67

67
Averting my gaze, I focus on my plate, unsure of how to navigate this fragile truce we had found ourselves in. While I've become moderately civil to him—I don't want Ronan to find us arguing and bickering—I still haven't warmed up to him, and these gestures make me uncomfortable.

"So, Ronan," Lucien says, shifting the conversation. "Did you enjoy spending time with the pack today?"

Ronan nods enthusiastically, his curls bouncing with the movement. "Yeah! Uncle Liam showed me the training grounds. I saw warriors shifting! It was so cool."

Lucien chuckles. "Maybe one day, you'll train with them."

Ronan's eyes sparkle. "Really?"

"If that's what you want."

I press my lips together, watching the way Lucien interacts with our son. It was natural, effortless even. But that was the cruelest part, wasn't it? The promises and the hope.

While I cannot deny the efforts he's making, I also can't ignore the part of me that remains on guard. I'm worried about Ronan. I'm worried that Lucien is going to waltz into his life, give him a taste of his signature charm and sweetness, and leave just when he needs him.

I've spent the past years raising him in the best way I could. It hasn't been easy, but I made sure he has never lacked anything. If I'm to ever officially bring a man into our lives, I have to make sure it'll be someone who can stay. Someone dependable, someone who will make him a priority and choose him over anything. I am not sure Lucien can be that man.

And there's the case of Selene. We haven't spoken about her, partly because I've not asked, but she hangs over us like a grey cloud.I gathered from the healer that she is on a condolence visit to Ironclaw. Something about them losing their alpha to Silver Pack, but she will be back, and she'll assume her position as his Luna.

It's part of the reason I find it difficult to trust him. He claims he wants to be a part of my life, but he already has one here, and as ruthless as Lucien might be, he'll not abandon his wife. I won't let him do that. I refuse to subject another woman to the pain I endured.

The past claws at the edges of my resolve, but before I can succumb to it, Ronan yawns, rubbing at his eyes.

"I think it's bedtime," I say softly, pushing my chair back.

Lucien's expression flickers, just for a moment, before he nods. "I'll take him."

Before I could object, lifts Ronan into his arms with the kind of familiarity that made my heart ache. Ronan barely protests, already half-asleep against Lucien's shoulder.I follow them down the hall, stopping at the doorway as Lucien lays Ronan down, tucking the blankets around him. He hesitates, then brushes a hand over Ronan's curls, his thumb lingering on his cheek.

The sight was almost too much to bear.

Lucien turned, his expression unreadable. "Can we talk?"

I should say no. I should bid him farewell and insist on returning to my home and letting the past stay buried. But something in his voice, something raw and unguarded, makes me nod.

He leads us to the back porch, the cool night air wrapping around us. The moon hangs heavy in the sky, casting silver light across the landscape. For a while, neither of us spoke. We bask in the silence, soaking up the glow of the moon while crickets and other creatures of the night serenade us with their chaotic harmony.

"I never stopped looking for you," Lucien finally says. His voice was quiet, rough.

I cross my arms, bracing myself. "You didn't look hard enough."

His jaw clenches. "Aurora—"

"You chose Selene," I cut in, the old wounds splitting open despite my best efforts to keep them closed. "You didn't fight for me. You didn't believe in us."

Regret darkened his expression. "I was young and reckless, and I thought I was doing what was best for the pack."

A bitter laugh escaped me. "And what about what was best for me, Lucien? You don't get to push your way back into my life and demand everything you threw away."I catch my lower lips between my teeth to keep them from trembling. I hate how this conversation still triggers me after years. Almost as though the wounds reopen at every turn.

"I didn't realize that losing you would cost me everything." His response is low, almost blending with the soft whispers of the trees around us.

The words hang between us, heavy and unrelenting. I have always wanted to ask him about his wolf since the healer mentioned it, but I've not found the right time. Lucien is not exactly one to sit and chat about his feelings, and I can't imagine how difficult it must've been for him to rule without his wolf.

I suck in a deep breath, steadying my voice before speaking." when did it happen?"

Lucien cocks a brow. "When did I realize losing you cost me everything?"

"Your wolf, when did he go away?"He stiffens at my question, his fist curling around the railing and gripping tight. The conversation is not going to be a comfortable one, but it has to happen. It suddenly makes sense that my wolf has been very quiet since we stepped into Blackwood.

I had assumed she was crippled by nostalgia and taking her time to soak in the feeling of being home, but I was wrong. This is her reason. She cannot feel or connect to her mate.

"When did it happen?" I repeat, my tone softer and urging him to talk to me. I could've easily gotten the information from the pack healer or one of the pack members, but I want to hear it from him."The day you left," he admits, turning to me. "It wasn't just about the bond, Aurora. It was you. You were my strength."

My resolve wavers, but I can't let myself crumble. Not yet. There's still a lot for us to unpack. "Lucien…"

He lifts his hand, hovering it near my cheek before he lets it drop. "I know I don't deserve forgiveness. But I'll fight for it if you let me."

The air shifts between us, going from cool and breezy to warm and suffocating. I swallow hard, my heart a chaotic mess of longing and fear.