Chapter 69 Her Letter

Nathan's POV

I sat alone at my desk, staring at the glass of whiskey in front of me. The amber liquid swirled as I rotated the glass, reflecting my haggard face. I took another sip, letting the alcohol numb my thoughts.

Since learning that Rachel knew about my plan to kill her, I couldn't work properly, let alone sleep.

The knowledge that she'd rather jump off a cliff than return to me cut through my heart like a blade.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Gina stormed in, her eyes flashing gold with anger.

"Nathan!" Her voice was sharp and furious.

I looked up, my eyes dull and empty. "I thought you were heading back to our pack."

Gina stepped forward, her gaze falling on the bottle in front of me, her fury becoming more evident. "What I do is none of your business! Tyler told me everything. How much have you had to drink?"

"Do you need something from me?" My voice was low and detached as I played with the glass in my hand, refusing to meet my sister's eyes.

Gina slammed her hand on the desk, causing whiskey to splash out of the glass. "I need you to stop all the stupid shit you're doing, okay? There's a war going on out there, border villages are being attacked, and you're—"

I suddenly stood up. "I'm what? I haven't missed a single battle report, haven't made any irrational decisions. I've been handling every responsibility just fine. So can all of you just leave me the hell alone?!"

She'll never understand. I'm the reason Rachel is dead. How can I move past that?!

The air in the room grew heavy with the release of Alpha energy. Gina took half a step back under my glare but quickly regained her footing, her gaze fierce.

"I know she's gone, and you need to move on! Look at you, you're a mess!" Gina shouted.

"Watch how you speak to me, Gina," I growled, alcohol clouding my judgment.

Gina's eyes reddened with anger, and she stepped forward. "Or what? You'll send us away again, like you did years ago? Or renounce your mate bond like you did at 21 when you swore to the Moon Goddess?!"

"How did any of that help you, Nathan? It didn't! If you hadn't sent me to school abroad, maybe our stepfather wouldn't have done what he did to you, and you wouldn't have had to face him alone! If you hadn't given up your mate bond, maybe you would have realized how important Rachel was..."

I opened my mouth to argue but found myself speechless. My brain was a fog of alcohol and pain, with every past decision now in question. Had all my choices been wrong?

When I reached for my glass again, Gina grabbed it first and downed the contents in one gulp.

"So fucking pull yourself together, Nathan, and let go of your past!" she roared, tears glistening in her eyes.

I glanced at her before looking away, my voice barely audible. "She hated me..."

Gina's eyes widened in surprise. "What are you talking about?! You knew Rachel. Do you think she was that kind of person?"

I shook my head, my gaze falling on the still-unopened letter on the desk. "But she must have hated me."

Gina followed my gaze and said incredulously, "You still haven't read it?!"

She straightened up, sneering, "If that's what you really think, then you never knew her at all, you coward!"

I don't get it. What does she mean?

The castle was immersed in darkness, with only moonlight filtering through the windows, bathing everything in a silver glow.

The effects of alcohol were beginning to wear off, but sleep still eluded me. I tossed and turned, my thoughts churning like waves in a storm.

Finally, I sat up, my eyes once again drawn to the envelope on the table. I could make out Rachel's familiar handwriting, could almost smell her faint scent emanating from the paper.

What would she say? I wondered. Would there be words of anger and hatred? Would she call me a monster?

Then I thought, perhaps Gina was right. Rachel was too gentle for that. Even knowing I planned to kill her, she never showed hatred.

After hours of internal debate, I finally reached for the letter. With slightly trembling fingers, I took a deep breath, tore open the envelope, and began to read.

Dear Nathan,

Please allow me to call you that.

When you open this letter, is your brow furrowed as usual? You may never have known, but I've secretly kissed your forehead countless times while you slept beside me.

Like every woman in love, I once prayed for someone who would cherish and protect me. I never imagined finding you—someone a thousand times better than my dreams.

I fell for you instantly. I remember everything: the rain on the night I arrived, your scent, the way light caught your cufflinks.

My love was quiet, too afraid to show itself fully, but I cherished everything about you—even your cold tone and angry glares.

These months with you were my happiest.

But dreams must end. You're an Alpha with responsibilities—a war to fight, people to protect. I've become a burden, and seeing you torn between duty and me breaks my heart.

So I'll make this choice for us both. My child and I won't trouble you anymore. Don't search for us.

Please stay strong and find happiness. That's all I ask.

I love you.

—Rachel

After finishing the letter, I exhaled deeply, closing my eyes, letting Rachel's words sink into my soul. A tear escaped, rolling down my cheek, glistening silver in the moonlight.

She doesn't hate me? She... loves me? How can I bear the thought that I drove her to her death?

I gently traced my fingers over her handwriting, feeling the slight indentations on the paper. I brought the letter to my lips, kissing it as if it were her soft lips, then carefully placed it back in the envelope and into my inner pocket, close to my heart.

"I'll do as you ask, Rachel. I promise," I whispered, my voice heavy in the silent room.

I don't remember how long I sat there, lost in memories of her. Eventually, with her letter securely against my chest, I moved toward the bed.

She needs me to be a good Alpha, and I will be.

Though all evidence indicated she was gone, reading her words brought a strange peace. Tears stung my eyes as I allowed myself to truly mourn this beautiful woman and the child I might never know.

Finally, exhaustion overcame me, and I fell into sleep.

In my dream, I saw her face.

This time, she wasn't standing on a cliff but in the center of a moonlit garden filled with starlight, wearing a flowing ivory dress, her copper hair crowned with daisies. Her eyes sparkled with gentleness, her lips curved in a sweet smile.

"Don't worry, Nathan. Everything will be alright. I love you," dream Rachel said, her voice like clear water flowing in a stream.

She raised her hand to touch my face, and for the first time in ages, I felt calm. I reached out to embrace her, but her figure began to blur.

When I finally woke, my eyes were crusted with dried tears, the salty remnants of a night spent drowning in sorrow.

I wiped my eyes, lying there staring at the ceiling. Morning light had begun to filter through the windows.

"Rachel is gone," I murmured, trying to accept this fact. Despite all the evidence, it still didn't feel real.

Then I felt something strange—a pulling sensation I'd never experienced before. It started as a warmth deep in my abdomen, as if something far away was gently pulling me toward it.

It was an unsettling feeling I couldn't describe, both familiar and alien. I found myself placing a hand on my abdomen, just as I'd seen Rachel do many times.

Deciding I'd had enough of this strange experience, I got out of bed and headed for the shower.

This was the first day of the rest of my life, and I needed to accept that Rachel was gone.