Hundred and Fifteen
Hundred and Fifteen
JOEL'S POV
The past few days had been a blur, each one harder than the last. Everywhere I went, I couldn’t escape the thought of Bethany. Her dismissive tone, her cold, unyielding gaze as she reminded me that she’d moved on. That she’d left me behind without a second thought. It stung worse than anything I’d felt before. And yet, no matter how angry I got, there was nothing I could do to change her mind.
I’d tried to convince myself that it didn’t matter, that I didn’t care. But the truth was, I did. It ate away at me, gnawed at every part of my mind until I could barely think straight. And as much as I hated to admit it, a part of me knew that Vivian was only making it worse.
From the moment we’d teamed up, she’d been there, fueling my resentment, reminding me of every perceived slight, every reason to hate Bethany and Damien. At first, I thought we were on the same page, that she was just helping me stay focused. But now, it felt like she was controlling me, pushing me in directions I wasn’t sure I wanted to go.
Tonight, it all came to a head.
I was pacing in my living room, my thoughts churning with a mix of anger and frustration. I couldn’t get Bethany’s words out of my mind, couldn’t shake the feeling that I was spiraling out of control. And as I looked around the room, my gaze landed on Vivian, sitting on the couch with her legs crossed, a smug smile on her face as she watched me.
She didn’t seem fazed by my anger. In fact, she seemed to be enjoying it, feeding off it like it was some kind of twisted game.
“What’s wrong, Joel?” she drawled, her voice laced with mock concern. “Feeling a little… lost?”
Her tone grated on me, and I clenched my fists, struggling to keep my temper in check. “Why do you care?” I shot back, my voice sharper than I’d intended.
Vivian’s smile didn’t waver. If anything, it grew wider, her eyes gleaming with a cold amusement. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I’m the only one who actually understands what you’re going through. Or are you still holding onto that ridiculous idea that Bethany actually cares about you?”
“Don’t,” I warned, my voice low. “Don’t act like you know everything, Vivian. This isn’t just about Bethany.”
“Oh, really?” she replied, her tone mocking. “Then why do you keep obsessing over her? You act like she’s the one who betrayed you, but you’re the one who let her walk all over you. You’re weak, Joel. That’s why she left you.”
The words hit like a slap, and I felt a surge of anger so intense it was almost blinding. “I’m weak?” I snarled, taking a step toward her. “If I’m so weak, then why are you still here, trying to use me for your little revenge plot? You think I don’t see what you’re doing?”
Vivian raised an eyebrow, completely unfazed. “Oh, please. Don’t flatter yourself, Joel. You needed me, and I gave you a purpose. Without me, you’d still be sulking over Bethany, doing absolutely nothing to change your situation.”
“You call this changing my situation?” I snapped, my voice rising. “All you’ve done is make me hate myself more. You think I want to keep reliving everything that happened with Bethany? You think I enjoy this?”
Her smile faded, replaced by a cold, calculating expression. “Then maybe you should stop blaming me for your own failures. I didn’t make you weak, Joel. You did that all on your own.”
The accusation stung, and I felt a wave of bitterness rise within me. “You’re manipulating me,” I said, my voice shaking with a mixture of anger and frustration. “You’re using me to get back at Bethany because you can’t stand the fact that she’s better than you.”
Vivian’s eyes narrowed, and for the first time, I saw a flicker of anger in her gaze. “Careful, Joel. I’m the only one who’s been on your side, the only one who’s given you a chance to do something about all the things you hate. Don’t throw that away because you can’t handle the truth.”
“The truth?” I laughed bitterly. “The truth is that you’re just as obsessed with Bethany as I am. You’re just using me to do your dirty work because you’re too afraid to face her yourself.”
Vivian stood up, her expression ice-cold. “You don’t know anything, Joel. You’re just a pathetic, lovesick fool who can’t see what’s right in front of him. I’ve given you everything—direction, purpose, a way to get back at the people who hurt you. And this is how you repay me?”
“I didn’t ask for any of that!” I shouted, my voice echoing through the room. “I didn’t ask for you to get involved, to twist everything around until I didn’t even recognize myself. I just wanted…” My voice trailed off, the words dying on my lips. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted anymore.
Vivian stepped closer, her gaze piercing. “You wanted power, Joel. You wanted control over your life, over the people who hurt you. But now that you’re faced with the reality, you’re too weak to handle it.”
Her words struck a nerve, and I felt my hands clench into fists, the anger bubbling up inside me like a volcano ready to erupt. “Get out,” I said, my voice low and dangerous. “I’m done with you, Vivian. Get out.”
She laughed, a cold, mocking sound that sent a chill down my spine. “Oh, please. You don’t have the guts to stand up to me. You need me, Joel. Without me, you’re nothing. Just a miserable, spineless man who can’t accept that he lost.”
Her words cut deep, and I felt a surge of anger so intense it was almost blinding. “I said, get out!” I shouted, my voice echoing through the room.
For a moment, she just stared at me, her expression unreadable. Then, slowly, she picked up her bag, her gaze never leaving mine.
“Fine,” she said, her voice cold. “But don’t come crawling back to me when you realize that you’re nothing without me.”
With that, she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, the sound of the door slamming behind her echoing in the silence.
As the quiet settled around me, I felt the anger drain away, leaving only a hollow emptiness. I sank onto the couch, my head in my hands, the weight of everything crashing down on me. I’d spent so long clinging to my resentment, my bitterness, that I hadn’t even noticed how much it had consumed me. And now, without Vivian to fuel the fire, I was left with nothing but the stark reality of my own mistakes.
I’d lost Bethany. I’d let my anger turn me into someone I barely recognized. And now, I was completely alone.
The silence was deafening, the empty room a reflection of everything I’d thrown away in my quest for revenge. I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know where to turn. All I knew was that I couldn’t keep going like this.
Maybe it was time to let go. To stop blaming Bethany, to stop letting Vivian control me, to stop running from the truth.
But as I sat there, lost in my thoughts, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was already too late. I had let my anger consume me for too long, and now I was left with nothing but the bitter taste of regret.
I wasn’t sure where to go from here, or if there was even a way to fix the mess I’d made. But one thing was certain: I couldn’t keep living like this.
I sat there, the emptiness closing in, the silence pressing down on me. The things Vivian had said echoed in my mind—taunts, accusations, calling me weak. But maybe she wasn’t entirely wrong. I had let my resentment, my anger, control everything. I’d pushed everyone away, let myself become a pawn in her schemes, all to avoid facing my own pain.
Now, with Vivian gone, I had nothing but the truth in front of me. Bethany had moved on because I’d never been what she needed. And rather than accept it, I’d let myself become bitter, letting that bitterness rule me, using it as an excuse for everything wrong in my life.
But that excuse had run out.
As the room darkened with the evening, I realized I had a choice: either I’d let this anger consume what little was left of me, or I’d finally confront it, accept what I’d lost, and try to rebuild. Alone. Without Vivian whispering in my ear, without the lies I’d told myself to mask my failures.
I didn’t know how, but something had to change. Because if I didn’t break free from this, there’d be nothing left of me to save.