CHAPTER 59

AVA'S POV.

The days that followed my confrontation with Alpha Mark were the toughest days I have ever faced in my entire life, it was nothing to write home about.

I don't think I have ever felt the pain that surged through my body presently in my whole existence, not even when I got accused of cheating and banished from the pack, the pain I felt can't even be compared.

Not to talk about the one I felt when I had to raise the twins all by myself and struggle to make ends meet, that was a whole lot of heartbreak, but it can't even match up to how I am feeling now.

I felt like my world was about to end, I felt my breath slipping slowly out of me, I felt my soul completely gone from my body, and my body was just an empty container.

I have found myself withdrawing from almost everything and everyone, including the kids.

I barely step out of my room, I wake up and roll endlessly in thoughts, gnashing my teeth till I fall back to sleep.

Not want to be completely absent from my children's lives as I know they need me more and more each day.

I occasionally muster the courage to spend a few minutes with them after school, talk a little with them, or silently help them to do their assignment before disappearing back into my room.

I didn't mean for any of this to happen, allowing my heartbreak to take over my entire existence and wallowing in the pains that came with it to the extent that I now neglect my family, but I don't have a choice, I can't control it no matter how hard I have tried.

And the more reason why I stopped trying to show up during the tough time I was in was because Kenny and Kendall's faces did not fail to remind me of the situation, it felt like there was no breathing space for me, everything reminded me of my situation.

The pang of guilt and sadness that always struck me whenever I saw their innocent faces was one that I couldn't shake off, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was cry in front of the kids.

I think it is safe to say I am keeping my distance to avoid having an outburst of emotion that I can't control in front of them.

Along with the long list of things that have been playing out for days now, I wasn't feeding well, and it showed.

My eyes had sunk deep into their socket and further, into my skull, dark circular shades that did not fail to tell the tale of how I have also been having sleepless nights formed underneath my sunken eyes like bruises.

I have looked at the mirror several times completely unable to understand my gaunt, hollow face that stared back at me.

My collar bones were not left out as they protruded sharply, forming a deep well between them.

My rib cage was very much visible beneath my pale skin, and red bumps spread generously across the length of my face.

I felt like a shadow of myself.

On that particular day, lying helplessly on my bed as usual, Jane came to my room to tell me about breakfast being ready.

Since this wave of emotion that had washed me to the shore of my life, Jane had been the one feeling the gap for me, she provided both mutual and emotional support to the kids and took care of the house along with it all.

When I told her that I wasn't going to eat, which has become a norm, she didn't quietly slip out of my room as she usually does.

Instead, she sat at the edge of my bed and stared down at me with frustration and concern blaring from her eyes.

“Ma’am Ava, this isn't helping.” She started calmly.

“This attitude of yours wouldn't make things better. If anything, it is making everything worse and you are putting your heart at risk.”

I turned my back to her to face the wall, “I don't care, Jane, I don't care about the consequences of my action, I can't just deal with any of this right now.”

Jane sighed loudly, and there was a brief pause for some moment.

“The children are missing you, your withdrawal is dealing with them more than you can imagine.” She continued.

“They haven't been themselves for days now, they look all gloomy, and to make things worse they don't even talk to me or each other anymore.”

Her words about the kids not being their usual selves anymore and them not talking to each other slammed hard against my chest, but I remained silent, my throat tight with unshed tears.

It was a very devastating thing to hear. Kenny and Kendall never sat still for a minute, not even when they were sick.

So the fact that they are now probably as cold as Ice block means things are more serious than I know.

Jane leaned closer to me on the bed till I felt her warm breath grazing my shoulders.

“Ma’am I understand that you are hurting,” She sent on with her voice softened.

“But you shouldn't allow this to destroy you, you have to be strong for the kids, they need their mother.”

I swallowed hard in a bid to push down the lump I felt in my throat, “I am so tired of everything Jane, every single time I think things are getting better, something must happen to tear it all apart.” I replied weakly.

“I know, I have stuck around for too long not to know that, and I also know that running away from it isn't the solution, you have to face it,” Jane said, placing her hand gently on my shoulders.

I finally turned to look at her, my eyes flooded with tears that I could no longer hold back.

“What am I supposed to do?” I asked.

“Alpha Mark has been visiting ceaselessly, wanting to talk to you, but I told him that this isn't the right time for that as you need all the space you can get at this point.”

“Is talking to him the solution?”

“No Ma'am, you don't have to talk to him if you don't want to, I am just trying to fill you in on things that have been happening since you started locking up yourself in the four walls of your room,” Jane answered, running my shoulder.

“But why does this keep happening to me? Why has life decided to continuously treat me in such an unfair manner?” I questioned further with a trembling voice.

Jane slipped her hand underneath my head, her arm providing some sort of comfort to me.

“I don't have all the answers to that, Ma'am, but one thing I know is that you are stronger than this.

You have faced a lot of negative situations and come out strong so you should be able to handle this,” she said

“You have to….”