Chapter 144 Aurora's Grief

Chapter 144 Aurora's Grief
Aurora's POV

I don't like school.

The other kids are nice, but they're with their feelings.

When Sarah falls on the playground, I feel her knee scrape even though it's not my knee. When James gets picked last for teams, I feel his embarrassment like it's mine. When the whole class takes a test, I feel twenty different kinds of nervous all at once.

Mom says I'm empathic. That means I feel what other people feel.

It's exhausting.

But at least I can turn it down a little now. When I was a baby, Mom said I felt millions of people all the time and it was crushing me.

So I let it go. I released the cosmic part and became more human.

Luna didn't.

I think about that every single day.

Every time I'm at school being normal, Luna is at home being the bridge. Every time I'm playing with toys, she's maintaining reality. Every time I'm just being a kid, she's slowly disappearing.

I think it's my fault.

At night, I can feel her through our twin connection.

With other kids, I feel surface emotions but with Luna, I feel deeper. I feel what she's becoming.
She's lonely, as if she's the only one in the universe.

She holds reality together, but she's not part of reality anymore.

She's outside it. She's so alone that it hurts to feel it.

Tonight, I found her in her room, standing at the window, and staring.

"Luna?"

She didn't answer right away. She was somewhere else fixing something.

Finally, she turned. "Aurora, do you need something?"

Her response was not "hi, sister" or "what's up." Just "do you need something."

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"I am listening. Sixteen percent of my attention is available."

Sixteen percent? Last week it was nineteen.

She's fading faster.

"Do you ever miss being normal?"

She was quiet for a long time. When she spoke, her voice was different and less mechanical.

"I do not remember what normal feels like. That data has been archived to preserve processing capacity."

"You deleted your memories?"

"No, it is archived. Non-essential information is stored in compressed format to optimize function."

"Your memories of being my sister aren't essential?"

"They are precious but they are not functional. They do not help me maintain the bridges. So they must be compressed and accessed rarely."

"Can you access them now?"

"It is unnecessary but yes."

I waited.

"I remember being small," she said slowly. "Being held. Being warm. Being close to you. Feeling like we were one person in two bodies. That memory is pleasant but it also creates dissonance because I am no longer small or warm or close. The memory does not match my current state."

"So you just archived it?"

"What else should I do? Hold on to who I was while becoming something else? That would be painful. It is better to compress the past and focus on function."

I could feel through our bond that letting go was painful.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"For what?"

"For letting go. For releasing my burden. For becoming normal while you became this."

"You made the correct choice. You were suffering, so releasing it was logical."

" Now you're suffering instead."

"I do not suffer. I function."

"That's a lie. I can feel it through our connection. You're lonely, you're fading and you're pretending it doesn't hurt."

For a moment, her eyes focused completely on me.
"Yes," she said quietly. "Becoming less human hurts. Losing memories hurts. Being alone hurts. But the alternative is billions dying. So I endure the hurt. I compress it. I archive it. I function despite it."

"You shouldn't have to."

"Someone must, and I chose this path."

"What if I could help? What if I could give you some of what I released?"

"What do you mean?"

"I let go of my cosmic burden and became more human but what if I gave some of that humanity back to you so you could be less alone?"

Luna's expression didn't change, but I felt something through our bond.

"That is not possible," she said. "You cannot transfer consciousness."

"Why not? We're twins. We're connected. If I could release my burden, maybe I can share my humanity."

"Aurora, no. You would suffer again. I will not allow you to sacrifice your freedom for my comfort."

"You sacrificed everything for everyone. Why can't I sacrifice a little for you?"

"Because you are five years old. You deserve childhood."

"And you deserved that too but you didn't get it. So maybe I can share mine."

Luna was quiet.

"Even if it were possible," she said finally, "it would not solve the core problem. I am still the bridge maintainer. I am still fading."

"Then we delay it. We buy time and figure out a real solution."

"There is no real solution..."

"I don't care!" My voice came out louder than I meant. "You're my sister. You're disappearing and I'm the only one who can feel how much it hurts you. So I'm going to help."

For the first time in months, Luna smiled.

"You are brave," she said.

"Will you let me try?"

"I do not know how you could help but if you find a way, I will not refuse it. Your presence in my consciousness would be welcome."

I went to Mom and Dad's room later. They were still awake.

"Mom? Dad? Can I ask you something?"

They sat up. Mom pulled me onto the bed.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Dad asked.

"I want to help Luna. I can feel her through our connection that she's so lonely. She's disappearing. I think maybe I can give her some of my humanity, so she's less alone."

Mom and Dad looked at each other.

"Aurora, that's very brave," Mom said. "But we don't know if that's even possible."

"Can we try? Can we ask Dr. Reeves or Echo?"

"It could hurt you," Dad said. "If you try to take back cosmic burden, you could suffer like you did when you were a baby."

"I know but Luna is suffering now. She's my sister, I have to try."

Mom pulled me close. "Let me talk to Dr. Reeves and see if there's any way to do this safely. But even if we can help Luna temporarily, it might not save her."

"I know but maybe if she's less lonely, she can fade slower, long enough for us to find a real solution."

"And if there is no real solution?"

"Then at least she won't be alone when she goes."

Dad's eyes were wet. "When did you get so wise?"

"I'm not wise. I'm just a sister, and sisters help each other."

They held me between them. I felt their emotions all mixed together just like everything in our complicated family.