going to look till I heard her voice.

The door burst open and Liam and Kristen walked in. Their worried gaze met mine and shifted to Gina. A hush lingered as tension thickened the air, but when Kristen cried out, my knees turned to jelly, and I suddenly wanted to fall.

I clenched my fists, determined to not look till I heard her or felt her touch. Kristen was probably crying out of fear because Gina wasn’t gone. I could feel her fighting.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and that’s when I turned to look, meeting Liam’s glazed gaze. He didn't say anything, because he didn't have to… I already knew.

My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest and pierced with a thousand silver blades.

She was gone.

My head felt dizzy as I turned to look at her. I drew in a sharp breath when I saw her. I didn't realize I staggered as I walked to her side, with my gaze never leaving her face. Her complexion had taken on a pale color and her rosy lips lost their hue. Her eyes were closed, and her hands laid by her sides, unmoving. My gaze shifted to her chest which never rose or fell rhythmically to show evidence of life.

She was gone.

I reached out to grab her hand, and her touch felt as cold as ice, making my body shudder. Her hand had already lost the familiar warmth I had felt so many times.

She was gone.

I held my breath as I traced her beautiful face with my fingers, down to her mouth that was always up for a challenge, to her lips I loved to kiss.

She was gone, because of me. I let myself get hurt and almost killed, distracting her as she’d done everything to heal me. She had fought desperately to save me, even though death was directly behind her.

She knew this but still went ahead with it, not giving a shit about herself. She laid her life down for me like a carpet.

I raised her hand to my lips and placed a kiss on the back of her hand. Reality was too hard for me to grasp. I lost everything; my whole world, and now there was nothing else to live for.

Someone gripped my pants, and I didn’t realize it was Kristen kneeling on the ground until she cried out.

“Bring her back! Bring my Gina back!”

I looked down at her tear-stained face, and my heart twisted. The whole scene reminded me of the woman who had lost her child, who had begged at my feet like I had the power to resurrect. This time it felt different, because I too needed someone to plead with, someone to cling to their feet desperately, as I cried to them to bring her back to me.

Liam managed to pull her away from my feet.

“Please, leave. I need to be alone,” I didn’t recognize my own voice as it escaped my mouth. It quaked, the overbearing pain evident, as the words hurt my throat.

They understood and didn't speak. Soon the room was empty, and I was left with her. Looking at her face, realization dawned on me for the thousandth time, and I felt all the pain at once.

It was tormenting.

I wished I could feel the poison I felt back at Transylvania coursing through my veins. It would be better than this, and maybe it would numb me till I couldn't feel this pain anymore. I was alive, yet I felt like I was dying.

Defeated, I fell on my knees beside the bed, and gripped both her hands in mine, bringing them to my lips.

“Please come back to me. I’m begging you,” I intertwined her fingers as I placed desperate kisses on her hand, “It's so fucking hard without you, Gina. It's unbearable. You’re everything I'm living for.”

But I was only speaking to myself.

I pressed my face to her bleeding chest, and it all came crashing down on me like a tsunami.

For the first time, I cried. When my mother died, I couldn't cry and I thought my tear ducts had ruptured. But now everything came down on me, and I cried an ocean.

Tears streamed down my eyes as my body shook with sobs, my cries drowning out the silence in the room. The weight of her death pressed upon me and I felt suffocated, leaving me gasping for breath in the void she had left behind.

There wasn't any point in living anymore if the reason I chose to live in the first place was gone.

I don't know how long I knelt, crying into her bleeding chest, but when I got on my feet, I already made a decision.

No… it was a decision I made a long time ago.