Chapter 174
Nora's POV
By the time I made it back to the cabin, I collapsed on the bed and closed my eyes. All I could see was his defeated expression.
My nose was stuffy. My throat felt scratchy.
Outside the window, the sky had turned orange-pink. The pine trees looked almost menacing in the fading light.
I pulled a blanket around my shoulders and stared out at the view, my mind circling back to the thoughts I'd been trying to outrun all day.
I was being childish. I shouldn't have dug into his past like that.
But then the image of him with someone else—someone polished and perfect, someone his family would've loved—crept back in, and my chest tightened all over again.
If she hadn't left the country… if she'd agreed to the engagement…
I squeezed my eyes shut, but the thoughts kept coming.
They'd probably be married by now. Maybe even have kids.
The idea made me feel sick.
I love him too much. The realization hit me with sudden clarity. I want all of him—his past, his present, his future. I want every piece of him to be mine.
But it wasn't. It couldn't be.
The past is already gone.
I pressed my palms against my eyes, trying to stop the spiral, but the ache in my chest only grew.
---
I must've fallen asleep at some point, because the next thing I knew, the room was dark and someone was moving quietly near the door.
I blinked, disoriented, and saw Julian setting a shopping bag down on the table. He turned toward me, his face half in shadow.
"Still sulking?" His voice was low.
I didn't answer. I just pulled the blanket tighter and watched as he crossed the room.
He stood over me for a moment, hands braced on either side of the pillow, his eyes scanning my face. Then he frowned.
"You're burning up."
"I'm fine."
"Nora." He pressed the back of his hand to my forehead, and I flinched at how cold his skin felt. "You're not fine. You're sick."
I turned my face away. "I just need to sleep."
He didn't move. We stared at each other in the dim light, neither of us speaking.
Then he leaned down and kissed me.
It wasn't the kind of kiss I expected—not heated or demanding. It was slow, almost tender. His lips moved against mine like he was trying to say something he didn't have words for.
When he finally pulled back, I realized I was crying.
"Hey." His voice cracked, and suddenly he looked panicked. "Did I hurt you?"
I shook my head, covering my face with my hands. "You're such a jerk," I choked out.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling me into his arms. "I know. I'm sorry."
"You didn't come after me—" My voice broke. "I was so clumsy on that horse. And she was laughing at me—"
"I know." His voice was low and soothing. "I'm sorry. I should've caught up to you right away."
I hiccupped against his chest, embarrassed by how pathetic I sounded. "Where did you go?"
"I went to have a word with Annabel and her father." His tone went flat. "I wanted to bring you with me, but I thought seeing her would just piss you off more."
I sniffled. "It would have."
"If you want," he said carefully, "I can take you there tomorrow. You can yell at her. Hit her. Whatever you need."
Despite everything, I almost laughed. "That's not—"
"She had no right to say those things to you." His arms tightened around me. "And I made sure she knows that."
I pulled back just enough to look at him. His jaw was tight, his eyes dark.
"She wasn't wrong, though," I whispered. "You did have a fiancée."
He let out a long breath. "If I'd known I was going to meet you, Nora, I never would've agreed to that engagement in the first place."
"But you did agree."
"Yeah." His voice was rough. "And that's on me. I fucked up. I gave myself a record I can't erase."
I looked down, my throat tight.
"Come on." He stood up, pulling me with him. "I got you something."
I took the shopping bag from the table and opened it. Inside was a pet carrier. A gray-and-white lop-eared rabbit peeked out, nose twitching.
"I was going to take you to the petting zoo this afternoon," he said quietly. "I thought you'd like this one."
My heart squeezed. The rabbit was so soft, so small.
"But you ran off," he continued, a faint smile tugging at his mouth. "So I went and got her myself."
I stared at the rabbit, then at him. "You think one rabbit is going to fix this?"
"No." He crouched down beside me. "But I thought it might make you smile."
I bit my lip, fighting the urge to cry again. "Other girls get bags and jewelry when they're upset."
"Do you want bags and jewelry?" He sounded genuinely curious.
"No."
"Then what do you want?"
I didn't answer. I couldn't.
I got up from the bed.
Julian stopped me. "Where are you going?"
I glanced at the bathroom door. "I need to use the restroom."
He picked me up and carried me to the bathroom.
"Julian!" My face was on fire.
"It's not like I haven't seen you before," he said, smirking.
"Get out."
He set me down and stepped back outside. I slammed the door shut.
When I came out, he was leaning against the sink, arms crossed.
"Better?"
I nodded, avoiding his eyes.
He picked me up again—God, when did this become normal?—and set me on the counter. Then he grabbed a washcloth and gently wiped my face.
"You know what word you used the most today?" he said quietly.
I didn't answer.
"'If.'" He dabbed at the corner of my eye. "'If only.' 'What if.'"
"So?"
"So that's what people say when they're not happy with what they have." He set the cloth down and looked at me. "Are you unhappy, Nora?"
My throat tightened. "I didn't say that."
"Then what are you saying?" His hands came down on either side of me, trapping me in place. His eyes were sharp, searching. "Are you unhappy with me?"