Who he really was

LOGAN

The full moon hit its peak, spreading out its glow over the sky, shining down on me, and illuminating every inch of the forest.

It was the annual full moon sprint that takes place every first moon of the year. It's a ritual for just the Alpha-princes and their Betas. Not just for the packs in the region but for every werewolf pack that exists. It was for the brotherhood, tightens our bond, and remains a constant reminder of who we are and what we represent.

We take turns hosting the sprints and this year, it was our turn to host it. Silver Pack hosts it better actually, don't wanna brag but the heated noise from the forest was proof enough. They can never get enough of the heat we bring into it.

Loud howlings rippled into the night again, scaring off the wild animals that lived in the forest. It was the howls from most of the Alphas and Betas in attendance. They were in an endless, bloody sprint, and their massive claws pouncing on the earth made it tremble like there was gonna be an earthquake. It wasn't just a sprint, they get into brawls too, go real physical with each other, try to see who takes out the other. But it was all in good spirit, all for the brotherhood.

A twig snapped as it came in contact with my ripped body. I was back in my human form now, I'd taken a little sprint but my mind keeps wandering off so I forfeited.

I spotted a little rock in a corner and went to place my butt on it. I lost my shirt somewhere in the forest so I'm left with just my dusty pants. My hair was disheveled and fallen to my face in wet locks. It was rapidly dripping down beads of sweat.

It was days like today that make me rue the day I got rid of my pink hair and dyed my hair black. Ever since I did that, my hair seems to be accumulating more heat and gets easily itchy.

But then again, I don't regret it. I'm no high-schooler anymore. I'm a 24-year-old man now. And you hardly see a real man rocking pink hair, except they wanna get the girls drooling over them or they are high on trends. I've already sworn off girls and taking it easy on the trends.

It's been five years already. As the years came, they brought tremendous changes with them. When I left high school, I was forced to let go of so many things and habits. I got rid of my pink hair, I burned my thousand hairy coats, and I was rocking leather jackets now. Had to go low on bling, quit the bullying, and learned courtesy for a start.

Not gonna lie, it wasn't easy to let go of all that, but College life came with a wave of transition and I was swept off my feet by it. I was forced to evolve and my position as the future Alpha made me badly wanna right my wrongs. It's been five long years of revamping my personality, and so far, I can say I've done quite a job.

The howling came again but this time, it was a victory howl. The sprint was over. We have a winner. Sooner or later, they guys are gonna down here to get me. I had just a few minutes of solitude and then I'm back into the buzz.

I gave in to my urge and reached for the piece of paper in my back pocket. My hands smeared the edges of the paper with dirt and I tried to wipe it off.

The indistinct chattering propped me into action and I quickly returned the paper to my pocket. I can always read it later. Don't wanna get caught brooding over a piece of paper.

The guys came into sight and they were in the company of our closest buddies, Alpha Princes of the greatest pack in Russia and the greatest pack in Spain. Haven't seen them all holidays. My face widened in smiles as they drew nearer.

“Me divertí esta noche, todo gracias, hombre. (Spanish for 'I had fun tonight, all thanks you, man).“ Alejandro said, as he shook hands with me and we bro-hugged. He was the Alpha-prince of the greatest pack in Spain. His Beta, Javier, was standing next to him, and he gave me a curt nod.

“Me alegro de que te haya encantado. Gracias por venir, hombre (Spanish for 'I'm glad you loved it. Thanks for coming, man.')

“Говорил тебе, что мы победим. Вы все кучка неудачников,“ (Russian for 'Told you we were gonna win. Y'all bunch of losers,') Dimitri started with a banter, as we bumped knuckles.

Oh, so we lost. Well, It's all good. I wasn't huge on winning this year, if I was, I wouldn't have forfeited. But then again, my Betas and I are still the legendary champs, we've bagged the greatest victories in the sprints.

I glanced at the guys and they had worried streaks on their faces. What could be the matter? I was gonna mind-link them but my gaze drifted to Jake and my smiles vanished. He was subtly rubbing at his temples and I knew just what the matter was.

The guys lost because Jake was having another one of his headaches, he might have forfeited in the middle of the sprint or got knocked out and he couldn't get back up because of the throbbing in his head.

Either way, he still was in pain and was trying hard to hide it from the visitors. I had to look away from him, so I don't point the attention his way.

Too late, I guess, because Dimitri kinda caught on, ”Is he okay?“ He asked, in his heavy Russian accent, pointing at Jake. ”He seems to be in pain,“

“Nah, he's fine. Just tired,“ Drake chirped in rather quickly, putting a hand around Jake's shoulder.

“I hope you enjoy your victory because that's gonna be your last,” I retorted to his banter, taking his attention off Jake.

“Вы просто блефуете,“ (Russian for 'You just bluffing')

“Ах, да? Тогда попробуй выиграть в следующем году,“ (Russian for 'Oh yeah? Try winning next year then',) I smirked, and he went speechless. The guys and I laughed out loud at the look of defeat on his face. For someone who was mouthing off about his victory, he went rather silent quickly.

Silver Pack remains the greatest pack in the world of werewolves. We had the strength, the wealth, and the better warriors and coordination than any other werewolf pack that existed. More than that, I remain the most outstanding Alpha-Prince amongst all others from different packs. I'm the only Alpha who speaks all foreign languages and understands all. The only Alpha with extraordinary abilities, that no other Alpha possesses. The only Alpha with three Betas, every other Alpha has just one Beta. But I can't do without my three Betas, we are kinda wired together and need each other to function properly. I've always stood on a pedestal above my peers and it inflated my ego back in my teenage days. But now, I try to associate with them, without making any condescending comments or making anyone feel inferior. Aside from our jokes, we got each other's backs.

I looked over Dimitri's shoulder and the guy standing next to him was unfamiliar. “Who is he?“

“Uh, yeah. This is my Beta, Igor. It's his first time to the sprints,” Dimitri introduced proudly.

The Igor guy stepped forward, stretching a hand for a shake. He was lanky but looked like he was around our age.

“It's an honor to finally meet you, Master Logan,”

”It's an honor to meet you too, Igor. And it's just Logan. No need for formalities. We all equal,“

”Wow, that's surprising. I mean, the last time I checked, you don't wanna be addressed without the 'Master' title,”

I whizzed at his words, although he'd said them lightly and they were supposed to come off as jokes, they burned right where it hurts. Made me remember. I didn't wanna remember.

“Yes, I guess I did,” I forced a laugh, ruffling my hair. ”But before you put the ropes around my neck, didn't we all get mischievous at some point while growing up?“

“We sure did,“ Alejandro laughed and went on to narrate his many escapades. Dimitri followed suit and it was one big, reminiscing moment.

Our waves of laughter echoed into the night and soon, we were all oddly quiet.

”Those damn days,“ Alejandro sighed, taking out the bottles of beer from the bucket they brought and handing each of us a bottle.

“Maybe someday, we get to come clean about the struggles of growing up as a future Alpha or Beta. We strive to meet a certain standard and fall right into depression when we feel like we ain't good enough,“ Dimitri said.

Igor held out a joint and motioned at me to light it up.

“Nah, I don't smoke,“

“Just joints or you don't smoke at all?” He asked, bewildered by my words.

“I don't smoke at all. Got nothing to do with principles tho. I'm just not cut out for it,“ I said. Alejandro and Dimitri would never ask me to light their joints. They are both well-informed.

He nodded and held out the joint to Drake who lit it up.

”Well, I gotta keep myself distracted and smoking does the trick for me,” Igor said as he blew out the smoke into the air. “Joints. Women. Drinks. Music. That's what keeps a man sane,“

“Yeah, the joints work for me too,” Alejandro stated, “Sometimes, I'm haunted by the memories of the pretty awful things I did during my teenage days. We could blame it on the struggles, but nothing excuses what we did. We were assholes who preyed on innocent pups. That's a fact,”

This is what they call the 'raw truth', and it was pricking hard on my conscience. Because what I did was unthinkable, I ruined her life and left her to die. That's always gonna be a fact, and no matter how hard I try not to remember, my sins are always gonna haunt me.

In a draught, I gulped down my drink, letting it burn hard on my soul. I feel Charles' hands on my shoulder and I know he noticed my agony.

”I'm okay,“ I muttered to him. But I wasn't. And he knew that, so he didn't take his hand off. He was always there to comfort me, but most times, I didn't want the comfort. I wanted to go through as much pain, so that maybe someday, I'll be convinced that I've suffered enough, and then I can finally forgive myself. Because I haven't, and I don't know if I ever will.

We had a few more drinks and returned to the pack house. Our guests stayed on the left wing of the house and I crashed with the guys on the right. We all leave tomorrow.

”I'll go ahead and get some rest,“ Jake muttered, walking past the living room and heading upstairs to where the bedrooms were.

“Dude, you sure you okay?” I asked. I was worried. Jake was slowly turning into a goddamned introvert and it all started with that headache. It comes and goes, and at first, I thought it was just nothing, but now, I'm not so sure anymore.

“Yeah, man. You collapsed right in your tracks. Went through another forceful shift,“ Drake said, holding the rails of the staircase, fixing his keen gaze on Jake.

A forceful shift. When your human form forces its way out against the will of your wolf. It's a rather painful experience, as you get caught in the middle of the fight between your wolf and your human form.

In your wolf form, you gotta keep your mind fixed. When it's shaken by fear, or over excitement, you get thrown off balance and is forced to shift. The problem doesn't lie in the shifting. It lies in the pains that follow. The spasms that hit the bones later on, that's the real hell.

“I'm fine. Just need to get some rest,“ he replied blandly and headed up. Drake went after him and it was just Charles and me in the living room.

I settled on the couch, straightening out on it and placing my head on the handrest.

”Are you gonna be crashing here tonight?“ Charles took a seat on the opposite couch. He takes out a cigarette and lights it up, puffing the ring of smoke in the air,

“Anywhere is better than going home. You know how it gets with Father and I,“

“Running away won't fix anything, man. You know that. Sooner or later, you gonna have to face him,“

“I can't bear to see him right now. A father who doesn't wanna give his son a chance. What good is he?” I snorted.

“If you put it that way, you make him seem like the villain when everything was all your fault. You rejected Daisy, you broke her. It was all you. All your father ever did was to make sure you don't see her again,“

I shut my eyes at his words, placing my arm over my forehead. I wasn't in the mood to talk about rights and wrongs. I'm already depressed enough, don't wanna be pushed off the edge.

“Goodnight,“ He retreated, going up the stairs too. Thank Goddess he gave it a rest.

With him gone, I turned up the stereo, and the soft tone of 'if I would have known' by Kyle Homes filled the room. One thing that also changed over the years was my taste in music. I used to be a sucker for heavy metals, but since the depression hit, I found myself snuggling up to the soft, sad blues.

I took out the paper from my pocket and went through the lines again. It was the remake story of Medusa written by Daisy five years ago. After Charles submitted it, I sneaked it out and it's been with me since then. It was the only piece of her I had left, and I took it with me every I went.

She's been in Spain and had ventured into writing sad romance books. Now, she was a best-seller and has made quite a fanbase for herself. She wasn't the naive Daisy anymore. She was the writer the whole world loves. Dimitri was a die-hard fan and Alejandro fantasizes about how to make her his Luna. Sometimes, I wanna knock his teeth off but I got no right to do that. My late feelings for her don't erase all the horrible things I did to her. And no matter how hard I change, it's never gonna undo my rejection.

I did take the risk and journeyed to Spain many times to see her. But I never got to see her. Later, I found out it was Father that was keeping her out of my reach.

Father won't let me see her again, and that was the agonizing thing about her departure. Beta Xariel was always around her when I show up, and if it wasn't him, then it was Mr. Lawrence. And then for some reason, I get chased off. Knowing where she is but unable to get to her. That's the real reason behind my misery.

Just this year left and I'll be out of college and return permanently to the pack. Returning without a mate was a possibility I dreaded. And there goes my wishful thinking again – it's back to school tomorrow, I hope she shows up as a transfer student. There was a great chance of this happening as most werewolves in the region and beyond flock to my school for their college education. Mainly because a werewolf built the school many years ago, even though he kept his identity a secret, we still heard the story. So we kinda feel a sense ownership to the school, and yeah, that's why I think there's a chance of her showing up there. Or maybe, I bump into her in the streets or she comes for a fan meeting or whatever it is celebrities do. I just wanna be able to see and talk to her.

Tell her I'm sorry and that I needed her back, no matter what it's gonna take. A life without Daisy in it is sad, gloomy, and hell. I'm so stupid to have realized that a little too late.