How she feels

How she feels
come true. Now, seeing Kyle with his mouth pressed against another woman's, I felt that he was completely and forever gone along with any shot of happi- ness that I'd hoped to have.

The air flooded out of my lungs, and I felt as though I couldn't breathe.

I gasped, grasping the basket in my hands and doing my best to appear as though nothing were wrong. The cashier glanced over at me once more, but I forced a smile and acted as though nothing was amiss. The last thing I wanted was for some stranger to see me so upset over a man in the tabloids. I wasn't even sure I wanted to admit to anyone my connection with this man any longer, as I certainly would appear to be just one more notch in his bedpost rather than anything that was truly meaningful.

At long last, the woman in front of me finished counting out the money and her coupons and handed the entire stack to the cashier. I tapped my foot impatiently as the cashier counted it out and marked the coupons, then finished bagging the rest of the woman's groceries.

I felt like I was outside of myself as I stepped forward and unloaded my basket onto the belt. The cashier did her best to make small talk with me as I did so. but my mind was on other things. I didn't want to discuss the weather or the things I was buying, and I certainly didn't want to discuss what I had just seen on the cover of that magazine.

But there was something that was now eating away at me. I couldn't just walk

away from him like that. I hadn't ever experienced a connection with another human being like I had that one solitary night, and I genuinely felt that it had to be some kind of a sign

that we were meant to be more than just a fling in each other's lives. Sure, we could walk away and tell ourselves that it was for the best—that we'd never have enough in common to really be there for each other. We could tell ourselves that there really was no way for it to work out, and to not even try, for fear of wasting each other's time.

I had a list a mile long in the back of my mind as to why I ought not to try to pursue anything-including the embarrassment that he thought I was an es- cort. But seeing him with another girl on the cover of that magazine unleashed something in me, and I knew that if I didn't at least try, I was going to spend the rest of my life wishing and wondering what would have happened if I had. I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that to myself, and I certainly couldn't do it to him.

I quickly paid for my groceries, once again doing my best to be happy and friendly with the cashier, though I really didn't want to be standing in line any longer than I had to. When she finally gave me my change and receipt, I bolted from the store as quickly as I could.

If there was ever going to be a chance for me, then I was going to have to act on it as soon as possible.

I grabbed my phone from my purse as I walked, punched in my sister's num.

ber, and held it to my ear. I tossed the groceries in the back seat of my car, and sighed with relief when she answered her phone.

"Ems? What is it?" she asked, sounding almost annoyed.

"Maddy, listen, I can't get Kyle out of my head," I began. I could hear by her breathing on the other end of the line that she wasn't impressed with the con- versation already, but I couldn't give up. "I need to be with him. Or, at least, I need to try. You know I never do anything like this, Sis-and I am surprised at myself that I am going to try it, too. But I don't know how or what to do. Help

me, Maddy."

I knew my voice cracked, though I was doing my best to keep it steady. I could tell by Maddy's pause on the other end of the line that she wasn't certain how to respond. Her advice had been for me to forget about him and move on with my life, but I simply could not do that; try as I might, Kyle was the first thing I thought about when I woke in the morning, and the last thing I thought about

when I fell asleep at night. I couldn't contain how he made me feel. Yes, I was hurt at what I had seen on the cover of that tabloid, but I wasn't going to let that be the end of things. I was going to find a way to get back in touch with Kyle, and I was going to tell him how I really felt.

All I could give him was the truth, and I was determined to do so-even if it was the last thing I ever said to him.