Chapter 27
Killing someone is so intimate, so personal, and the words simply tumbled out of my mouth. This man, could I do it? The hurting part of me, maybe—the part that shoved all those words from my lips just moments ago. Surely it is easier to imagine myself ending the life of the beast in my nightmares. But a man? The begging will most likely break me. To think I held a gun to my head only a while ago…
If my grandmother heard what I said, I do not know what she would think. It is possible that she might understand, being that the alpha probably stole her away and is currently making her suffer. I should not think in such ways, but my mind seems to only think of the negative possibilities. It is much easier to imagine them, especially with all this violence crowding around me lately, though technically I am bringing it to myself.
Sometimes I catch myself imagining what it would be like to have met Sebastian and have no worries like the ones prodding at me now. Would I know him better? Would he be more open without all this stress?
I internally sigh and shake the ideas from my head. There is no use in daydreaming.
After hesitantly leaving the house, I agree to go back to the pack territory. Sebastian is keeping guards on the lookout, and some are taking time here and there to search further. Guilt surges through me. I should be looking for her. Yet unlike the trained guards, it would not take much to bring me down.
Sebastian convinces me that if she is around, they will find her and bring her back to me. I trust him, but part of me still wants to run through the forest, yelling her name. It must be the most dangerous idea I have come up with, as the alpha and his minions could be roaming on the unclaimed lands. The concept that he has people working for him is ultimately my theory. Nothing proved at all. It makes sense to me though. It answers my question of how I am constantly watched. The alpha has to sleep, or at least I think, so someone must take over for him. Or he could be something more beastly than a werewolf. What if he needs no sleep? What if he is really some sort of monster?
My head is getting to me. It is not the alpha who needs a nights rest.
It is me.
***
The next day, I find myself creeping into Sebastian’s office to take my mind off my grandmother. I am not sure if I am allowed to be in here alone, so I make my mission quick and locate the book Henry told me about. Second bookcase, two shelves down, with a green cover. The words are jumbled up with the rest of my memories.
Lycanthrope Mythology, the book cover reads in delicate calligraphy. Quickly, I take it and return to the living room. The book looks to be decades old, definitely passed down through generations. Now that I think about it, almost all the books in Sebastian’s office seem to be aged and fragile.
I gently open the book and scan the pages. Distractions are everywhere, as so many interesting topics flash by each page, and I find it difficult to focus on my own myth. Finally, I locate it and begin to read. Most of it revolves around the Moon Goddess, which I expected. It continues to go on about how a woman could link herself to the Goddess through an extremely dated ritual. After this, the woman and her daughters would keep this connection.
The connection consists of the ability to converse and visually see the Moon Goddess, which is accurate, but then it talks about harnessing her powers. I suppose they could not get everything right. Maybe that is why the alpha is so threatened by us. If somehow he read something like this, then he might believe I have the Moon Goddess’s power—the power to take over. I knew just communicating could not be enough.
It would be nice to be a goddess, so mystical, poised, intelligent, and gorgeous. Though I harness none of her powers, and if I did, I am sure I would know by now. If we did have even a smidge of her abilities, my mother and I could be together again, and this alpha would not be a problem, as getting rid of him would be a breeze. If only.
The book keeps my attention as I wait for someone to come back with news on my grandmother. The other myths are astounding, and it makes me wonder if they are also true. One of them is the Moonlight Wolves, a pack that existed way back whose members were immortal, recharging themselves under the moon’s luminous glow. Though I doubt this one, it entertains me and fills me with a childlike wonder. I see now why Henry reached for this book.
“What are you reading?”
Glancing up at the thick pages, I see Sebastian standing in front of me. My mind is so consumed with the stories that I did not notice him come in, which is rare.
“This book about myths. Henry told me about it since he found my ability in it.”
“And what myth are you?” He sits down beside me as I flip back to the page.
“It’s called the Daughters of the Moon Goddess.” I hand him the book, and he looks over the pages. “Some of it is true, but most of it is not.” “Daughter of the Moon Goddess,” he murmurs, almost to himself.
“Well, that explains your beauty now, doesn’t it?” Color stains my cheeks. “Well, I…Thank you.”
He looks up at me, directly into my eyes, only making the color more vibrant. My thoughts on kissing get cut short by Marina telling me that dinner is ready.
Later in the night, I take the book upstairs with me and place it on the bedside table. Maybe if I get another nightmare, I can read and let the book distract me. I do not find myself needing the book though, as Sebastian takes me in his arms again, holding me close enough to make my eyes flutter shut in a few minutes.
The curtains are open, and the crevices are free for shadowy figures, but I can’t care less. Not only have I given up on my extreme paranoia, but in Sebastian’s arms, I have no fears, no worries whirling through my mind. In his arms, everything is peaceful.
My thoughts on killing flee my mind, freeing me from the heavy chains. Tonight, there is no death in my dreams, only eternal life.