85. Calla

85. Calla
It still tingled. That small portion of my skin that he had touched. I opened my eyes again, meeting his dark green ones. I still felt a little wary of him. But in my heart, I knew that he really meant all those words. I could feel it through this tether between us. I had no idea what happened, but ever since I had woken up in that forest, nestled between both Athos and Leonidas, I could tell that something had changed. It was like my heart had opened more, to both of them. I felt more...connected, somehow. I did feel that my wolf was actually very attuned to them, and to everything that they did. But there was something else connecting me to them now as well. Something deeper.
I bit my lip, my hands clenching around those pajamas.
"Okay..." I agreed quietly.
His expression brightened a little at the sound of that, and he offered me a light smile. We stared at each other for another moment, and I grew a little nervous. I didn't know what to do with myself after that, so I turned in the direction of the door, intending to leave.
I was stopped by his hand on my wrist, holding it gently. I fought not to shiver at the contact, the tingles that erupted there.
"Will you please stay with me? Just for a little while," I heard him whisper timidly.
I turned back around, meeting his gaze. I could tell that there was something in his heart—a hidden pain. My wolf whined mournfully from inside my mind, amplifying that sense of worry that was blooming within me. I couldn't say no—I wanted to, but I couldn't. My heart wouldn't let me, no matter how hard my mind was trying to disagree with this. I could feel that he was hurting deep down; both my wolf and I could feel it. So I nodded simply, agreeing to his request.
He let go of my hand and then went to sit on his bed. He let his back rest against the plushy headboard, his long legs stretched on the bed. I looked at him, a little hesitant.
"I'm not going to touch you, if that's what you're worried about. I just want to sit in silence with you here, for a moment," he explained calmly.
I stared between him and that spot on the bed next to him for a few seconds longer before I eventually caved. I placed the PJs in my hand at the foot of the bed, and then I walked around and climbed slowly. I adopted the same position, with my back against the headboard, leaving a little bit of space between us.
We didn't speak for a lengthy period of time, just sitting there, in silence. I felt a little tense, at first, but as the minutes went by, I felt myself gradually relaxing in his presence. I allowed myself to think, let my mind unwind, for a while.
I still couldn't believe that I had a wolf inside of me. An actual wolf. Me, of all people. The runt. The little human outcast. It was weird to think about myself like this—as a shifter, after I had spent most of my life believing that I was a mistake, and that I didn't fit in this world. I still felt a little out of place, actually. And I...I couldn't help but wonder who my mother was, my birth one. I knew that Luna Atheia wasn't my real mother, it was glaringly obvious. But I...I needed answers. I needed to know who I was, for once. I needed to know why my mother left me here, instead of raising me herself. And I wanted to know why my father hated me, why Alpha Cassius had lied to me all these years, letting me believe that I was a human orphan. That I had no place here, and that I...
I found myself swallowing thickly as that lump formed in my throat, making it difficult to breathe.
I turned my head slightly to peer at Leonidas, not really surprised to notice that he was already looking at me. He didn't say anything. He just offered me a sympathetic smile. My wolf immediately pushed to the forefront of my mind, and I caved, not really having the energy to fight my urges right then.
I tentatively moved a little closer, and put my head on his shoulder like my wolf wanted to. I let his arm slide around my waist, holding me gently as I let those few tears fall.
It was weird, I wasn't going to deny it. This...whatever this was between us. Between Athos, Leonidas, and me. Okay, it wasn't really weird, it was actually crazy. Never in my life had I ever thought that I was going to be bonded not to one, but to two powerful lycans like them. And they happened to be the most powerful lycans in the kingdom. The king himself and his Royal commander. It was a scary thought to think about. And I couldn't even begin to understand why the Goddess did this to me, why she chose me, of all people. Of all she-wolves. But I...wasn't going to deny it either. I actually felt...safer here, in their proximity. Wanted. I felt like I could finally belong, if only I let myself. If only I tried to understand...
"Leonidas?" I uttered softly, timidly, the sound of his name filling that silent space between us. He only let out a low hum in reply.
"I...I don't want to feel afraid of you anymore..." I admitted quietly. It was true. I was actually tired of it.
"But I...I don't want you to break my heart either," I told him truthfully, turning slowly to peer up into his eyes.
"I'm afraid of putting my trust in you again," I bit my lip, gazing between his eyes, watching them fill with nothing but pain and regret. My wolf squirmed restlessly.
"I know," he said after a long moment. "I've done some really shitty things that led us here." He sighed audibly.
"And I'm starting to believe that this is why our Holy Mother brought Athos between us. So that he could show me where I was wrong, and protect you when needed," he explained, his tone holding a hint of resignation, of guilt. My cheeks warmed at the sound of that, remembering those precious and intimate moments I had spent with Athos the other night. They were very special to me, and I wouldn't have changed a single word or action I did. But that didn't mean that I didn't feel a little guilty myself. A little unfair to Leonidas.
"He's a good Beta for his Luna. You wouldn't be sitting here next to me, if it weren't for him," he admitted, his tone weak and dejected. I felt my eyes fill with unshed tears once again, as the memory I had seen inside Athos' mind played before my eyes once again.
"Forgive me, Calla. I am so sorry,"  Leonidas said, and my gaze refocused on him, watching those tears pool in his eyes.
"Forgive me for being such a lousy mate to you," he cupped my cheek with his hand, and I let out another hitching sigh, feeling a tear slide down the other one.
He suddenly let go of me and turned himself aside, burying his hands in his hair as he began to sob.
"I fucking cheated on you with Alisha, on our mating day. And then a few times after," he said angrily between sobs, and my lips parted open from the shock.
Holy Goddess.
"So...that was why...she told me that she was sorry, and that it wasn't my fault," I mused out loud, recalling those very moments. I understood now. Finally. And my wolf did start to plant images of us mauling that she-lycan to death, but I did understand now.
"Wait. What?" Leonidas suddenly turned to face me again, and I looked at him, feeling a little betrayed myself. He had sex with her? He had accused me of being unfaithful, of gifting my virtue to River while he himself was cheating on me with Alisha?!?
My wolf growled from within, and it bubbled up past my throat, coming out rather like an angry cat's.
Leonidas' eyes widened, but he wrapped his hands around my shoulders, bursting with alarm and desperation as he asked quickly,
"Calla, please. I need you to tell me exactly what she told you."
He looked between my eyes, and I debated whether to slap him across the face, knee him in the groin and scream at him, or all three together, but the urgency in his tone and that look in his eyes gave me pause. It made me think that maybe this was important to him, that I should tell him. So I did.
"She told me that she was sorry, and that it wasn't my fault, but sometimes, she wished that I hadn't been left in this world."
"Then she told me that she hated what I was doing to both of you, and what I was turning you into," I parroted quickly, watching his eyes grow wider. He stared at me for another moment, and I could feel that torrent of emotions that bubbled up within him, threatening to burst.
"Fuck!" he suddenly shot up from the bed, and I startled, following him with my gaze as he started to pace the room.
"She's been in on this since the beginning," he muttered to himself, his broad shoulders moving as he heaved.
I grew alarmed as well, sitting on my haunches as I watched him move around restlessly.
"Leonidas...What's...what's going on? What are you talking about?" I asked uneasily as worry gripped my soul.
He suddenly turned around as if now he had remembered that I was still in the room, moving closer to the bed before he kneeled. He gazed up at me, and I almost gasped at the sight of that look in his eyes. The pain. The devastation.
"Calla, she's the one who tried to kill you. The one who has been trying to rip us apart, to push you away from me," he said quietly, taking my hand in his gently. I froze.
"And I...let her...I fucking let her..."