Chapter 208 Elara's POV

Chapter 208 Elara's POV


My head felt like it was splitting open.

I woke to blinding sunlight and immediately regretted every life choice I had ever made. Especially the one involving tequila shots.

"Oh God," I groaned, covering my eyes.

"Good morning, champion," Kaden's voice, far too cheerful. "How are you feeling?”

"Like death, actual death."

"That would be the six tequila shots. I tried to warn you."

The mention of tequila made my stomach revolt. I barely made it to the bathroom before throwing up violently.

Kaden was there immediately, holding my hair back. Rubbing my back, being far too nice considering I had brought this on myself.

"I'm never drinking again," I moaned between bouts of nausea.

"You said that last time."

"Was it the last time?"

"You don't remember because you were blackout drunk."

"Why didn't you stop me last night?"

"I tried, you called me a coward and said Lunas don't back down from challenges."

That sounded like something drunk me would say. Sober me hates drunk me right now.

Finally, the nausea subsided enough for me to brush my teeth and wash my face. I looked at the terrible, pale, dark circles under my eyes. Hair a mess.

"Come back to bed," Kaden said gently.

"You need rest and hydration."

He had already prepared water, pain medication, and dry toast on the bedside table. Taking care of me despite my self-inflicted misery.

"You are too good to me."

"You are worth it." He helped me back to bed, propping me up with pillows. "Drink the water, all of it then take the medication."

I obeyed, sipping slowly so my stomach wouldn't rebel again.

"Where is Adrian?"

"With Kara. I didn't want him to see you like this. He is too young to learn that his mother makes questionable decisions involving alcohol."

"Smart." I managed a small smile. 

"Thank you for last night before the tequila party, the date was perfect."

"It was, wasn't it? We should do it again. Without the drinking competition this time."

"Agreed, definitely agreed."

He stayed with me for another hour, making sure I kept the water and medication down. But eventually, he had to leave for pack meetings.

"I will be back in a few hours. Call me if you need anything."

"I will be fine, it is just a hangover. I will survive."

After he left, I dozed on and off. The medication helps but does not eliminate the pounding headache.

Around noon, there was a soft knock on the door. "Come in."

Kira entered, looking concerned. "Heard you had an interesting night."

"If by interesting you mean stupid, then yes."

She sat on the edge of the bed. "Can we talk? About the other night. When I found you in the forest."

My stomach clenched. Not from the hangover this time. "What about it?"

"Have you told anyone else? Kaden? Damian?"

"No. I don't know what to tell them. I don't remember what happened. Don't know how I got there or why I was covered in blood."

"It has happened before, hasn't it? The blackouts the lost time."

I nodded miserably. "It is getting worse. Sometimes I lose minutes, sometimes hours. And now I'm waking up miles from the pack house with no memory of how I got there."

"The lunar pulse?"

"Maybe or something else.” 

Kira was quiet for a moment. "I know what it is like to lose time to not trust your own mind. It's terrifying."

"How do you deal with it?"

"Honestly? Not well. But I've learned to leave myself notes. Reminders of what is real. What actually happened versus what my trauma-brain tells me happened."

"That is not a bad idea. Maybe I should start doing that too."

"And talk to someone professional , not just Dr. Chen, but someone who specializes in this kind of thing."

"I'm supposed to start training, to control the lunar pulse. Helena is finding someone to help."

"Good. Because whatever is happening to you, it is serious and ignoring it won't make it go away."

After Kira left, I called Helena.

"Elara! How are you feeling? I heard about the rogue attack and the pulse eruption."

"I'm okay physically at least but I really need that training. The blackouts are getting worse."

"I have been making inquiries. There's a young man who is an apprentice to one of the old. He's studied ancient texts on divine power and how to control it."

"That sounds perfect. When can I meet him?"

"That's the thing. I'm not entirely sure about him yet. He is young and inexperienced. Never actually trained anyone with the lunar pulse before."

"But he knows the theory?"

"Yes extensively he is brilliant, actually just unproven in practical application."

"I will take unproven over nothing. Please, Helena. I need help. Before I hurt someone or hurt myself."

"Okay. I'll arrange a meeting and give me a few days to coordinate."

"Thank you, seriously thank you."

After the call, I forced myself to get up. Shower. Dress. I had Luna duties to attend to and wallowing in bed all day wouldn't help anyone.

I spent the afternoon reviewing supply requests. Meeting with families affected by the recent attacks. Organizing the memorial service for the fallen warriors.

Normal Luna responsibilities that helped ground me. Made me feel useful instead of broken.

Around four o'clock, my phone buzzed. A text from Kaden.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Better. Headache's gone. Just tired.’

‘Good. Miss you.’

‘Miss you too. When are you done with meetings?’

‘Another hour probably. Marcus is droning on about border patrol schedules.’

‘Poor Alpha. So bored.’

‘Save me. Please.’

I smiled, feeling warmth spread through my chest. This, this texting back and forth. This easy affection. This was what Dr. Chen had meant about building intimacy outside of crisis.

We texted for another thirty minutes. Silly things, inside jokes, flirting. Nothing important but everything meaningful.

"You are smiling at your phone like a teenager," Kara's voice made me jump.

I looked up to find her in the doorway, holding Adrian. "Just texting Kaden."

"I can see that you have been glued to your phone for the past half hour. Blushing and giggling."

"I am not giggling."

"You literally just giggled."

Adrian reached for me. "Mama!"

I took him, kissing his chubby cheeks. "Hi, baby. Did you have fun with Aunt Kara?"

"Fun! Dada!"

He was talking more every day. Soon he would be forming full sentences and I'd lose track of my baby becoming a little boy.

"He is growing so fast," I said.

"They all do that is why you have to enjoy every moment." 

Kara sat beside me. "Speaking of which, how was the date last night? Before you decided to challenge Kaden to a drinking competition."

"It was absolutely perfect. He was so nervous and sweet and attentive."

"Good. You both deserve happiness, deserve normal couple things after everything you've been through."

We talked while Adrian played, about the date, about pack business, about everything and nothing.

Normal conversation, normal afternoon, normal life. It felt almost too good to be true. Like I was waiting for something to shatter the peace.

Around five o'clock, one of the pack members knocked on my door. Lira, no relation to her, looked nervous.

"Luna, I need to talk to you about something. Something strange."

"Of course, come on, what is wrong?"

"I saw you yesterday in the western market. You were talking to some rogues. It looked like you were negotiating something with them."

My blood went cold. "What time was this?"

"Around noon. I tried to say hello but you didn't seem to recognize me. Just walked away with the rogues."

"Lira, I wasn't in the western market yesterday. I was here in the pack house all day."

"But I saw you. I'm certain it was you with the same face, the same hair, the same everything."

"Are you absolutely sure it was noon? Not later in the day?"

"Positive. I remember because I was on my lunch break from the medical wing."

Yesterday at noon I was with Damian. Getting examined after the pulse eruption. There were witnesses Damian, Kaden and several nurses.

"Lira, I promise you, I wasn't there. I was in the medical wing all day recovering."

"Then who did I see? Because Luna, it looked exactly like you. I would have sworn it was you."

After she left, I sat there feeling cold dread spread through me.

Someone who looked exactly like me talking to rogues in places I had never been. The blackouts, the lost time, the waking up covered in blood.

If it really was me doing these things during blackouts I couldn't remember that was even worse.

That meant I was the threat, I was the danger. I was the one the pack needed protection from.